


In the Wake of his Sorrows

by orphan_account



Category: Fullmetal - Fandom, Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Dissociation, Domestic Fluff, Futanari, Happy Ending, Healing, Hermaphrodites, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mpreg, Nightmares, Parenthood, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Post-War, Pregnancy, Psychological Horror, Sensuality, Slow Burn, War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-16
Updated: 2017-09-08
Packaged: 2018-04-20 04:59:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 26
Words: 55,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4774424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Broken, shell shocked, desperate, and pregnant. In the muck and mud of the battle field, Edward Elric commits human transmutation and in so doing saves a precious life residing within Riza Hawkeye. Edward is no man to face pregnancy alone, though. The war is over, but his scares are far from healed. MPreg, AU story setting. Roy/Edward.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Blood

Edward was brought back to his terrible reality just in time see the horizon light up with a horrendous flash. Somewhere off in the distance a shell had blown and some sad human had probably lost his life—just like that, in an instant in the dark. He stared blankly as the darkness once again settled into place. For a moment, there in the settled quiet of the night, he thought that maybe he might have slipped off into a dreamless slumber, or maybe he thought he was dead, sometimes he couldn't be sure. It was all like a hazy dream, both day and night. The sounds of gun fire started by morning light that lasted on until late into the night. There was only a few hours in the darkest hours when the battle field quieted—with only an occasional land mine that signaled the death of some poor sod. Being so used to the sounds of war and death, Edward wasn't sure if he liked the restless peace of nights anymore.

He tore off his helmet and ran his fingers through the sweaty hair that stuck to his scalp. It was hard to focus anymore. He turned around and lay facing the enemy from behind the safety of his dirt pile. He strained his eyes to peer in the mouth of hell on earth. A few miles from where he lay in the thick mud was a deep scar that cut across the land, dividing the battlefield in two. Any man sorry enough to get caught in that desolate, devastated wound might loose his leg or life to land mine, or he might be shot on sight. No man's land was the infamous nickname designated to that festering chunk of space.

The slightest movement within no man's land could set off another war separate from the one over Amestris: a war over sleep, a war over death, a war over fear and devistation. Edward noticed that the longer this pointless battle went on, the more irrational the soldiers became. Maybe that sudden bomb explosion was the sorry result of someone willingly taking his own life; surly it wouldn't have been the first time.

The bomb had awakened many frightened soldiers on both sides of the battlefield. An orchestra of gunfire began to rain across the wounded land as soldiers fired blindly into the darkness. Such were the brutalities of war. It was as unpredictable as it was gruesome. It didn't make any sense; not to Edward at least. He was a man of science and logic, and war was something that his science couldn't explain. The faults and sins of man would always be something that science could never explain.

Dully, Edward looked to his side. Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye lay with her chest against a rock pile as she held her rifle steady. Edward could just make out her silhouette. Occasionally her features would light up as the enemy tossed grenades in their direction. Edward was hardly afraid anymore. He stared at his companion with glazed eyes. Their platoon had been whittled down by enemy fire; all that remained was himself and the lieutenant.

This entire time, Edward had faithfully listened to Riza in hopes that they could help keep each other alive. She was mouthing orders to Edward, her voice muffled by the sudden sounds of battle. He could just make out her directions and nodded. Putting his helmet back on his head, he nestled down into the cold mud and took aim with his rifle.

Another shell exploded near them. The ground groaned as dirt flung into the air. Edward had been dangerously close to having his body ripped in two. He rolled away, coming out of his cover in the mud and rocks. He was exposed on the battlefield. Another grenade detonated near him, illuminating his figure for the whole world to see. He gulped.

Time seemed to have slowed, he could see the different colors of the explosion as the chemicals reacted in the air. He could see the rocks falling; he could feel the gnawing tug on his uniform as Riza pulled him out of the way so that he came crashing down to the ground beside her.

Edward sat on his backside next to his savior who stooped over slowly. Immediately, Edward realized that something had gone terribly wrong. He scrambled on his belly over to Riza and grabbed onto her uniform. She doubled over, a thick, dark liquid oozed from her chest.

"No, no you can't do this" he choked. "There must be something I can do!" Edward stammered as he helped Riza into a lying down position. Warfare was like that; a person could be talking one minute and then gone the next— body blown to bits, legs torn off, chest open and entrails spilling out. Edward was afraid to touch her.

He didn't know any medicinal alchemy, but he did manage to apply pressure to Riza's wound. The night was still once more. The sleep crazed soldiers must have settled down again and drifted off into some terrible dream. Edward lay down next to Riza, she was cold, but still breathing. He used his jacket to make her as comfortable as possible. "It's okay Hawkeye, I'm sure someone will be on their way soon and they'll be able to help us."

Riza smiled. "Edward, I need to tell you something."

"Don't go telling me your life story as if you're about to die," Edward whispered harshly.

"Edward, I'm pregnant," she sobbed.

Edward's eyes widened. "But how could they let-"

"I didn't tell anyone, my job was to protect..."

"To protect who? Well, you sure did a great job at protecting your baby! How could you be so stupid?! You should have told someone. You didn't have to come out here!"

"I wanted to protect him," Riza said.

Edward paused and gathered his thoughts. "It's Mustang's baby isn't it?" he asked as he squeezed Riza's hand.

She nodded, "please Edward, I want you to save my baby. Leave me, but, use your alchemy to save his baby," Riza gasped and coughed harshly. The night went on and for the time being the still winter air was left undisturbed by the sound of gunfire.

"Riza, I can't just chose one or the other, I'm not even sure if I could..."

"If you don't do something, then we both die!"

Edward swallowed. What could he do? If he messed something up, he could kill both of them, but if he did nothing he would lose the both of them. "Damn it," Edward cursed, he searched his brain for some sort of answer; if he did do something, he'd have to do it quick. "Okay, but I'm going to have to draw a transmutation circle on your stomach. Is that all right?" he asked.

Riza smiled as tears ran down her cheeks. "Hurry."

Edward began to draw a transmutation circle there in the trench; it was hardly perfect in the mess of mud and rock, but it would have to do. Quickly, and with shaking hands, Edward yanked on his shirt and lifted it; with the blood on his hands from Riza's wounds, he drew a circle on his abdomen. He repeated this on Riza's own stomach and finally he mustered his strength to picked her up and gently placed her within his catastrophic circle. Edward looked down at Riza in hopes she would change her mind, but she only held onto his hand and smiled up at him, "Thank you," she whispered.

Edward closed his eyes to hide his expression from her. He clapped his hands and brought them down to the cold earth.

The sudden flash of blue light awakened the battlefield once more. The distant booms of shells tethered Edward to his hellish reality. Riza screamed and vomited blood onto the ground; her body writhed in pain as the ghostly light illuminated her figure. Edward stared at her, tears freely streaming down his cheeks now. He was unable to help her; he couldn't even ease her pain. As he stared horrified, his own body felt as though electricity had shot through it. He felt weak. His abdomen cramped, causing him to double over in pain as the blue light dimmed; with panic he looked down to check that his belly was still intact. He touched himself, letting loose a hiss; the flesh was tender and swollen from the procedure.

With whatever strength he could muster, he crawled over to Riza and shook her. "Riza, I think I did it; are you still with me?"

Riza did not move.

Edward checked to see if she was still breathing only to discover that she had passed. The comforting sound of bombs surrounded Edward and masked the sound of his sobs as he hunched over Riza's corpse and sobbed lovingly into the lapels of her uniform jacket.


	2. Hair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fabulous readers,
> 
> Okay, so there was a bit of an surprise issue that was brought to my attention. I guess my scenario is really similar to someone else's on fanficton. So I've attempted to contact this author and have let her/him know that my story is floating around and that my intentions were totally not to copy but to peruse my own personal achievement on my own path. Having said that, I would like to direct your attention to this story because I do feel that it would be fair to share the fanfic that did the scenario first. It was just a happy accident that mine ended up relatively similar to her's/his. I haven't received any reply yet, so I'll just post business as usual in the meantime. 
> 
> Here's the link: https://m.fanfiction.net/s/3644376/1/For-Her-For-Him Go give it some lovin'!

In what reality had Edward fallen into? A dream; a nightmare? The truth? For a second he thought he had seen the gates again, and he almost found himself welcoming that cool winded breath that questioned his morals and knowledge. Al's voice seemed so muffled, so distant, as though he were speaking to Edward from down a long hallway. 

What could the young man do but blink dumbly at his younger brother whilst the other spoke of battle fronts, calculated losses, and most importantly of victory. The war had ended and Amestris had won her power struggle over the northern lands. 

“How could this have happened, Brother?” Al sighed whilst the smaller male averted his dumbfounded stare from his brother to stare down at his obnoxiously white sheets instead.

To Al's question Edwards heart quickenedto an unsteady pace before he willed himself to remain calm. 

“You mean how could I have been so carless and get my self shot in the ass?” Ed asked, honestly wanting to defuse his own fear and anger over how suddenly everything had ended and dissipated from his perspective. Had he not just been bleeding and sobbing all over the battlefield? 

“Ed, you didn't get shot in the butt. Why would you even say that?”

“You sure? It feels like it,” Ed said as he reached his hand to his lower back and rubbed it sorely.

Al leaned in his chair and looked down to the spot where Ed had been rubbing. He looked from Edward's hand back to him then back to his rear end again. Suddenly, the younger of the two was on his feet and leaning over the hospital bed, grabbing for his brother's hands and pushing his gown away.

“Hey-

“You've got bedsores,” Al said softly. “We've gotta get you up and move around now that you're awake. I'll let the doctor know. I tried to prevent them, but-" Al's voice dwindled off, leaving his sentence unfinished and hanging in the air only to give Edward an uneasy feeling.

He could feel Al's cool fingers touch his tender skin. Edward winced, but remained still as he stared down at his hands. “Al,” he began quietly, “how long have I been here?”

For a time there was silence until he could hear his younger brother's voice again: “About six weeks. Brother. W-we couldn't wake you up. The doctors thought it might have been an induced coma due to traumatic stress, like your body needed to shut down to save itself.”

Edward could tell that Al was dying to ask him what had happened to spark such an uncharacteristic reaction for Edward. This was so unlike the famed Fullmetal Alchemist.  For several moments Al's jaw clenched and loosened before he finally gave way to an uneasy silence, knowing it, deep down, to be entirely inappropriate for him to ask so carelessly.

He must have looked like a sore mess, that sad, destroyed, little alchemist, a ghost of the past trapped in an abused body. Edward heaved a heavy sigh and took the time to comb his long bangs from his eyes. Six weeks of laying in a coma, he would have expected his golden locks to be the same greasy, tattered mess, just as he had left them when he departed from the battlefield, but his hair was surprisingly soft and smooth, and a lot longer than he remembered. He smiled as he ran his fingers through the length of his silky hair, picking a piece up and bringing it to the tip of his nose. “Smells like your shampoo.”

“Ha-ha, yeah. I, uh, wanted to make sure you were clean and taken care of so the nurses didn't mind letting me coming in to bathe you and brush your hair. I know how nice you like to keep it. It was pretty matted when you first got here, took forever coming it out. Really, Brother, it's so long you could almost pass for a girl.”

Edward did not laugh at Al's hopeful attempt at light humor, rather he pressed his lips together and could feel himself sink deeply into a moment of quiet pensiveness.

“Ed. I was only joking,” Al whispered as he reached out to touch his brother's hand compassionately. “Common, Brother. Don't cry anymore,” he could hear Al's cracked voice say as Edward shoulders shook suddenly.

With a sudden unprepared violence, he could feel himself let in a great gasp of air. He wasn't a girl, but he really wished could be, and those sudden thoughts terrified him. For a moment the room was completely white. He was like a child caught in a breath of tears, paused and silent from the brutality of his own sobbing. He tried to let out his gasp, but nothing came. He was stuck until his tiny frame let loose a great burst of tears. 

“Oh god. What have I done, Al? What have I done?”

Suddenly he was hysterical. Al was next to him, hugging him tightly and stroking his beautiful long hair whilst he shushed Edward tenderly. All the while the murderous heathen stared at his hands, focusing in and out of reality, visualizing his pale fingers in contrast to the white sheets one moment, then seeing the blood covered filthy hands from his worst nightmare. “What have I done?” he said as he shook his head and curled into Al's warmth. “Oh, Al,” he moaned until he could feel himself loose all senses of tears and sadness. 

After what felt like an eternity of sobbing, he quieted and pushed away from his coddling brother. 

“Hey, we'll get through this,” Al said hopefully. “You're pretty tough, remember? We've been through a lot, you and I. We got our bodies back, well, mostly,” he laughed sweetly as he knocked on Edward's metal leg. “And you're just about the toughest person I've ever met. We'll be okay. Won't we, brother?” Al sounded so innocent as he asked this despite his age. What could Edward do but agree with him and give a small good natured smile. 

“You bet. I'm just a bit shaken up. This is weird. I feel weird,” he admitted as Al got up from the bed and quietly walked towards the door. “Leaving so soon?” 

“I'm going to let the doctor know you're awake,” he said as he shifted from the room. 

As the young man exited, Edward craned his neck to watch his back disappear from the doorframe. Once he was sure that he was alone he let out another shaky breath and quickly pulled his sheets from his leg and tore his gown up his body so that he could examine his belly. What was he even looking at? What did he even expect to see? It was just his flat stomach. Was it even still alive in there? He shuddered to think about the mess inside of his body. He had done plenty of unnatural things in his life, but this was sure to be the cream of the crop. 

He had to be smart about this, figure it out on his own some how. The muscles of his belly were angry and sore, but beyond that nothing appeared abnormal. He would have to work his way backwards from Riza's final months. How long had it been since her arrival on the war front? 

“Urgh,” he groaned as the dug his fingers into his hair and tried to remember. She had to have been a month or two along. He lost track of the days out there, but he knew that she couldn't have been very far along. How long had she known? He cringed to think that the realization had come to her somewhere whilst out on the field. How horrifying. Edward tried to think of when she might have conceived; he hoped it had been that last night before they left. 

“Uggghhh!” he groaned again as he yanked on his hair this time. The realization of his stupid actions were slowly swimming around in his mind like some unnatural drug induced fog. He was pregnant. Inside his small body existed the life created by Riza Hawkeye and Roy Mustang. A product of their love was dwelling within him and he wasn't even sure if it was still alive.

His chest was rising and falling in a rapid succession now. He stared down between his legs at the bed, eyes unblinking and burning from the prolonged exposure to the air. 

Pregnant. 

Pregnant. 

Pregnant!


	3. Half

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fabulous readers,
> 
> Okay, so these chapters are really short,like, uncharacteristically short by my usual standards, but I don't actually feel like drawing on and on with the war. I guess think of these few chapters as the prologue?

It seemed that the echos of bombs went on forever in Edward's subconscious. He could have sworn he was asleep, yet still the sounds of warfare were so distinct and crystal clear. His brow was damp; his body was cold and clammy. He felt restless, tortured, like his resting body was a prison of life long punishment. Although he was caught in an state of unconsciousness, he swore could hear the sounds of people's voices murmur around him. Frankly he didn't know which was real: the voices or the disturbing sound of death. 

When Edward opened his eyes, he found himself laying in a clean, unoccupied hospital room. His sweaty brow furrowed in confusion. He was sure that he hadn't dreamed up the past few months of being involved knee deep in war; so how, then, did he find himself in a hospital room? Injured soldiers were usually sentenced to a tent somewhere away from the front lines, not to an actual respectable hospital.

With great pain, Edward sat up, wincing and groaning caused by the sudden ache in his side. His hand came to rest on his abdomen. With the pads of his fingers he felt for any abnormalities, thinking he had gotten shot. Although his stomach was swollen and tender, he felt no injury. 

Edward looked around his room. There was a chair with a coat slung over the backside in the corner. Beside him was a nightstand upon which rested a vase of flowers. Now he was certain that he was no longer anywhere near the battlefield. 

He licked his lips; his mouth was dry; and this throat was itchy. When he tried to speak, his voice came out in a hoarse crack. “Hello?” he called out into the empty room. Of course there was no answer, and he was too weak to go seeking for any replies. 

Gingerly the young man leaned back onto his pillows. He closed his eyes, daring to conjure up his recent memories. Waking up in a new, clean and quiet environment after what felt like years of manning the front lines of hell was more disturbing to him than any horrors he had previously encountered. He knew it was naïve foolishness to wish it all had been a dream. Again his fingers came to touch the sore spot on his belly. He scratched at it, wondering what was wrong with him. It felt as though a bubble lay beneath his skin. Did he have some sort surgery? 

He felt weird, out of place in his own body, like something was wrong. His memories presented him with a few familiar faces. Al's was the first, then Winry's. Intermixed the familiar faces of his loved ones was the sore sight of the no man's land. He remembered the mud, all of that blood, and a figure laying helplessly amongst the rubble. Her skin was white. Her brown eyes were glazed over, dead and soulless. Red chunks of coagulated blood stained her cheeks like vibrant cherries in contrast to her unnaturally whitened complexion. It was almost poetically beautiful as it oozed out of her mouth and down her porcelain, frozen cheek. 

Edward's hand clenched in a fist as it rested on his stomach. He couldn't save her, only a part of her. He instantly wished that he hadn't forced himself to remember. He inhaled sharply, his chest was quivering and the sudden intake of air pained him. 

“Brother!” Al was standing at the door. He looked tired, thin too. The war had even affected even him who was so far away from the front. 

As Ed slowly turned his head to the shaking sound of his brother's voice. 

“Brother, don't cry.”


	4. Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fabulous readers,
> 
> I thought the scientific part of this would be a lot easier for me to write since I have been through the whole nine yards of pregnancy myself, but I have forgotten a lot about it... and I was nagged and nagged each week by my dumb phone to give me “helpful updates” one how big the baby was and what I might expect to experience. For some weird ass reason with each passing week these emails would compare my baby to fruit and vegetables. Like, “congratulations, you baby is now the size of a blueberry... Now it's a turnip... Aaaand a cabbage.” Pretty weird, huh? Well congratulations, Ed, you're baby is now the size of a lemon because I'm clocking you at about 14 weeks. Anyway, so I am slowed down by small little research projects that I have to do in the middle of these chapters.
> 
> Fun Pregnancy Fact For the Day: Did you know that men actually do produce the HCG hormone? HCG is a hormone that spikes during the first trimester of pregnancy and may be the root cause of morning sickness? I always thought that morning sickness for mpreg was always a bit unrealistic, but now I know different!

Although he was terrified, he sat completely still and remained calm as he heard approaching footsteps from down the hall. Slowly he released the grip on his hair and relaxed, covering his legs once more with his bed sheets. He scrubbed the palms of his hands into his eyes and willed himself to stop sniveling. What was done was done and there was never any turning back; that much he was well aware of. 

“Still doing okay?” Came Al's voice once again as he and another man entered the room.

Edward pulled his pale hands from his face and flashed Alphonse a weak smile. “Sure,” he agreed halfheartedly.

“Brother, this is Doctor Zelka. He has been here since you first arrived to the hospital.”

Rather than giving a warm greeting, Edward nodded his acknowledgement to the good doctor as the man entered the room and walked around his bed. He was a fairly young doctor, or at least he appeared to be, and he looked completely unscathed by the war. How did he get out of the draft? 

The young doctor spoke clearly and steadily to Edward as though he were a toddler, something the blond did not take kindly to. “How are you feeling?” was his first question, which seemed out of place somehow. 

How should he be feeling? Where to begin? Quickly, the young alchemist worked the things he could say through his mind. He would have to be careful on what ailments he spoke about. “Fine,” he concluded much to Al and the doctor's surprise. 

“Brother, you can be honest. Isn't anything hurting you?” Always the more nurturing of the two, Alphonse was ready to jump at Ed's physical aid. He was perhaps a bit overprotective in that respect. Some things never did change about his personality. 

“Mostly fine,” Edward reluctantly said as he shifted uncomfortably. “My ass hurts.” 

The doctor circled around Ed like a vulture, swooping down and tugging on the young man's gown to examine his rear. Two people had seen his lilly white ass that day. What a grand start. 

“Fortunately your bedsores are not as detrimental to your health as they often can be for coma patients. You should heal up with time and plenty of warm salt water baths. Epson salt, of course. And how about your legs?” the man was saying as he motioned down to the foot of Edward's bed. “Do you have feeling in your leg? Full motion?” he asked as he tugged on his bedsheets carefully much to Ed's displeasure. He felt weird being so exposed even to his brother. Unconsciously he tug on his hospital gown to ensure that his body was covered as the young doctor took a pen from his coat pocket and trailed it along the sole of Ed's foot. 

“Gah!” 

“Ticklish?” 

From Edward's side he could hear a small chuckle come from his brother. “He doesn't look to be the sort that would be ticklish, does he?”

Ed snorted and yanked his foot away weakly. “Yes, I can feel just fine, even in the 'ol metal leg here,” he said as knocked on the automail as his brother had done previously. 

“Full mobility in your arms and fingers as well, I see. And how about your fine motor skills? Can you feel ever finger? Move them independently?”

After wiggling all ten of his digits, the doctor handed a pen and paper to the young man. “How about writing?” 

That one was perhaps a bit more complicated than Edward would have hoped. Although he could move his fingers and wiggle them freely, he couldn't quite seem to grasp onto the pen offered to him properly enough to write legibly. 

“Not to worry. After some time in comatose, the mind tends to forget the finer things that the body can do. Fortunately this is a very small and easily fixable problem with some physical therapy. Do you think you might like to try walking, Edward?” 

He shifted his gaze from the doctor to Al before he gave a quick nod for his brother to stand and help him out of bed. A feat easier said than done. He could feel his legs just fine, but they were so weak that he barely could stand straight upon them. He resisted the urge to groan as he motioned out of bed and pressed them against the floor. He was clenching his jaw tightly as he slowly stood. A sharp pain throbbed through his body, beginning first in the pelvis and working its way backwards and up through the spine. “F-fu-” he moaned before he collapsed into his brother's arms. “Bed, bed, bed,” he whined as Alphonse eased him back down into a seated position. Edward was hissing as the doctor circled around to him and knelt to his knees.

Like the vulture he seemed to be, he easily invaded Ed's personal space and began poking and prodding him. 

“Nope! I don't think that is the problem at all,” came the young man's surprised yelp as he wiggled away from the doctor's invasive touch to his groin. “Don't really need you to go touching that. See, this is why I dislike doctors,” he seethed as he crossed his legs tightly, wincing as he noticed something very uncomfortable pinching him in a place he rather not be pinched. 

“Ed, if you don't let me examine you you might let something serious go undetected. Can I at least remove the catheter?” 

“I guess,” he replied with a mumble. He wouldn't imagine that he would be very squeamish about many things after living the hell that was his reality for the past few months, but there were some things that would simply make any man want to cringe and curl away. 

“Look, I'm fine,” he said after a few more pokes and prods. Gingerly, he wiggled his way off of the bed again and leaned on Al for support. He gritted through the pain but took a step forward, much to his discomfort. 

“I can't examine you against your will, Ed, but I hope that you'll contact me if this pain proceeds. For now I can recommend some medicine to help with your discomfort.” 

Ed gave a quick nod as the doctor shook his head and exited from the room with what sounded like an exhausted sigh.

“Brother, you really should be informative to the doctor. He's only trying to help.”

The proud alchemist only sniffed in response. What appeared to be mere stubbornness on his part was simply him protecting his new secret. He would come to terms that he would eventually have to tell his brother, but for the time he needed to be sure of a few things. 

 

It was well into the night before Edward felt confident enough to sit up and move around on his own. Of course he was thankful to be fully free of all tubes and bits that anchored him down to the bed. He fussed and fussed with the doctor to remove the IV until at last one sweet nurse complied to his request with a gentle blush and strict instructions that he would drink water on his own. 

That he could at least manage, but his dinner lay untouched at his bedside. He was simply too nauseous to even think about food. Even if he did know better, he still couldn't bring himself to stomach anything. He was wracked with haunting thoughts and terrifying speculations. In the heat of the moment out on Amestris's border, his actions seemed justified, nobel even, but now that he was sitting with the silence and reality of it all, he could only focus on nothing but the fear. 

Silently, Edward wiggled out of his bed and winced as a wave of nausea hit him once he stood. He doubled over with pain, covering his mouth to prevent himself from hurling violently onto the floor. It felt as though is insides were on fire. That same throbbing in his pelvic bone shot through him like a bolt of lightning as he hurried to the bathroom so that he could collapse against the toilet, clutching it for dear life as every fiber of his being wretched and wretched until there was nothing left, not that there was anything to begin with. He writhed and moaned, whimpering into the porcelain bowl until he found the strength to regain his composure and come to an unsteady stand against the bathroom sink so that he could wash his face and mouth with fresh water.

He sighed as he directed his attention to the his reflection hanging before him. This had been the first time in months that he had seen himself. The experience of it was almost surreal, like he was looking at a artist's poor rendition of himself. His young features appeared withered. His skin was pale, and his cheek's were sunken in. He brushed his long bangs out of his face and braided his hair so that it lay loosely around his shoulder. There, that was a little bit better, more traditional for his appearance anyway.

He stepped back from the sink, woozily at first, but steadying himself so that he could see his full body in the mirror. He sighed and pulled up on his gown to expose himself clearly. He flicked on the bathroom light and examined himself from this clearer prospective, turning from side to side to see what abnormalities he might have suffered.

At first glance it appeared as though he was just a malnourished soldier from the war. His stomach protruded out slightly as one might expect, but upon running his hands across his belly he could determine that the protrusion was not a product of bloating, but was rather a hard lump beneath his skin. He pulled his fingers back as though he had touched something hot and pulled his gown down, too scared to continue examining himself. 

There was definitely something in there, but was it alive? 

He couldn't help but fear for the poor thing's life for a quick second; just the thought of it having died within him made his stomach churn uneasily. He pressed his lips together and turned from the bathroom, searching his hospital room for a stethoscope. He whined upon finding nothing and turned to glare at the door. 

With stealth, he slipped from his room and ventured into the hallway, tenderly walking on the soles of his feet to the quiet nurse's station. After searching through the cabinets and drawers he came upon what he desired and clutched it to his chest tightly as he returned to his room. He closed the door behind him and weaseled his way back into his bed, pulling the stethoscope around his ears and pressing the cool metal against his warm flesh. “Please be alive,” he whispered as he moved the scope around.

Although his heart was racing, he could hear nothing within the womb he had hoped to create.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Then Dum-ta-dum-ta-dum. 

He heard it and retreated the scope out of shock before for a brief moment before he returned it again. There in the far left of his belly he could hear it again, a quite, steady heartbeat pulsing quickly in his abdomen. Dum-ta-dum-ta-dum.

Edward sighed and pulled the stethoscope down to his neck and leaned back against his pillows. He brought his thumb to his mouth, bitting into it with bittersweet satisfaction. He would have to do a lot of research before things got too far along. How long did pregnancies last? Nine months? And he wasn't even sure how far along this one was; honestly, there was no way to knowing he feared. 

He felt weird just thinking about it, but he felt that he needed to give some sort of verbal comfort into the empty room. 

“It's gonna be okay,” he at last whispered as he relaxed into an uneasy sleep.


	5. Goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fabulous readers,
> 
> Oooo. I'm so excited for your comments and lovely attention. You're all wonderful and I truly thank you for being you!
> 
> Fun Pregnancy Fact of the Day: Did you know that there's a stage of pregnancy called the gummy bear stage? I mean, it's nothing official, or is a technical term by any means, but it's at 8 weeks right around the first ultrasound. You get to see this little bean that literally looks like a gummy bear. I thought it was cute as hell! Unfortunately we've passed that stage in Edward's pregnancy; which wouldn't have mattered because ultrasound equipment at this point in time hadn't been invented. Did you know that the FMA show takes place between 1914-1917? You probably totally knew that, but I did not, so it was fun for me to learn that. Going off of that, I'm using general history from our own world to sync up with theirs. Ultrasound was invented in the 1950's and was first used in 1956. The technology was developed by Obstetrician Ian Donald and engineer Tom Brown. I just learned that as I was looking up information on it. Pretty neat, huh?
> 
> So we have a new person to give some lovin' to. Di Ambrogio addressed me about her own story and had me read it. It's very well done and beautifully written, so lyrical and pretty I think. You should go check it out! archiveofourown. org /works/4832441 
> 
> Let's all also say thank you to her because she edited this chapter when I need the help and eyeballs of another human being. Thank you!

The next few days in the hospital were about as uneventful as they had been six weeks prior to his waking. Edward still could not stomach any food, and only was able to drink small amounts of water at a time before he felt too nauseous. He was lying on his back, staring up at the ceiling when Al came to visit him. “Taking time away from your research?” he asked as he gave his brother a shallow smile.

“I've gotta take time for my brother as well. You're just as important to me as my research is.”

“Oh, so I'm on equal grounds with your research. You don't consider me more important? Just as important,” sniffed Ed jokingly.

“Ha-ha, it's been a while since I've gotten to tease you properly. That war—I feel like I returned to Amestris from Xing at the wrong time,” he said with an awkward little chuckle.

“Probably. The war wouldn't have affected them; not unless they had a flood of refugees. They're still not interested in dealing with us publicly. It's so strange; we're so close to them, but so far away, like they live on another world.”

“Yeah, but at least I was able to learn about the core functions on alkahestry. Um, speaking of which, I've brought someone to see you,” Alphonse finished as he directed his attention to the door at which a woman stood waiting patiently.

She was tall and slim with delicate white skin and long beautiful black hair; really, she was a wonderful looking woman. Hardly recognizable. “Wow, someone has done a lot of growing up,” Edward said as he raised his eyebrows whilst he looked May Chang up and down. He would have made a comment on her mature beauty, but felt it would be inappropriate, especially with how Alphonse looked at her so endearingly. Ed smirked as May entered the room and quickly rushed to his bed side.

“Oh Ed, you were never really my favorite, but I hate to see you so wounded and banged up, left to die in some hospital bed,” she commented melodramatically. Even her voice had changed. She didn't nearly sound so annoying, but her word choice was still as poor as ever.

“What is with you people from Xing and not having any decent respect? Do I look like I'm dying to you?” came Ed's biting response. He spoke to her through clenched teeth, but patted her on the head all the same. Truly he had been grateful to see an old friend.

“No, I suppose not.” She was completely blasé with her confirmation. “You just look really sick. How could this have happened?”

“War is a bitch,” Edward could hear himself say without really meaning to say it. His comment somehow made the whole even of the past year seem less serious than it had actually been. For a while, before he had been shipped out onto the front lines, he had almost thought it wasn't as serious. One tends to forget how vicious and cruel the reality of world can be while separated from the face of it. He never could quite come to terms with death unless he was standing in the wake of it.

“Xing had once been wrought with war. I understand,” May acknowledged.  
But did she really understand? Ed had no idea of really knowing. He felt alone, though, with these confused feelings and haunting nightmares. Rather than speaking, he pressed his lips together and gave her a quick nod.

“Oh, Ed,” she sighed as she leaned forward and kissed him upon the forehead. “I wish you health and a speedy recovery.”

“Thank you.” It wasn't often that Ed behaved so complacently, but he would have felt weird if he had simply behaved like his old self. It would have made him feel like a child again, and he was sure his youth had entirely slipped away through his fingers.

“Wow, you're certainly being cordial right now, even with someone fussing over your health. You didn't even let me do that for you,” Alphonse laughed as May took a seat next to Ed's bed.

“Must mean that I've grown up. I am 20-years-old now,” he said as he resisted the urge to snort sarcastically. Everyone was always trying to make him the brunt of their jokes. It used to bug him a lot more, but after so many years he had slowly learned how to take their jests graciously.  
“I'll throw you a bone; you do look like you've grown,” May snickered as she eyed the bedridden alchemist.

“Must have been that old metal arm,” mused the blond man. Edward deterred his thoughts from that once awkward subject and instead inquired May, “what brings you back here to Amestris? I would have thought that you and your family would be living in the lap of luxury by now.”

“Oh we live just fine, but I am not here for life and death matters anymore. I come to visit a lot, but I suppose you wouldn't know that, would you?” She paused as she looked to Al who was, for some reason, tidying up Ed's room in an attempts to obviously avoid the topic.

“What's going on, Al?” Although sometimes he acted dumb, Edward usually had a good idea what his brother was thinking, and he was pretty sure he knew what the younger was going to say.

“Welp, brother.” Al was startled by the sudden addressal to him. He fidgeted momentarily before he finally turned to look his older brother in the eye. “May and I are together, and we would like your blessings for our marriage!” he yelped all in one breath as he stood at perfect attention, arms down straight at his sides and held held up high.

Just when Edward thought he had it all figured out, there would always be some surprised like that. He stared momentarily, mouth slightly agape as he sputtered for a few seconds in an attempt to find the right words. “You're only 19!” he eventually shouted with a voice loud enough that surly a nurse would come running. “Bwa—“ truly he couldn't find the clarity to speak. To think that Alphonse would fathom the idea of marriage before the eldest of the two. It didn't seem natural.

“Brother, don't shout!”

“Don't shout?! How long has this been going on? I mean, I thought you were gonna be all, 'but brother, I wanted to let you know that I kind of like May Chang and we are starting to casually date,'” Edward said as he mimicked what Al's voice might have sounded like when they were younger.

“Hey, I don't sound like that!” came Al's defensive retort.

“You kind of do,” May chuckled from Edward's side.

“And you!” Edward seethed as he turned to stare at her. “How could you seduce him like this?” His hot temper was truly causing him to escalate the situation unnecessarily.

“Seduce him!? Edward, I didn't need to seduce him,” she smirked. With that, she stood and placed her hands upon Edward's as she leaned down to give him an innocent kiss. “I'm glad that I will soon become part of your family,” she said so sweetly to him much to Edward's embarrassment. His face flushed and he could feel a small tremor of innocent pleasure. He smiled and covered his lips with his fingers while May backed away and retreated to Al's side.

“Hey!” Al puffed out of concern over the kiss.

May, however, merely waved off his concern, having sufficiently proven her point whilst calming Edward's insensible wrath at the same time. “I'm in Amestris to plan the wedding. I do like your western customs and fancy the idea of a wedding here,” she said. “We're off to tell Winry next! I can't wait to start planning with her. I'm sure she'll be delighted.”

“We're here to pick you up and bring you back home. The doctor is discharging you today,” Al smiled.

To this Ed felt a sting of pain shoot through his heart. The thought of Winry seeing him in his current condition... She and he once had something together, back after the fight over the philosopher's stone ended. Alas, it was only a spark and fizzled out just the same.

“No,” he said curtly.

“But Brother--

“I can't. I've been ordered back to work,” he said as he reached for an envelope upon his beside table, one that he had received just that morning from Central headquarters.

“What!? That's preposterous. You're not even fully recovered!”  
Ed shrugged. He had been irritated by the letter at first upon reading it over his measly breakfast, but he was suddenly thankful for the excuse. “They're low on supporting staff. They need all the help that they can. First the war over the philosopher’s, then this business with Drachma only a few years later. We hardly had the manpower for it all. Besides, a colonel has to do his duty after all.” He couldn't hide the smirk after having said that. Indeed for he had gotten a promotion, and a pay raise as well.

“Edward, that's great!” May interjected as she clapped her hands.

“Er, well yeah, Brother, that's great, but,” Al heaved a sigh as he gave the smaller male a sad smile, “I'm just sad that you won't be able to return home with us.”

“Hey, don't sweat it. I'll still have plenty of time to come and help you out.”

It was nice to hear such hopeful words, but both brothers knew them to be hollow, at least for the time being. Surely things would even out later on down the road. For that present moment in time, though, Edward was uncertain on just about everything.

“Can we help you to the dorms, then? We've got some time until our train leaves,” Al asked sweetly; he was always the sweet one.

“No, I'm fine.” Edward wasn't about to go seeking help from those he had just turned down. “They're sending a car to pick me up and I'm just fine now. It was only messy that one time,” he reassured with a smile.

There was no denying that Al knew Edward was hiding something at that point. The way he looked at his older brother. That look: it was a mixture of suspicion, hurt, and disappointment.  
What was done was done. It would be unnecessary for him to waste his breath trying to justify his answer. He needed to gather research, and he wouldn't be able to do such things while at the Rockbell abode.

“You have my blessings,” Edward said with a nod. “Though it's pretty weird that you asked me that; aren't you usually supposed to ask the parents of the bride?”

“I panicked.”

“‘I panicked,’ he says. Oh sheesh. Obviously broody, dark, and mysterious here wishes to be left alone,” May said as he tugged on Al’s arm.

To this comment Edward nodded with a smile. “Don't be late for your train,” he said as he waved.

“Well, if you're sure, brother,” Alphonse mused before he walked over to his brother and kissed him as well upon the forehead. “I'm so glad that you're okay. Stay safe, promise me that at least.”

“Yeah, yeah. Why is everyone kissing me today?”

The room was quiet for a moment before his nurse came in with the clothes that Al must have brought for him. “Ready to get going?”

“I guess,” was all Edward could manage to say as he scooted out of bed gingerly while she helped him.

“Your brother looked disappointed. Is everything okay?” she asked as she handed him his clothes.

“No, it's not,” was all Ed could manage to say before she bowed in an apology and dismissed herself, leaving Edward with nothing but himself and his thoughts until finally he strolled from the hospital room and left out to call his ride.


	6. New

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fabulous readers, 
> 
> Sometimes I'll check out on a story until I get just the right inspiration. The end of fall is always a hard time for me to concentrate. December is usually my time to shine, but I had to go out and get a big boy job rather than just sitting around making no money with my writing. I've had this draft on my computer for, like, a million years, and I've just been ignoring it like nobody's business for reasons unknown. I think it was because I simply didn't know how to end this chapter and when I would look at it I would just get discouraged and empty headed :c. 
> 
> Fun Pregnancy Fact: Did you know that when you get pregnant your pelvic bone starts to separate and move in order to make room for the baby? It hurts so bad. I still have pains from it if I walk around too much. So that's why I keep mentioning pelvic pain for Edward because I figured it would be the first thing that would start to happen. 
> 
> Now, since men can't actually get pregnant, I have no idea for sure if their pelvic bones would move. I'm trying to keep as medically logical as possible, but sometimes it can't be helped. Eh, besides, I like the idea of Edward having curvaceous lady hips!

His flat was silent and unwelcoming, depressing even. He took one look around the room and sighed. Everything was as he had left it before leaving for the war. It seemed that not even Al had come by—not that it was his responsibility. The air inside his flat was stale and dusty from the lack of circulation. 

To this the blond wrinkled his nose as he pulled off his coat and lay it over his dining room chair. Something about how perfectly untouched everything one was unsettling, maddening him almost to the brink of a total melt down. How disgusting was it that everything around him in the outside world changed whilst his inner life remained as though it had been shut off inside of a time capsule. With the recent news on Al's engagement, one would have expected Edward to be overjoyed that some people in his life were able to keep moving through the war, to create something good within such dismal times, yet there he was, stuck in some endless loop of self pity and misery. It was not like him, but he couldn't help it. 

He sighed as he ignored everything that he owned He did not look at the books or photos that he had collected and had longed for every night on the battlefield. He did not move into his kitchen for anything to eat though he had been hungry for real food for months. He had the whole evening to himself until work the next morning and there was simply nothing that he wished to do. 

He wasn't tired, wasn't hungry; he just felt empty, lost, and confused. Something inside of him felt wrong, like another part of him was locked up within himself and was messing around without his permission. Wasn't that what pregnancy was essentially? Somehow he thought pregnancy would have been more of a pleasant thought than that. 

For hours Edward roamed around his bedroom, sitting, then standing, then laying down. Every so often he would sit up straight and crane his neck in the darkness, listening to the silence on the off chance that he had heard something. First it sounded like it could have been another person in the apartment with him, then it sounded as though someone were outside screaming, then he could have sworn that he heard a gun pop off, or the lonesome echo of an air raid siren. No, nothing. Every time paused to listen it was nothing but the sounds of the past that must have resided within his ear. 

He had been alone in the hospital room, but the nurse was always just a call away. He had no such luxury now that he was home.

Eventually the young man had fallen asleep in a rather uncomfortable position. He was pressed against the corner of his bed, face moulded to the mattress in an unappealing way while his ass was raised high in the air. When at last his alarm went off he opened his eyes to the empty room and rose from his unusual sleeping position. He was no longer a young boy and sleeping in such ways did his body no good. Especially not in his current tender condition. 

He winced as he stretched, resisting the urge to complain loudly as his lower back began to throb out of protest over the sudden movement. Like some wounded animal, he crawled from his bed and bent over to touch his fingers to his toes. The pain in his back wasn't quite as burdensome as the pain in his pelvis, though. Standing on his two feet only caused his groin to throb dully much to his annoyance. 

He straightened and stared at his closet door, anticipating the fact that he would soon have to move. Gingerly he walked forward to get dressed and ready for the day. After such, he stared for some time at the reflection in his closet mirror. The blue uniform seemed to contrast atrociously with his beautiful yellow hair, yet it complemented his pale, golden hued skin. Again his reflection seemed foreign to him. Those same dead eyes that he had seen back at the hospital stared out at him and gave him cause to look away quickly. “Tsk.”

The day was just about as beautiful as one would expect for early March. How obnoxious, was truly the only thing that Edward found himself thinking as he stepped out of his apartment building and trotted through a few puddles that the early morning rain had left. He shoved his hands in his pockets and reseeded the lower half of his face beneath the lapels of his new coat. He had long since dropped the tacky color of read in favor of a more quiet, adult looking appearance, just a tan wool coat for him. Glad was he that he chose it. Red would have looked awful with this new blue uniform. 

Along the road side street vendors busied themselves with their morning tasks. They greeted him as he passed, and he returned their kind words with a loving smile and a nod of his head. He was always good at pretending that everything was okay. He looked like a young, bright man with a hopeful future ahead of him in the military. No one knew him or his story, so why play out on his sadness in public? Sadness seemed to be a very privet thing, something he used to only be able to share with Alphonse. 

Colonel Elric. Colonel Elric. Colonel Elric. Edward repeated that to himself as he walked up the grand white stairs into the Central Headquarters as he mulled over how quickly he had ascended the ranks in the military. First, he had skipped straight to lieutenant for some time, second in command under Hawkeye; now, it was colonel, her position. He wasn't filling Mustang's shoes, but Hawkeye's. Funny, some years ago he would have never pictured this happening. Who would want him in charge? 

You get shot in the battlefield and suddenly everyone wants to give you a medal and promote you. Their awful way at showing remorse, he supposed. 

“Colonel, how are you?” some secretary was saying to him. 

“Fine, thank you,” Edwards supposed. He was a bit taken aback that she had recognized him as well as his rank. News traveled fast; did the whole central base know that he had once again climbed through the ranks. 

“Wonderful. Welcome back. It's my honor to show you to your new office, Colonel Edward, sir.” As the young woman spoke, she saluted him with her small hand to her narrow brow. Edward stiffened, but saluted back. 

“Uh, at ease,” he said, giving her permission to move freely. He was never one to conform to traditional military behavior, but it would hardly be appropriate for a ranked officer to act out of tradition. 

He listened to her heels as they clacked against the floor of the halls, following her politely, though he was sure he knew where they were headed: to Mustangs old office where he would then be placed in charge of his own squad. How the hell did that even happen? Five years ago he was nothing but a specialist. Ending a war before it began and essentially saving the entire country promoted him to second lieutenant, but jumping all of the bullshit straight to colonel seemed a tad bit excessive. Like they were trying so hard to drag him on their coat tails towards their preconceived notion of success. 

“Colonel Elric, sir, may I introduce you to your second in command, First Lieutenant Maggie Howe.” 

Another woman, much taller and fuller than the secretary saluted him. Her long brown hair was pulled back into a tight braid, not as long as his, but certainly thicker. While everything about him seemed to be yellow and gold, she was brown and dark from her freckles to her dark honey colored eyes. She was really pretty.

Edward nodded to her, hoping that he wouldn't have to say “at ease” every time someone saluted him. 

Maggie retracted her hand and stood at attention. “Welcome back, sir,” she said. Her voice was just as velvety and smooth as her eyes appeared to be. She seemed curt, contrasting against her the fluid nature of her appearance. Suddenly, Edward felt memories wash over him of Riza's harsh behavior with Mustang and wondered if this woman would be anywhere near as demanding towards him concerning his duties. He hoped not. He didn't want a nanny. He was better than that anyway, better than Mustang that was. 

“Thank you.”

“And your unit, sir” she continued and directed his attention to four people standing by the door of the room. She gestured to each of them, saying their names and ranks as each individual saluted.

“Vince Bell, information specialist.” A man with dark hair and even darker complexion, just a bit older than himself saluted. 

“Louie Vanburin, officer in charge.” This time a short stalking man saluted, his appearance and posture reminded Edward somewhat of a dwarf. Although the idea of it seemed humorous, he could tell that this man was not a person to play shenanigans with. He had a cold, stony look in his eye. 

“Lilly Hall, communications.” A woman saluted, she was very small, smaller than the secretary even, with short black hair and bright blue eyes. Edward was sure that he had never seen her before, yet she seemed so familiar to him. 

“Sir, at your service, sir!” Lilly piped up only to receive a warning scowl from her commanding lieutenant for having spoken out of turn. 

“And Johnathan Parker, investigations,” Maggie finished as an older red headed gentlemen saluted. 

Odd for Edward to be in charge of a team that seemed older than him. He looked them all over, memorizing their names and positions briefly. “Dismissed,” he said as, thus ending their introductions and starting their very first day as a unit, and Edward's very first day dealing with more paperwork, more grueling conversations, and more pencil pushing than he ever had to deal with before. Although it was hardly a welcoming idea that his life became so muted, but it was certainly an appreciated change from the battlefront. 

Edward winced as he moved forward lightly, walking with his head held high before he plopped down in his chair, thankful for the rest off of his feet. They still hurt after all that time in those tight, trench water soaked boots. At least he didn't loose any of his toes like those many unfortunate souls. He wiggled his toes in appreciation as he looked around on his desk. 

He looked up at a pair of blue eyes staring at him from her desk. Edward blinked a few times, “Yes?” he asked, feeling more like a school teacher in that particular moment. 

Lilly jumped, startled by Edward although she had been staring right at him. “Oh, um, I was just wondering if you were hurting. You seem like you're in a lot of pain. Can I get you anything?” 

“What's this? I get service too?” Edward laughed as he rubbed his forehead much to Lilly's embarrassment. “Thank you, but I'll manage without medicine for the day. I have what I need at home. You just focus on what you have over there,” he said as he pointed to her very large pile of paperwork. She no doubt had the poor duty of contacting the deceased's relatives while the rest of them were most likely working on wading through those who died, those who were injured, and those who would be discharged, awarded, and or promoted.

After the last attack on the Central's headquarters, Edward was no stranger to the things he had to do, though he was sure that the paper's and issues he had to attend to would be far more important than the last time. He wasn't sure if his new position was an honor or a punishment as he thumbed through the files in his in box.


	7. Bile

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fabulous readers, 
> 
> It’s a well known trait that we all fall off of the earth and leave stories standing alone for longer than they should. I always do like to say that excuses are for ass holes, but in case you care: I had written down at least 5 or so chapters that I then lost after my computer got corrupted (now I’m using Google Docs so that shit won’t happen again.) Good news: yay, I have a new house. Bad news: I still haven’t found any of my notes or scribblings of where I was going with this. Good news again: I really don’t want to leave this story hanging. 
> 
> I’m sure some out there can sympathize. I had it all figured out and then I lost it and for the life of me I can’t remember where I was headed.

For a time the only thing that Edward could find himself focusing on where the lonely ticking sounds of the clock on the wall nearest to his desk. He was sitting with his pen in his hand, unmoving and unable to focus; occasionally he would tap it against the ornate wooden desk as he read through papers if only to seem like he was busy. 

After having come straight out of the war, it was up to the military to pick up the fallen pieces as best they all could do. From repairs to the mortuary, the tasks were divvied up equally amongst the lower ranking military men. 

After the victorious win for Amestris, the piles of MIA and dead were equated down to nothing but a pile of papers in folders, quite a large pile at that. Just paperclips and ink, that's all that seemed to remain of those lost souls. The task of staring down at that pile of papers could easily be one of the worst things that Edward had to do. 

For the majority of the day, Edward was tasked with the duty of signing letters and reviewing files of soldiers that had been lost in combat. These letters, then, would be sent through the mail all across the nation to families, wives, husbands, children, brothers, sisters, to notify them all that their loved one had died in combat. Died for a pointless reason in his opinion. Or at least that’s what Edward was starting to believe when he read the files in depth. 

A lot of young lives had been lost. All for what cost?

All through this time, Edward’s stomach had been twisting in on itself so much that it almost made him physically want to double over in pain. Periodically he had to set his pen down and recollect himself between papers. Was it his condition or his work that was doing this to him? 

His brow was slick with sweat by late noon.

“Sir, permission to speak?” Came Lilly's small voice from beside him. 

When had she gotten there? Edward had been resting his elbows on the desk and had his face hidden in the crook between his thumb and his finger. He raised his gaze to her and blinked slowly. “I’m listening,” he said to dismiss the young woman’s formal stance. She fell to an at ease and tucked her hands behind her back. “Sir, you just seem to be ill. Your shift is over and I just wanted to encourage you to take care of yourself. That’s all.”

Edward looked up at the clock with surprise. Hadn’t that clock been mocking him on how slowly time was moving only moments before? “Uh, right thanks. Dismissed for the evening,” he offered tiredly. “I’ll call it a night after I go to the library. I still have some other things that I need to take care of,” he muttered as he slowly stood up, using the thick desk for support. He resisted the urge to groan. His pelvic bone was hurting him again. 

From beside him Lilly gave him a look of sympathy. With any luck she would just pass it off as a war wound that he had suffered. He glanced down at his side, nearly startling her, like she hadn’t realized that she had still been standing there staring at him with that sad look in her eyes. He really didn’t need her pity. He grabbed for his coat and quickly brushed past her, trying his best not to waddle too awkwardly in front of her. 

The library was only a few minutes walk away from where his office was. It was an all too familiar walk for him. How many times had he gone from Roy’s office to the library back in his youth?

It had warmed up considerably despite the heavy spring rain; not that it was saying much. By warm, he meant of course that he didn’t have to bundle down and turn up his coat collar. 

Edward was moving up the stairs very gingerly, slowly while also holding onto the railing with dear life as he tried very hard to keep his face straight lest he look like a fool. 

His day hadn’t even been that difficult yet he felt run down and beaten by the time he had come up to the doors of the library. His hand rested on the cool metal handle. A brief moment of pause for him to sigh then he pushed his way into the facility. He walked in slowly, leaning forward so that his pony tail slipped across his shoulder and dangled on the side of his face as he cautiously peered around. 

He really didn’t need for anyone he knew to recognize him. Surely he’d just about die if--  
“Edward?” 

He froze in place and slowly turned his body towards the middle of the room. Honestly, what had he been expecting? “Sheska,” he said as he manipulated his lips upwards into a tired smile. “You’re still here, hmm?” he asked slowly as he straightened up and put on his best pretend happy face. 

“I’m here, yeah. You’re here too! I mean that’s great,” she said. She was walking over to him with her arms full of books, stacked so high that her pile came just to her chin. She was walking half cocked towards him, her balance clearly thrown off by the sudden diversion in her path to the desk. 

“Ah, here,” Edward said as he grabbed for her pile and helped her with it. He took half of the books that she had and walked to the counter, gritting his teeth under the slight pressure on his pelvis. Shit; ouch. He wasn’t thinking; he just reacted out of simple kindness. He choked out a laugh as he set the books down. On the outside he appeared to be doing just fine, but on the inside he was screaming in pain. “Those books are heavy aren't that?” He said with a chuckle that really sounded more like a whimper.

Sheska gave him a curious look before she responded, “I guess I wouldn't know. I carry so many books all day everyday.”

“Yet you're still as clumsy as ever,” Edward replied as he grabbed for her other pile of books and followed the same motion as before, again with a scream of pain echoing inside of him. He smiled his way through it and turned back, taking that time to casually lean up against the side of the counter in order to seem casual. 

Again she gave him a curious look as she cocked her head to one side. “Thanks Edward that was really helpful,” she said with genuine happiness. 

“In good graces I couldn't let a young woman struggle with something. Least I could do.”

She smiled to herself over the comment though her smile quickly faded. She seemed to be thinking about something. Edward paused to give her time to mull over what it was that she wanted to say to him; it look like she had something important, but like she didn’t quite know how. In the meantime he cleared his throat awkwardly. 

She glanced up, “A lot of us were afraid that you weren’t going to wake up again. You missed Riza’s funeral. She had a very nice ceremony. I just thought you should know that she had lots of flowers and it was a sunny day. There was still snow on the ground, but at that point, green was just beginning to push up through the cold. It was as beautiful as it was sad at least.” Her words were quick, but she managed to get them out in an audible fashion so that Edward could understand. 

He stood there, stunned stupid for a second, blinking with his mouth gaping open. He clenched his fist and looked down at the ground, away from the sadness on Sheska’s face. “Yeah?” he said through his teeth. “I’m sorry I couldn’t be there, but I didn’t have any control over how long I was out for.” 

“The doctors couldn’t find anything wrong with you; it was like you had fallen asleep and couldn’t wake up again. Did they tell you anything?” 

Edward shrugged. "trauma most likely.” He had a pretty good idea, though, that it was the transmutation. His body had to be adapting during that time.

He felt warmth on his shoulder and remained still as Sheska gave him a reassuring squeeze. “I’m always here, you know, if you ever wanna talk,” she said. 

“Thanks,” Edward said with empty appreciation, but he smiled none the less. 

“Is there anything that I can help you find then?” she asked, obviously referring to the thousands of books in the library. 

“Ah, no. I’ve got this place still memorized so I’ll be fine to find my own way around, but thanks, Sheska,” he said as he wiggled out from under the weight of her hand. “I’m sure I’ll see you around, though.”

“O-okay, well don’t be a stranger,” she called at his back as he turned away from her. 

“Yeah, of course not,” while he thought to himself: don’t waddle, don’t waddle, don’t waddle. 

Perhaps it was just the pain in his pelvis that was making him think differently, but he could have sworn that the library seemed to magically get bigger. Finding the books that he wanted was especially hard, be it because of his embarrassment or his extreme discomfort. He was leaning against a few bookshelves as he reached for some and piled them into his arm, being sure this time not to overload himself. 

With a few that seemed appropriate he scuttled to the closest table and plopped down with a sigh. Was it just him or did he seem out of breath? He furrowed his brow as he slumped in his chair and angrily grabbed for the first book. 

Musty pages, creaky spines, he always did like doing research. He sat up a little as he blinked a few times before he began to scan the table of contents. Where should he even start? 

His fingers leafed through the frail, thin pages. Again, it was incredibly difficult for Edward to concentrate. He was reading about the stages of pregnancy, 1st trimester, 2nd, 3rd, all the developmental things during them. He wouldn’t be able to remember all of this! He would have to check out these books and take notes. It wasn't like he could go to any old doctor to ensure that the pregnancy was going along appropriately. He would have to figure out a way to essentially be his own doctor.

Edward hummed with frustration as he let the book in his hands slide down to the table. He sucked in his bottom lip and tapped his legs. He felt hot, sick, in pain, but he had precious little time to sit there and read. It had been itching in the back of his mind not to know anything thus far.

He shifted through the pages and rolled towards the end of the book, to the birthing process. He would have to know eventually, right? He couldn’t deny his curiosity. The last time a baby was born around him he spent most of it being shut because he was too panicked to be of any use. In short, he had no idea how it really happened, though he had a pretty good idea. 

Lucky him there were diagrams to show him exactly what it was like. Too much. His cheeks flushed as he read the types of births and their complications. They were just pencil sketches, but they were doing a pretty good job of making him feel squeamish. He squinted as he read about breech births, his hand now covering his stomach and rubbing it softly subconsciously. 

“It looks suspicious, you know, that you’re hunched over a book of pregnancy births while rubbing your belly like that,” came a low rumble of a voice, startling Edward. 

He could not yelp, no for he feared that if he opened his mouth he would vomit all over the desk. Instead of forming any sort of civil response he ended up slapping his hand across his mouth to cover it and prevent himself from getting sick. He groaned into his hand as he bolted up and ran for the nearest trashcan. 

Edward emitted the most pathetic whine as he shoved his head into the void of the trash, wanting very much so to just crawl in rather than face that man; that Roy Mustang. He was not the person that he wanted to see. Not yet. 

He wretched and wretched until he felt he had nothing left; everything and nothing at the same time came out of him. He hadn’t even eaten. What it was that came from him was nothing but bile which was worse in all honesty. Oh how he felt like crying. He slumped his head into the can. He’d be fine if he died right there. A veteran found dead with his head in the trash. Perfect, he'd be half way done with his burial. They could just scoop him inside the rest of the way and throw him out with the trash where he surly belong. 

There was a warm pressure against his shoulder blades. It was Roy’s hand. It rubbed gentle circles against him, but that did little to comfort the embarrassed, blond alchemist. 

“Jeez, Ed. I didn’t think you were squeamish. I didn’t mean to scare you like that. Had I known I would have been more gentle with my approach,” Roy said with a chuckle. Glad someone still had his humor. 

Edward, still slumped with his head buried in the trash can, only muttered in response. He was pathetic with his reply. “I’m usually not squeamish. I just don’t feel very well today,” he said. 

“Okay, okay, I won’t tell anyone that you got sick because of a picture book.” 

“Gee, thanks,” Edward said as he stitched his dark eyebrows together. 

“Are you going to pull your head out of that trash can anytime soon?”

Oh how Edward wanted to say no, but he said nothing; instead he raised his head and wiped his mouth across his hand. He looked over at Roy with a destroyed expression on his face. “I-I’ve got to go,” he said with a sigh. 

“At least let me help you?” Roy replied as he grabbed for the trash can with the intention of helping him to empty it out. 

“Thanks, but it’s getting late. I’d love to stay and chat,” he trailed off as he began to walk backwards. “I just can’t talk to you right now,” he muttered before he quickly turned away and walked from Roy as fast as he could. 

It wasn’t until late into the evening that Edward finally made it home to his flat. He felt so paranoid all along the way as he walked, like Roy was stalking him. But no one was there whenever he looked over his shoulder. 

With his door securely closed at his back he at last let loose his frustration. He bumped his head against the door and looked up at the ceiling while he pushed his palms flat against the wood. He gave a hiccup before he gritted his teeth. There was such a huge lump in his throat, something that he couldn’t easily swallow. His adam’s apple bobbed up and down a few times before he let out a gasp. “Fuck,” he half cried as he slid down the door and landing on his rear. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he choked as he curled his legs up to his chest and buried his wet eyes against his knees. 

“I’m so sorry, Roy.”


	8. Disconnect

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fabulous readers,
> 
> Thank you to those that have given me encouraging messages. I appreciate it so much. I’m glad to be updating this again and I’m glad that you guys are happy too!

By the middle of the night, Edward had finally managed to weasel himself up off of the floor and out of his military uniform. He would have been content sitting with in his pity and shame, but the urge to vomit kept coming and going in overwhelming waves.

It felt like he would spend an eternity in the bathroom. He was huddled up against the porcelain toilet, clutching to it for dear life whilst he leaned his cheek against the cool seat. He moaned pathetically. Wasn't it supposed to be morning sickness? What was all of this, then? It was the middle of the night! He squinted his eyes as he stared blankly at the wall, too weak and tired to move for a long while.

Eventually he made it to bed only after he had begun to nod off on the bathroom floor. Last thing he needed was to fall into the toilet water whilst he dozed.

His stomach was still uneasy, but he learned quickly that if he stayed still and took in deep and long breaths in rhythm, then he could quell the feeling of needing to throw up.

He was laying on his side in his lonesome room, uncovered and exposed to the chilly evening air. The cool breeze felt nice against his hot skin.

It seemed strange to him; everything did. Waking up from his coma, coming back to his old life after the war, sometimes he couldn't tell if he was dead or just dreaming.

As he lay there he felt his heart beggin to race. He felt wrong, like he had been violated. He stitched his brows together and frowned in the darkness. It didn't make any sense to feel like that. He had, after all, done this to himself. So he hadn't been violated at all. Even still, he couldn't shake the feeling.

Everything felt surreal, like he wasn't real..

Quietly, Edward gulped down a mouthful of air as he felt something cramp up in his body. At first he thought it was the urge to vomit again, but after a few seconds he could register that it was a different kind of cramp in his body, one far lower than his stomach. It wasn't painful, but it was sure as hell uncomfortable in a disgustingly awkward sort of way. His whole groin region felt as though it was twitching, enough so that it made his toes curl and his muscles go taut in his legs.

Edward let out a whimper much to his embarrassment despite his being alone in his flat. He gritted his teeth before he opened his mouth and emitted a moan. There was something inside of him and he wanted it OUT right then and there.

Nothing was the same; nothing would ever be the same ever again. His life was ruined. He himself was ruined. After his moan he hiccuped painfully as tears clung to his eyes. There was someone living inside of him.. If there was a God then he would surely be in for the punishment of a lifetime for he wa s a bastardization of human life.

Slowly Edward got to his knees and tried to calm his rapid breath. He needrf to move, needed to get into a more comfortable position. His fingers wound their way into his bedsheets as he leaned back onto his haunches and finally settled down into child's pose on his bed.

Again he gritted his teeth as he wiggled his hips and let them sink down low between his legs.

Wow, okay, that felt really good. He breathed a sigh of relief as he pushed his forehead against his sheets. Just focus on the feeling of relief he told himself. Yes, there was something inside of him; no, it wasn't a monster. It was a baby; and this was more or less natural. Women had babies all the time and they always turned out fine, right? There was no reason why he shouldn't be able to do it too.

Edward couldn't quite remember when he had at last fallen asleep; similarly, he couldn't quite remember how it was that he got up in the morning, got dressed, and made it to work. He just couldn't shake that feeling of being locked inside of a dream and that was all he seemed fixated on.

What haunted was the pile of books that he left sitting out in the open in the library. It has been utterly stupid of him to run away like that, leaving those books for Roy to thumb through. Surely the older Alchemist would no doubt be nosy. Edward had to come up with a convenient lie to mask his true intentions, but what in the hell was he supposed to say?

He had to get those books out of the library some how. Obviously sitting in there and doing his research wasn't a good option. He needed privacy; and checking them out was equally as bad of an idea.

The day was as equally as long and hard as it had been just the day before. Edward was better as pretending to be fine. It surprised even him, though, that he managed to keep his sickness at bay. He was uncomfortable and nauseous, but not out and out right sick like he had been the night before.

He glanced upwards just as Lilly was standing at her desk. Today she had kept a respectable distance from Edward. She glanced at him nervously when she realized that he had been staring at her.

"Um?" She said as she looked around the room; they were the only ones left. The rest of Edward's team were not nearly as interested in the great war hero Edward Elric as Lilly had been. "Do you need something, sir?"

"Yes," Edward said as he beckoned for her to come over to his desk. She shuffled towards and knelt down a little closer to where he was seated.

She blinked her big eyes a few times.

Edward atred at her. "Can you do me a favor? Off the clock just one adult to another," he said as he gestured between the two of them with his finger.

"Erm, sure, Sir," Lilly replied as she relaxed her stance and tucked her hands behind her back. "What do you need?"

Edward flared his nostrils as he took in a deep breath. "I don't have my library card. I don't know where it went and the librarians have always hated me so they definitely won't cut me any slack. There's a pile of books that I left up on the second floor in the West wing that I need you to check out for me."

"Oh is that all," Lilly replied more as a statement than a question. She laughed a little. "Yeah, that's not a problem."

"Okay, but it is a problem, for me anyway. The books are, uh-" he said with a pause as he tilted his head quickly. "The subject matter is really sensitive. So I need someone that can keep her mouth shut, yeah?" he said as he stood and reached out to touch her upper arm gently. "Please," he ended.

Edward could tell by the look on her face that she had a lot of questions and that she was dying to begin with them, but she remained silent and nodded her head, clearly feeling proud that the Colonel has trusted her with a sensitive personal issue. "I won't let you down, Sir," she said as she saluted him and took her leave with an excited trot in her step.

She snatched for her bag on her way out the door and audibly bumped into someone outside in the hallway. "Sorry!" Edward could hear her hollow echo. He smirked and looked down at his desk. Hopefully those books were still there.

He twitched a little when heard a knock on the wooden door to his office. "Did he you send her off to retrieve some books from the library?" came a familiar, deep voice.

Edward popped his head upwards and stared with a wide eyed expression as Mustang permitted himself entry into his office.

What could the younger alchemist do but stutter a poor excuse of a reply.

"Here," Roy said simply as he held out a small, cotton book bag. "You left in such a hurry that you forgot all of your books. You can save your excuse for now. You have three weeks to return them back to Sheska."

Edward sighed. There was no use in pretending that he didn't know what Mustang was talking about, though he did, for a split second, think about playing dumb. "Thanks," he said as he grabbed for the bag and looked inside of it; sure enough everything was still there.

"Wanna talk about it?"

Did Edward really have a choice?

"Common, Fullmetal," Roy said as he patted his former charge on the back. "I know a good bar not far from here; let me buy you a drink," he paused as he looked down at the book bag in Edward's hands. "Or two."

Empty handed and disappointed, Lilly returned to a dark and cold office. She blinked once, twice, and thrice before she stepped into the middle of the room and turned around a few times, half expecting the Colonel to be sitting in the corner looking sinisterly awesome or something.

She tried so hard to find those books. And really she wanted to know what was so important about them. She wanted to know Edward's secret, she was hungry for it.

Alas, she must have taken too long. She could have sworn, though, that she hadn't been gone for no more than a half hour. Surely he could have waited?

Well, he didn't give her instructions on what she was supposed to do after. Was there a secret drop of point, or was she supposed to just bring them to him tomorrow.

"Hello? Edward?" She called into the room…...


	9. Drink

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fabulous readers,
> 
> I FOUND IT. I found my booklet with all of my notes for this story! There's at least two chapters in my notebook already written out. It was in the dumbest place, too; it was scrunched up in some hellhole in my car. I only found it when I vacuumed it up while cleaning today. Ya'll, I'm so stoked RN.

"Um, so what are you now?" Asked Edward as he and Mustang walked together. "Should I have greeted you with a little 'yes, Sir, General, Sir,'" he said mokingly, ever the smartass whenever he was in Roy's presence.

"Please, the day you behave formally in the military will be the day Hell freezes over," the other man snorted.

"Probably, but you should know that being drafted into a war and tossed into bootcamp has had a mild effect on me," Edward stated as he stood up a little straighter. He was the first to notice that he wasn't that much shorter than Roy; still smaller of the two, but not as significantly anymore. "I'm wearing the uniform now, aren't I?"

"Yeah, though I think that tacky red coat of yours suited you way better. The blue of our uniforms makes you look washed out."

"Gee, thanks," Edward snorted as he covered up his body with his tanned coat that he had grabbed from his coat hanger in his office previously.

Edward didn't know really where it was that they were going so he just followed in tow of Mustang as they strolled down the evening streets of the city together. It was a small and quiet bar that Mustang led him to, tucked near the corner of 2nd Ave in the downtown district. It looked quiet and peaceful, or at least that was what Edward could tell from the large window that looked in. To simplify it: it was a fine old pub, the kind that smelt welcoming, like whisky and the faint scent of cigar smoke.

As Edward stepped up to the door. He felt Roy brush close behind him and yank for the door, insisting that he open it for the younger, smaller alchemist despite his awkward position from behind. For a brief moment, Edward could smell his aftershave; the perfume was enough to make him go dizzy, not because he was sick, but because he was highly attracted to the smells around him in that moment.. "Ugh," he said as he clapped his hand over his nose if only to provide an explanation as to why he had just taken in an heavy breath with Roy looming so close. "I don't like the smell of you," he lied as he waved the other away as the two of them walked into the pub.

"Really?" Roy asked as he pulled at his shirt collar and sniffed it. "It's not even that heavy of a scent."

"Yeah, well consider that payback for your washed out comment earlier; you smell like a dirty old man who bathes in cologne" he said stiffly as he watched Roy go straight for the bar, straight for the stools, the very tall and uncomfortable looking stools. He narrowed his eyes at the look of them, but said nothing as he walked over and withheld his whimper as he climbed up onto it, first with a hop, then with a bit of a scramble before he settled.

Roy was giving him a stupidly endearing look. He was leaning his elbow on the counter with his head in his hands and smiling at the blonde.

"I will punch you," Edward said as he shot off a warning glare.

Roy made a motion like he surrendered and then rapped his knuckles on the oak of the bar table, signaling to the bar keep that he wanted a drink.

Edward sat there uselessly as he looked all around, taking note of the pictures of Roy and an older looking woman hanging on the walls. Did this place belong to a relative of his? Come to think of it, he barely knew anything about the older man sitting next to him. He never really cared to try and learn. Edward looked down at his naked hands and swished them across the damp surface as he mulled over that thought. He would have to get to know him now. That would be his resolution.

"So-"

Edward jolted at the sudden interruption in his thoughts and turned towards Mustang.

"Take it easy," Roy instructed as he slid a glass towards Edward that held a dark amber colored liquid in it. Ugh whisky. Although the subtle smell of alcohol that permeated the walls of the place was pleasant, the actual stuff sitting in front of him assaulted his senses. He wrinkled his nose as he pushed the glass away. "Should I have gotten a kid's soda for you instead?" Roy continued as he pushed the glass closer to Edward again.

In truth Edward didn't even know if it was right to drink. He still hadn't done any research. It seemed, just on natural instinct alone, that it would be a bad idea.

"Edward, you could use a drink. I think you know why both you and I are here, why I'm being so nice to you," he chuckled darkly, though his laugh was hollow and broken. There was no happiness in his eyes, just pieces of a broken man.

"Okay, fine," Edward said as he put his hands on the table. "I'm not drinking because I still feel sick. I haven't felt right since I woke up," he explained.

"Well that's natural I suppose. Okay, then." With that Roy grabbed for Edward's glass and knocked it back in one gulp. "It'll make your stomach feel better if you change your mind."

"Thanks, but no thanks. I don't think drinking will make anything feel better at this point," Edward mused.

"Because you got a girl pregnant," came Roy's reply; he didn't say it in the form of a question, but rather stated it bluntly like it was already a fact that he knew. From his perspective the pieces weren't hard to put together.

Edward stiffened. "Because I got a girl pregnant," he repeated. It wasn't hard to act like he was ashamed in that instance. He was plenty ashamed to be lying to Roy.

"Well that's not so bad of a thing, is it? But shit, Edward. I never thought I'd see the day where you lost your cool around a woman. I kind of want to know the details. It's that blonde young lady from your hometown, right?"

"Winry? No" Edward said as he tapped his fingers on the table quickly.

"Really?"

"I think I would know who I had sex with recently," Edward snapped.

"Sorry; I just-I thought she was the only woman for you; you know like your soulmate," Roy continued softly. None of this was Roy's fault so it would be wrong of Edward to take out too much frustration on him.

"We're just good friends. I'm sure she's in love with me, or at least she was before I shipped out, but things are different now," he said as he inhaled through his teeth. "No, this woman, she's a nurse. I got shot in the arm a few months back; she patched me up. She was lonely, I was lonely," he said as he nodded his head back and forth.

He wasn't lying, just stretching the truth marginally to fit the circumstances. There was a woman who helped him with a wound in his arm and he did have relations with her much to his regret. He took a shaky breath as he continued. "She gave me the courtesy of writing me a letter. But, um, she's married. She's hoping that she'll be able to pass it off as her husband's child. She says that she can get the timeline to add up so long as the baby doesn't come out blonde haired and golden eyed."

Edward slumped in his chair, embarrassed that he had to tell that story to anyone. Nobody needed to know about her and their one night together. They were nothing to each other. To him she was Winry, and to her he was her husband back home.

"So why all of the reading?" Roy asked as he pointed to the book bag that Edward had rested against the stool at his feet.

"Because I'm responsible and because of such I thought that the least I can do is educate myself as much as I can. Because, oh I don't know, maybe something happens down the line; maybe her husband finds out that she had an affair with me and she has to come live with me. Maybe she'll have a change of heart and let me be the father to my own blood child. I'd rather at least have some knowledge about the subject matter."

"Okay, but what does learning about pregnancy and birth have to do with all of that? It's not like you're the one that has to know that in detail."

"Ha-ha," Edward said with a condescending tone in his voice. "It's a subject matter that I know next to nothing about. I know how to make a baby because if my own primal idiocy and that's about it. Call it part curiosity, part research."

"Well, it happens all the time during war. Other men are going through the same thing I'm sure. Do you want to be a father, Ed?"

For a minute Edward was quiet. He didn't know how to answer that. The baby he had inside of him was not his so he had no parental right to it.

Until that point, he had been trying to avoid having to think about the future, the birth, and what he would do. Did he want to be a father? Mother? What even was he? He chewed on his lip before he looked over at Roy to answer. "Yes."

Roy nodded. "I can respect that. I hope it pans out for you. Hopefully she'll come to her senses and realize that she can't keep a child away from a rightful parent, and one who is willing to participate at that. I'm told it's an amazing thing, pregnancy and childbirth. It's your right too to be a part of that."

Edward felt as though his heart would stop. "Y-yeah," he said as he looked away from Roy. He would tell him; he had to tell him. "Have you-" he broke himself off for a quick pause "ever had moments like these? Like, lets say a woman tells you that she's late on her menstrual cycle and she thinks she might be pregnant or something," he asked, desperately wanting to root around in Roy's past for key bits to his relationship with Riza. He almost felt guilty for having asked. Mustang gave him yet another broken look. It was in the light and in that moment that Edward could really tell that Roy had lost a lot of weight and a lot of color to his skin.

"Some scares in my youth, yes, but nothing like what you're going through, Edward, sorry," he said. From the look on his face Edward could tell: So Roy Mustang didn't know that Riza had been pregnant with his child.


	10. Kiss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fabulous readers,
> 
> Haw; I gave you something to binge on a bit. I knew a lot of you would have been sick of my shit if I just posted the one chapter and the let you wait. So I wrote a whole two chapters!

It must have hurt, sitting there talking about children when his lover was dead, but Roy seemed relatively fine on the outside. They chatted and even laughed on occasion, though their subject matter was almost always dark and bleak Such was their way really.

It was late in the evening when at last they exited the bar. Roy had drunk himself into a walking mess while Edward held onto him as they stumbled onto the sidewalk.

It was hard to tell, but clouds were hanging low in the sky that evening. The scent of cold rain was heavy in the air, enough to make Edward shiver visibly in his coat. Mustang wrapped his arm around him and pulled him close against his the heat of his body. "Cold?" he asked smoothly as he smiled. He looked more lively than he had the whole night in that moment. Even some color came back to his cheeks, though it was nothing but a flush because of the drinks.

Edward blinked a few times as he looked up at Roy. He wasn't opposed to the arm around his body, but the way that Roy had done it seemed… like a come-on? "Ah-ha, need some help walking?" he asked, brushing off the potentially romantic moment.

"No, just thought I 'otta escort you home," Roy mused as he wobbled a little.

As a reaction, Edward grabbed for his waist and held him still, wanting to prevent him from toppling over. He laughed uneasily as he kept his hands there, settling with the extremely uncomfortable position of holding Roy in an intimate way. He huffed. "Escort me home, huh?" he said as he looked away for a quick second. "How about I just escort you home instead? Where do you live?" He straightened Roy up a little while still holding him around the waist.

"Um," came his company's response as he looked around. "That way," he said with a laugh.

"Seriously?" Edward groaned. "You're always the everlasting pain in my fucking ass," he seethed as he pressed closer to Roy and reached into his pocket, fishing out his wallet.

"Hey!"

Edward ignored him as he opened up his wallet and proceeded to pull out his military I.D. card, reading it out loud for dramatic effect. "General Roy Mustang, birthday October 2nd, 1885," Edward paused a moment to sneer. "Getting kind of old. Anyway, 45 S Otterton St. Suite 4. Fancy," he heckled as he Roy grumbled and snatched at his wallet and returned it to his trousers.

"And you probably live about as far from me as possible at this point," Edward continued as he looked behind them in the way he would ideally travel if he weren't concerned about the General getting home okay.

"You didn't need to go digging in my pants, Ed. Can't I tease you without you thinking that I'm utterly incompetent. Don't tell me, you were actually looking for the excuse cop a feel?" He commented with a smirk.

To this Edward simply chose not to answer, but rather began to walk in the direction of Roy's apartment. Though he teased him, it seemed that Roy was grateful for the company; perhaps he was simply just grateful for the opportunity to let go and get drunk without having to worry about the repercussions. In any case, Edward felt walking him home was the least that he could do. The man did, after all, try to buy him some drinks and show him a good time.

By the time they had walked on a few miles or so, Edward was beginning to feel sore and Roy was beginning to sober up just a tad. "It's just up about a few more blocks. That white building over there," he said as he pointed, his arm still around Edward's shoulders, not for support, but to merely hold him.

A chilly rain began to pour from the skies, a few heavy droplets at first that hit Edward's coat with a solid ploink sound, then a solid rush that nearly had him drenched by the time he found shelter. It didn't take long for his hair to sag and cling to his face.

Together the two pushed themselves under the cover of the overhang on the building. They had to sprint that last bit, but they made it. Edward was out of breath, wet, and in pain, yet he managed to take one look at Roy and bust out with a heartfelt laugh. He clutched his stomach and grinned with a deep chortle. "You-ha-should see your face. You look like a wet dog!"

"Yeah? You don't look any better; you look like a horse that's been standing out in the rain for too long," Roy laughed back as he picked up Edward's pony tail and wagged it. "Your hair is getting so long. And it's all wet now; it'll get tangled if you don't brush it soon I'm sure. Isn't it a pain keeping your hair nice?" he said. Edward wasn't sure if he was talking for the sake of conversation or for the purpose of filling the empty silence while he stroked Edward's long bangs out of his face.

Roy smoothed his hand across Edward's cheek, the blunt of his thumb caressing the apple of his cheek as he did so. "Sometimes it's hard to remember that you're a boy. You're so beautiful."

"Roy; I think you're still drunk," came the small Alchemist's reply as he put his hands onto Roy's wrists and gave a feeble attempt at pulling his grip away. He just didn't have it in him to push Roy away, though. Even if he wanted to, he couldn't.

"I'm not drunk, well, not anymore at least…. More or less," stated the other man.

"Yeah, because that totally sounds convincing; Roy, I should get-" Edward cut himself off as the taller man leaned a little closer.

"You're wet and cold; at least come up to dry off and get warm."

"I'm not so sure that's all you want me to do up there," Edward said as he glanced up at the apartment complex.

"You don't seem like you're against it," Roy commented quietly, still cupping Edward's face in his hands.

"I'm not sure what you're getting at even. I didn't know you were-what's the term-bisexual?" Edward said. Oh how he wanted to wiggle away from Mustang and yet he couldn't muster up the actual desire to do anything. He gulped.

"I'm not, but-" rather than explaining himself, Roy resorted to closing the gap between their bodies. He kissed Edward full against the lips, his hands holding the smaller blonde still. Not that Edward would have fought against him in that moment.

Quickly, Edward moved his hands up to clasp onto the older man's so that he might hold them as he kissed him back with more hot-spirited passion than he intended. He was sending the wrong single. With his movement, he was actually insinuating that he liked being kissed by the other man. This was bad; really bad.

As he stood there he could feel that same feeling as the night before; that feeling of twitching and tingling in his groin accompanied by an unsettling feeling in his lower abdomen. He hissed as clasped his hand around his low belly out of reaction to the strange feeling. He hated it; it was like he was horny and anxious all at the same time.

"Are you alright?"

Edward glanced up again, instantly retracting his hand from his stomach. "Yeah; I'm fine," he confirmed quietly as he put his hands on the lapels of Mustang's jacket and gripped the fabric tight. "I…." he paused and looked down regrettably, uttering his next words. "Don't think I can move. I'm in a lot of pain. If you're inviting me up to your apartment then you're going to have to carry me. Can your drunk ass handle that or are you going to drop me?"

A smile spread across the dark alchemist's features. He leaned down and easily hoisted Edwards lithe frame into his arms and held him tight. "I think I sobered up plenty!" He laughed as he walked into the building, holding Edward bridal style across the threshold.


	11. Honesty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fabulous readers,
> 
> Okay, everybody thank a reader from fanfiction.net for tossing around some ideas with me. I was able to think a little outside of the box as to where I was headed with this. It's not a drastic change in what I was going for, but it allows the fluidity between Ed and Roy seem a little more realistic. 
> 
> All together now, thank you!

Edward was clutching onto Roy for dear life. He was afraid that the other might drop him accidentally, but it seemed that Mustang had truly sobered up for he did not stumble nor did he miss a step as he carried Edward.

Admittedly, the small blonde was a flattered that Roy was treating him so gently. He tightened his hold around Roy's neck, hooking his fingers together and pressing his chest against Roy's. He leaned his head against the older man's shoulder and pushed his nose against the skin of his neck, knowing not what else to do. If he was going to be carried, then he should make the best of it and take the opportunity to rest.

It felt nice to be cradled like that. All pressure was relieved from his bones, and for a brief moment he didn't feel so achy anymore.

"You must be hurting really bad," Roy said. He shifted Edward's weight as he neared his door.

From the position that he was resting in, Edward could hear the jingle of keys and the click of a lock. He sighed. "Yes. Everything about me hurts most days."

"Is it because of your having been in a coma?"

"Dunno," Edward mumbled. "Probably. The rain doesn't help any either; it makes my automail achy." He hissed as Roy stepped into his apartment and walked to lay him down onto the nearest sofa. "T-thanks," Edward said as he began to untie his coat from his waist and pull its sleeves down his arms. He paused and glanced upwards to Roy who, like, himself was working on getting his own coat off.

When Roy held out his hand for Edward's coat, the smaller of the two muttered his thanks. He wrapped his slender arms around himself and began to rub his hands up and down on his biceps.

"Cold?"

"Lil' bit," Edward admitted as he stood and began to remove his military coat so that he could drape it on the back of the sofa to dry out.

Again he glanced at Roy, casting a inquisitive look his direction as Roy grabbed for his military jacket and folded it over his arm so that he might hang it up elsewhere to dry better.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Edward said, ultimately deciding that he would be the first to take action. "About us kissing downstairs?" He wasn't the person to let Roy ponder or pretend that he didn't know what he had been talking about, so he continued. "I didn't know you were into guys, or is there a different reason why you're gravitating towards me? Drunken loneliness? I'm beautiful so you say, but you know my gender; you know what's between my legs," he stated flatly as he stared Roy down.

There was something in the back of Edward's head that was nagging him, something that was making him feel entirely uneasy about the whole exchange. Simply it was neither the time nor the place, not in light of recent events both known and unknown to Roy.

He watched as Roy's eyebrows raised with an expression of mild amusement from Edward's words. "Interesting way to put it. I'll," he cut himself off as he gestured in the direction he was going to walk in. "I'll be be right back; just let me go hang these up and I'll get us a change in clothes."

Edward snorted in reply as he folded his right foot under his leg and sat back down, still wet and cold. He hadn't been lying entirely about the source of his pain. His automail was killing him. It seemed like the older he got, the worse the pain grew whenever the weather turned sour. Gingerly he pushed his hand against the bit of his leg where flesh met metal and rubbed as he looked around. He had never been in Roy's apartment before; somehow he thought it would be less classy than it was.

It was a white room with moldings all around the ceiling. The bit that he was sitting in was spacious and lofty with its high ceiling and wooden floor. Roy's sense of style did not reflect in the apartment at all; but then again Edward supposed he knew nothing about Roy's sense of style. He had always thought that the man would be tacky-like he was one to judge; it wasn't true now that he was looking at his finer things.

From the coffee table, to the reading chairs, to the few ornaments that decorated the mantel at the hearth, it was obvious that Roy was a modern, minimalistic man. In short, the man had nice tastes.

Edward folded his lips upward in an unflattering sort of way at the thought of Roy being so sophisticated and cool. He pictured the other sitting near the fire in one of his reading chairs, probably wearing a silk robe and house slippers with a pipe hanging from his lips.

Ever the one with no grace, Edward snorted out a laugh and covered his mouth, humoring himself with his mental image. It was the first time in a long time that he had felt laughter swell in his belly. He had laughed quite a bit with Roy that evening; it was nice.

He glanced upwards as Roy re-entered the room, this time wearing a casual set of clothes, carrying with him a spare pair for Edward.

"These are for you; you can change in the bathroom. It's down the hall and to the left," Mustang said as he pointed behind him. "Can you walk there?"

"I think so," Edward said as he climbed off of the couch again and scuttle forward, outstretching his hands for the articles of clothing.

What Edward really needed was to dip low in that pose that he had slept in last night. It was just about the only thing that made him feel better when his pelvic bone started to throb. Or some other position to help him spread his hips, at least. Sitting and walking all day did his body no favors.

He stared up at Roy and observed the man's facial features and expression. Through the sadness, through the tiresome hurt, Edward could tell that there was a desperate need to be held and loved hidden on his face. Why was he the one that Roy was seeking comfort and intimacy from? Wasn't he in love with Riza?

"I'm surprised, even, that you want me to get redressed. It seems like you have the intention of just undressing me again. I'm a man; I know that look when I see it," he said, wanting to probe Roy for answers or clues as to why he was behaving the that he was.

How he was going about this, though, was entirely all wrong and a bit fucked up. But the scent of Roy when they kissed, the looks of him now… It all had Edward spinning around with a confused sense of desire. He reached up for his shirt and began to undo it in front of the man, no shame, no hesitation, just one button at a time, slowly working his way down.

This was wrong and they both knew it. At least Edward thought that they both knew it was wrong. As though it had been at long last for the man, Roy grabbed for Edward, not in a sexual way, not yet anyway, but rather he hugged him; no, embraced him with all of his strength, so much so that it was almost painful.

Let's be honest, men don't know how to relieve pent up emotion. Sadness, anger, regret, it melted all together as their lips met for the second time that evening. From where Edward stood in the man's arms, he could feel the heat of Mustang's tears dribble down his cheeks and mix with the saliva in their mouths as their lips parted as their kiss truned from something tender to something carnal.

How could someone be so horny and upset at the same time? It didn't make any sense! Again, Edward's groin region felt as though it were on fire. It was so different than he had known from before whenever he had encountered erotic situations.

Quietly, Edward let loose a moan into their kiss as he reached out and draped his arms around the taller man's shoulders. He had to stand on his tiptoes and lean against Roy's chest to be able to match his height and kiss him back.

It felt right to be with someone who was taller than he, someone who was able to wrap his arms tight around his body. Edward couldn't deny that he felt a sense of security for a brief moment before he broke their kiss. He relished the feel of it and soaked it all in while he still could.

He whimpered, much to his embarrassment as he felt the heat of the man's hands fall down the sides of his body, traveling along the ridges of his abdomen with light, airy touches. Edward felt their bodies begin to move backwards; Roy was pushing him towards the couch. "Mphf," he said against Roy's lips as they kissed once more.

Now Edward was no master in the art in love making, but he knew enough. He sidestepped from Roy and quickly pushed on the older man so that he fell onto the couch and landed with a soft oof.

Was he really doing this? Where was his head? Edward loomed over Roy for only a brief moment before he slipped into his lap and straddled him, exhaling a sigh of relief, glad to have the excuse to spread his legs and stretch out his aching hips.

To mask the reason why he looked so relieved, he ground his groin downwards and rolled his body against Mustang's, giving him a good reason, then, to moan out in pleasure. Not because he was sexually pleasured, but because he found some relief.

Edward stretched out his torso and elongated himself. He let his arms fall behind his body and used Roy's knees to support himself as he arced his back and dropped his head, exposing the belly of his throat in a very vulnerable position.

"Edward?"

He hadn't been expecting for Roy to speak. He popped his upwards and looked at the older man inquisitively while Roy had his hands on Edward's lower belly. Edward froze.

"Are you ill? Malnourished or something? It looks like your belly is distended," he commented as he rolled his thumb over the small bump beneath Edward's stomach.

"I-I should," he stopped himself. He didn't think it was that noticeable. Damn Roy Mustang for being so observational. He had been lying all night, surely he could make up another lie. "You're imagining things," he said as he brushed Roy's hand away.

"Am I? Edward you seem really ill. Not being able to walk, vomiting, this distention in your abdomen. Do you want me to take you to a doctor?"

"No!" Edward snapped as he crawled off of Roy's lap out of shame and guilt. "The doctor said that there would be anomalies after being in a coma for such a long time. It's only been a few weeks since I've woken up."

"Edward I think you need a doctor though."

"Oh geeze. Please don't pretend like you care about me right now."

"But I do, Ed."

"Oh do you?!" This time Edward was truly getting angry, seething quietly from where he was standing just beside the couch. "You kiss me, invited me up here, act all nice to me, all after I return from the war. After you just so happen to lose your lover.

"My what?"

Edward shut his mouth, not daring to go further.

"What are you talking about?"

He took in a deep breath. "We haven't talked about Riza at all tonight and I thought: hey, maybe the guy needs some space. He lost a lover. I lost a comrade and mentor; we'll talk about her eventually, right? How I missed her funeral, how I was the one that was there when she died?

"I was laying next to her dead body for hours before they found us. And now I'm sitting on top of the lap of the man she loved, getting ready to fuck him! Talk about an insult to her memory.

"I'm rambling," Edward continued as he halted himself and his frustrations. "Simply, don't pretend to care about me when I know that's not true. Not in romantic way at least. What we're doing is wrong and I'm an idiot for getting caught up in it."

"Edward be rational," Roy was saying as the smaller alchemist was beginning to pick up his discarded shirt off of the floor. "Listen to yourself. You're hurt; you're right. I'm hurt as well, and sex probably isn't the best medicine; I'll agree. There are parts of this story that you've got wrong, though."

"Like what?" Edward snapped impatiently.

"Like how you've got it in your head that Riza and I were star crossed lovers? When have I ever given you that impression?"

"But she always used to be-

"Yes, she, not me, Ed. She was in love with me and it kills me that I let her die with that unreciprocated love in her heart," he said as he choked back a frustrated gasp of air. He looked down from Edward and instead focused on his clenched fists at his knees. "But I can't be responsible for her sorrow. I didn't love her; being with her would have been worse because I would have had to pretend."

Edward's world began to spin. He teetered for a moment before he flopped down onto the couch next to Roy. Out of basic reaction, he reached out and patted Roy on the back while he stared blankly ahead, his head swimming in a mixture of emotions.

"So you never had," he cut himself off at the thought.

"Why are you so concerned about my sex life, Ed? No I never had sexual relations with Riza. I can't regret it. There's someone else that I've been in love with."

"I care about whether or not you had sex with her because-" Edward was totally blank in that moment. His face was pale, his lips were trembling, his eyes were fixed on undesignated spot somewhere in the distance. He was in a realm of the lost, and still he was able to speak. "Because she told me she was pregnant before she passed and asked me to do what I could to help."

He took in a shaky breath as he continued. "I just put two and two together. I remember asking her if it was yours and her nodding. Why did she lie to me, Roy?" This time he was able to tear his eyes away from the spot in the nothingness and instead turned to look at Roy with tears filling his great golden eyes.

"Edward," Roy asked slowly. It was obvious that he was putting pieces together. There was no hiding it. "Edward what did you do?"

"I saved the baby, Roy," the blonde said as he looked away from the man again. "It was all I could do. She was dying and there was no stopping that. I at least saved one life that night."

"There is no pregnant nurse that's walking around with your baby in her is there?"

"No," Edward said flatly. "Funny, and I actually felt guilty for lying to you, but the great fucking joke is on me. It's not even yours. I am literally pregnant with a baby whose father I don't even know." He wanted to yell, but he thought it best to keep his voice down, so instead he let the tears dribble from his long lashes and stain his cheeks.

"Oh God," he began to cry somberly as he dropped his face to his hands so that he could muffle his sobs into his palms.


	12. Hermaphrodite

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fabulous readers,
> 
> Ha, did you like that curve ball that I threw at ya'll? I'm sorry. Not really; it was a surprise even to myself. Got ya pretty good didn't I!?

With a cry, Edward doubled over, pushing his rounded belly against his thighs. His automail knee drove into his chest and hurt him, but he refused to move. Instead, he heaved heavily with stomach churning sobs, feeling sick, scared, and apprehensive all at the same time.

Never before had he suffered such a desperate need to cry. His whole body began to tremble violently. He felt as though he were suffocating. Suddenly he sat up again and turned his face upwards towards the ceiling as he continued, the noises coming from his throat were more like guttural moans at that point than actual cries. Between sobs he would take a deep breath over and over again until all he could do was breath quickly without rhyme or reason to the pace.

He was reduced to hyperventilating, his chest rising and falling sporadically. He only chokes out a few broken sobs between breaths, all the while he reached beside him for Roy's hand. He felt his legs lock up and all of his muscles go rigid as Roy grabbed onto his hand and held it in his lap.

"Edward, you need to calm down before you make yourself pass out," Roy said as he scooted closer and wrapped his arm around Edward's quivering shoulders. "Please, Ed, don't cry." He could hear the man speaking with a low, soothing voice. "It's going to be okay."

Edward turned towards Roy and grabbed for his face; he looked at him with pleading eyes, teeth gritted, tears falling from his chin. "I'm so alone. Please, oh, please don't leave me alone," he said between gasps before his mind went hazy and his vision went black.

"Edward!"

Edward!

Edward!

He was on the battlefield. He knew because he could feel the heavyweight of his metal helmet on his head. Stuck in the muck, boots wet, toes frozen, he was on his knees with his eyes closed. He knew that if he opened them he would see her laying next to him. This was his personal Hell for committing taboo and becoming a perversion of nature.

He should stay there with his eyes closed until he died.

Edward had his hands in his lap, palms turned upwards towards the colorless, empty sky. He felt a weight in his arms, a heavy cold weight. And still the alchemist kept his eyes closed. If he just kept them closed then nothing could hurt him, nothing could become reality. A child's logic.

Slowly, Edward brought his hands up from his lap, cradling the weight and holding it close to his body.

Take care of my baby, Edward.

I don't want this responsibility! He shouted with a hollow voice.

Take care of him.

Why did you lie to me?

Love him.

You did this to me!

His blood is inside of you.

With a jolt Edward opened his eyes and stared down between his legs. Blood spilled from his body, oozing out and mixing with the mud in which he was stuck.

Edward.

With terror, Edward glanced around and caught sight of her dead face. Her eyes were gone, her mouth decrepit, face broken. He screamed, but could not hear his voice, only feel the pressure in his lungs.

"Edward!"

In fear from his dream, Edward had been thrashing. He must have been screaming out. With a gasp he opened his eyes and sat up, disoriented, terrified, and hurting. He swiveled his head all around in order to take in his surroundings, knowing not, for a moment, where he was.

He was in a clean room, tucked in white sheets on a spacious bed, surrounded by plump pillows. In his grogginess, Edward groped around before he blinked the sleep out of his eyes and squinted.

It was morning; and he was still at Roy's house. Or at least it had to be Roy's. Even his room was classy and neatly decorated, just as it had been in the living room. He felt a pressure on his hand and squeezed it for support. Roy was holding his hand, kneeling beside him on the floor, and looking at him with concern. His expression was so powerful and calm. Seeing him like that made Edward feel safe.

"Are you awake now?" he asked.

"Y-yeah," Edward said as he shivered, still unsettled by his dream. With his free hand, he drove it under the sheets and rested over his belly. "What time is it?" he asked as he looked around for a clock.

"Almost 11."

"Seriously!? Shit!" Edward was about to spring out of bed when Roy suddenly caught him and held him still.

"Calm down; I called us in on personal days."

"That's a bit suspicious," Edward replied as he blinked a few times.

"It's not. No one would think twice about it. Believe me," Roy said as he stood up from his crouched position. He extracted his hands from Edward's shoulders, who then reached out for them instinctively, not wanting to be left without physical contact. Roy held onto his hands as he sat on the bed besides Edward's legs. "I'm not going anywhere, Edward; it's okay. I've got you," he assured as he gave Edward's hands a squeeze.

"Not like I could after that show last night. You're more beautiful when you're pleading for me to take care of you," he teased. Perhaps it was in bad taste, but it helped to ease Edward's worry.

He relaxed a little, willing himself to believe Roy for the moment. "I'm sorry."

From where he sat, Roy took in a sharp breath of air before he spoke. "So let's cover the basics. You committed human transmutation and altered your body to adapt itself to support a Pregnancy?"

"Yes," Edward replied guiltily.

"And how did you pull that off exactly?"

"An exchange of years from my life," muttered Edward as he glanced away. "I don't know how many."

Thankfully, Roy spared him any scolding; instead, he only felt the older man's hands grip his a little tighter.

"And Riza told you that it was my baby?"

"I thought she did." He looked down. "Honestly, now I'm not so sure. Maybe I was just imagining things," he said hesitantly. "If not you, then who?" He asked as he looked to Roy with hope that the older alchemist would know.

He looked just as confused, though and gave a quick shake of his head back and forth.

Edward sighed and looked away for a moment, glancing up and around the room before he turned his gaze back to their hands. He looked back at Roy again after a pause. "You're, um, you're gay aren't you?" Edward said; yeah, okay, so he was slow on the update.

Roy breathed out a laugh and smiled quickly. "What gave me away I wonder?"

Edward snorted. "Your overly loud and showy way of dating women makes sense now.. It was because you were covering your tracks."

"Bingo, but you can't ignore the elephant in the room by talking about my sexuality, Ed."

"Your home decor makes so much more sense now too,"Edward continued, referring to the fact that only a gay man would be as nit-picky and fashionable.

"What did you change about your body?"

Again, Edward brought his attention to the matter at hand. "I don't know entirely; I haven't had any medical equipment or any know-how in what I'm doing."

"Did you change your sex?"

"No?" came his quick reply as he gave the man a confusing look as to why he would even ask that. "It was a rushed job part medical part total human transmutation."

"Yeah, but how are you going to give birth Edward? And furthermore, how are you able support a pregnancy? Is it even alive?"

"Yes, and I don't know," Edward answered flatly. These were all of the questions that he was refusing to ask himself.

"So put the puzzle pieces together, right? If you know the fetus is alive, then you must have transmuted more than just the embryo, like her uterus, fallopian tubes, perhaps her vaginal canal. Who knows, maybe you'll even grow breasts too," Roy said, clearly meaning that last bit as a joke, or so Edward hoped.

"Piss off," Edward said as he pulled his legs away from where Roy was sitting. He sighed with a defeated exasperation in his breath. "I haven't….. gone inspecting," he admitted. Obviously he had bathed and gone to the bathroom, but he was too afraid to check what all had changed about him physically. The longer he was awake in his altered body, though, the more he began to think that there were some significant changes. He chewed on the inside of his cheek, nervously wiggling his jaw back and forth.

"Let's see then," Roy said as he moved off of the bed and disappeared for a moment.

"What?" Edward yelled after him as he held his legs even tighter.

"Oh no, no, no," he was repeating as he shook his head back and forth so violently that his hair whipped him in the face. "No way," he continued on as Roy re-entered the room with a towel in his hand. "What are you going to do with that? No," he stated flatly in case the other hadn't heard him the first fifty times.

"Do you want to go to the doctor right now then? Because you have to figure out a plan; how many months do you have left?"

"I think I'm sitting around 4 months," Edward muttered as he loosened his grip from around his knees.

"6 months isn't a long time, Ed. You need to know as much as you can as soon as you can."

With a defeated mutter, Edward sighed and re-situated his body onto the bed. He wiggled his boxers off, thankful that the man hadn't undressed him completely when he had originally moved him to the bed. Not that his modesty was an issue any more. Literally, he was on display for the other's viewing pleasure now.

At least Roy was moderately respectful about it as his hand poked around Edward's hips and felt the gentle curve of his belly. He pushed a little, digging his fingers into the flesh and feeling for the shape of a uterus. Down and down his hands probed until he was poking around Edwards intimate parts.

Edward looked at him skeptically, lifting his head off of the pillows and looking at the top of Roy's black hair. "No funny business," he warned for the sheer sake of filling the awkward air.

He shivered as he felt Roy's thumb roll across him, further down more until he felt a pressure touch him where he had been feeling so hot and weird. Edward closed his eyes, fears realized.

"It looks like there is, um," Roy paused a moment as he tried to think of a word to call it other than 'vagina'. Eventually he gave up and spoke again. "I'm going to push my finger inside; you'll feel some pressure, okay?"

"Why!?"

"Come on, Ed. We need to figure out what's going on otherwise we can't get a plan of action," he rationalized.

Edward's breath was coming out in short gasps again as he glanced down between his legs then up to Roy's face who was patiently waiting for his approval. Hesitantly, Edward nodded.

"It looks like it's working right; you're really wet," teased Roy.

Edward seethed as he drove his fingers to twist around the sheets of the bed. He gritted his teeth as he felt an intense pressure between his legs. It wasn't painful; just weird. He rolled his head back and bit his tongue with his eyes shut tight.

Roy's free hand came to rest on his abdomen; he could feel it push on him.

"A-are you inside of me?!" Edwards screeched with a crack in his voice.

"Yes; can you push against me, like you want to push me out of you?"

Again Edward gritted his teeth as he complied much to his embarrassment. He gasped as his toes began to curl and his legs began to raise. "How do you even-ah-know what you're doing?" he asked as he felt something so hot and deliciously delve deeper.

"Please Edward; just because I prefer the company of men doesn't mean I haven't had to fake it with women before. I know what a woman feels like inside." He paused. "Do you feel that?" he asked as Edward felt something wiggle against a particularly pleasurable spot.

Oh how he wanted to moan. "Yes," he choked out as the muscles in his legs began to go rigid.

"That's your cervix. So it looks like you have all of the bits and pieces to successfully give birth. Provided that we keep you as healthy as possible."

"We?" Edward repeated.

"You asked me not to leave you. So I won't," came the man's simple reply.

Edward could feel his finger slide from him, leaving him feeling empty. He exhaled with relief as he let his legs fall back down to the mattress to a resting position. He was staring up with wide eyes while Mustang stared back. "I guess this is a good thing," he mused at first as he stitched his blonde brows together.

"You can stop staring at me now," Edward was reduced to saying as he pulled his legs away from Roy and hid himself beneath the sheets. "Great; I'm the Fullmetal Freak."


	13. Help

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fabulous readers,
> 
> This chapter was tiring to write. I hope it's not as tiring to read. :p

It made for awkward times between himself and Roy; or rather it made things incredibly awkward for Edward whenever he was near Roy. Although the General Alchemist made it obvious that he was neither embarrassed or deterred from Edward, Edward still felt apprehensive whenever the older man came around. Perhaps it was more of an issue for Edward, part pride, part embarrassment.

Roy Mustang was ever the persistent individual. Edward would see him off and on throughout the day around Central Command. He was subtle and quiet whenever he checked in, and for that Edward was appreciative, but Edward, for the life of him, couldn't figure out why it was that Roy was investing himself so much. To the young alchemist's knowledge, it was not in Roy's nature to be particularly chivalrous.

It was relatively quiet that morning in Edward's office. His team often was quiet anyway, and days passed by with nothing but the lonely sounds of the clock ticking time away. Usually Lilly was too shy to try and talk to Edward when everyone else was around, though she often did take the time to get to know him whenever they had common time and were more or less in private.

Edward had his head stooped downwards when the phone rang. He flinched, having a sneaking suspicion as to who it probably was already. No one reacted except for Lilly who grabbed for the phone immediately. "Edward? Yes I'll see if he's available," she spoke into the receiver as she glanced up at her commanding officer. "Colonel, General Mustang is on the phone for you. Are you available to talk, Sir?"

"I wonder what he could possibly want," Edward replied with a dry tone. He did not answer Lilly and instead picked up his own receiver that usually sat unused on his desk. "General Mustang, what can I do for you?" His voice was anything but hospitable despite the friendly words he used.

"Come on, Ed. I'm only checking in," he heard Mustang say from the other end of the line. Edward rolled his eyes again, but smiled softly as Roy continued. "Did you sleep all right?"

"Not really," He went no further in any explanation. The two had previously agreed that they would be as vague as possible whenever they spoke outside the safety of Roy's apartment.

"Because of the pain?"

"Yes."

"Is it your hips and pelvic bone?"

Edward sighed as he brought his hand up and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Is there a reason why you're bothering me over the phone instead of in person like you usually do?" "Yes. I'm taking a personal day today. Have some errands and things to catch up on, but I still wanted to check in on you."

Edward smiled again; this time, though, he turned his face downwards and covered the look of his smile with the rounded, black end of the phone's receiver so that the others could not see him making such a dopey look of satisfaction. "Okay, well thanks I guess?" he said flatly though, he was sure that Roy could hear the smile in his voice. He was sure everyone in the office could hear it actually. Quickly, the other cleared his throat.

"I wanted to ask you something; that's why I'm calling," Roy's voice continued on.

"I'm listening.".

"I wanted to see if you won't come over to my place after work?"

"Why?"

"Please? I just found some research and wanted to talk things over with you."

Edward sighed, but agreed to the General's request, promising him that he would arrive as soon as he got off of work at the office.

"Thanks, Edward," he heard Mustang say softly before there was a click on the other end followed by the dial tone of a dead connection.

Come lunch time, Edward had in his hand a list of groceries to buy. After some discussion, Roy managed to get Edward to agree to pay more attention to eating and filling his body with nutrients.

He sat down with the hot lunch provided by the cafeteria in Central Command and began to look over the scribble of words, squinting in an attempt to read Roy's cursive writing. Mustang had taken it upon himself to nanny Edward's health. He had doe his own research and wrote lists of food items for Edward to focus on. Instead of having to think of the daunting 6 month haul, Roy was helping Edward to just to live one day at a time.

He frowned as he read over the list. There really wasn't much that the cafeteria was offering him in the ways of nutrition, just carbs, carbs, and more carbs.

"Is that for your grocery shopping ?"

Edward had been so caught up in looking over all of the things that he did not have accessible to him that he didn't hear miss Lilly Hall come up from behind him. "Something like that," he stated as he set the bit of paper down onto the table and shrugged a little at her. "More like the required servings of nourishment for the day."

Lilly sat beside him and grabbed for the paper. "Classic staples. Calcium, grains, fats, iron." She nodded in approval as if he had been looking for it.

Edward blinked at her. "Do you know a lot about nutrition?"

"Well sure; I was a nurse in the war and a lot of the concerns that befell to me included providing sufficient amounts of nutrients in tight pinch situations. Vitamin supplements and such, like that yucky sticky stuff that you mom would feed you."

"Yuck, you mean like raw molasses?" Edward said as he shivered at the memory of having to choke down large spoonfuls of the stuff when he was feeling under the weather as a kid.

Lilly laughed and nodded her head. "Yeah, good source of iron that, but I wasn't going around with spoonfuls of molasses to the wounded soldiers. I'm sure that probably would have been a better alternative to what I was giving them. This stuff was more like concentrated, liquid vitamins," she explained with a shiver. "I'm more like a glorified home remedy kind of gal than I am a nurse, but the war effort needed nurses stationed in the medical outposts. Anybody who had rudimentary knowledge in health was sufficient enough at the time."

Edward listened intently, cocking his head to the side ever so slightly as she spoke. He sighed. "Man, I wish my mom were alive. Her home remedies always helped me to feel better. I've been feeling like I'm on Death's doorstep."

"Really? I could hardly tell, Sir," she teased, applying the title sir at the end of her statement for extra sarcasm.

Edward flashed a quick grin. "So what can your hedge-witchy stuff do for me Not-A-Nurse-Lilly Hall?" he asked as he leaned forward.

She smiled. "Well judging by your list I'd say first that with all of that iron you're trying to supplement probably means that you're borderline anemic. Extreme fatigue, dizziness, and confusion, yeah?"

Edward nodded.

"That's super common in the vets right now. Little to no red meats out on the battlefield for that many months. How long were you deployed for before you, um-"she broke off from what she was about to say.

"I didn't get shot and sent out if that's what you're trying to ask. I mean, I got shot, but it wasn't enough to send me back home," he said as he patted his shoulder where he had been wounded.

"Oh, okay, so how long were you out there?"

To that Edward clucked his tongue and tossed his head back as he took a moment to think. "Lets see. After the coup on Central Command, I led a special ops team to try and undermine the efforts of Drachma before the war effort got bleek. When nothing I did seemed to help, they sent me to boot camp for active combat. 6 weeks of that and I was ready for the northern border. That was in February of 1918."

"Oh my. So you've been involved in active combat for a good long while," Lilly commented as she raised her eyebrows.

"Too long. We lost so much of our front lines that we all ended up having to take our turns in the trenches."

"No!" Lilly gasped. "They sent such a valuable resource as yourself into the front line active trenches? But you're the Fullmetal Alchemist! The Hero of Central Command!"

"And still just a dog of the military. Just because I have an honor on my collar doesn't make me any less disposable than anyone else."

"Wow, you've done so much for your country," Lilly breathed quiet. She leaned forward and put her hand on his knee gently, meaning her touch to be comforting. "A lot of soldiers haven't come out of the trenches the same.

"Besides fatigue what other symptoms?"

"Nausea," Edward said immediately. "I'm sick near constantly."

"Understandable," Lilly mused. "Being deficient in iron also means a deficiency in nutrients found in animal products like B-12." As she spoke she began to scribble onto the paper with her own pen from her pocket.

Edward leaned forward and looked over her shoulder. "And heartburn too, like my stomach won't ever settle," he added.

She added a few more items. "I mean; it's easy to fix the outside of a soldier from war. Inside not so much, but if you ever need anyone to talk to," she offered. "Here. Okay, so mostly you can start to feel better if you focus on animal products. Milk and cheese are sources of calcium that should help with the heartburn. And then red meats should help you start to get your strength back and help increase your red blood cell count. This won't be fixed right away, though, Sir. Things like ginger tea should help you acclimatize in the meantime. Hot lemon water in the morning, ginger tea at night should help. Just try and begin slowly." With that, Lilly slid the list over to Edward and smiled, looking proud to have been helpful.

"Thank you," Edward breathed. It was a relief to have been able to talk to someone about his ailments without having to worry.

"Oh please; it's no trouble. I remember my cousin used to talk about you all the time when he would come home and visit. I always admired you. You and my cousin, um, well you guys are the reasons why I myself wanted to join the military," she said quietly as she patted the table light with her hands to keep herself preoccupied during this moment of vulnerability with a superior officer.

"Really? Who's your cousin?"

"Kain Fuery."

"No kidding? That's why you look so familiar. You look a lot like him. Wow, small world in the military I guess. Is he still-" Edward trailed off.

"Alive? Yeah, he's stationed down south. I talked to him not long ago. He seems to be doing fine. He was always pretty fond of you, said you were so cool whenever you went toe to toe with General Mustang."

Edward laughed as he pocketed the slip of paper. "More like hot-headed and annoying I think, but thanks, Lilly. I should get going. I have some things that I want to finish up before the end of the day. I think I'll start bringing a lunch from now on," he said as he looked at his untouched food tray with disappointment. "I actually am really sick of military food. At least this is better than rations out on the field I guess," he said stiffly.

Talking to Lilly had been extremely useful. Now Edward had a solid ground as to how he could help alleviate some of his symptoms. He severely doubted, though, that nutrition alone was key to helping this pregnancy go smoothly. There were still a lot of unanswered questions and concerns floating around in the back of Edward's mind. He had plenty to think about to take him well to the end of the day.

The way to Roy's home was becoming a familiar trek to Edward. He was soon discovering that he was spending more time there than he often did in his own home. He was fine with that. His flat was empty and cold; at least with Roy he had someone to talk with. Living alone was something that Edward still wasn't used to yet. Although he was a grown adult in his 20's, living alone seemed daunting to him.

He rapped his knuckles on the door to Roy's apartment and opened the door slowly, calling in as he did so. "Hello?"

"Edward, come in." Roy did not bother to get up from the sofa that he was sitting at. He smiled and allowed for the young alchemist to cross the threshold and remove his coat. Edward glanced around the room, noting a familiar face sitting across from Roy in one of the reading chairs. Instantly, Edward froze and stared with a wide eyed expression at the individual.

"Edward; I'm sure you remember Dr. Zelka. I asked him to make a house call today," Roy said with a smarmy, smug look on his face. Oh, how Edward hated that look of Mustang's.


	14. Scope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fabulous readers,
> 
> I accidentally walked myself into another chapter that I don't really want to write… I kept editing it and re-editing it because filler chapters can go so wrong if you're not too careful. Thanks for waiting, guys.

Edward teetered there for a moment as he eyeballed Dr. Zelka suspiciously, looking from him to Roy then back to him. "Why?" he asked dejectedly. The question was meant to be arbitrary; by no means did he expect anyone to give him an answer other than because.

"Edward, this is my dear friend, Dr. Daniel Zelka," Roy said, that stupid look still on his face as he gestured to Dr. Zelka. "Ex lover actually," he added the last bit with a nod of his head like he was talking about the weather rather than his sexual promiscuity, like the honesty was supposed to ease the tension riding on Edward's shoulders.

Edward narrowed his eyes, but he walked further into the room nonetheless, knowing that it was pointless to combat against either of them. He didn't think that Doctor Zelka would come circling back into this equation.

With a gruff grunt, Edward plopped down onto the couch beside Roy and crossed his leg over his opposite knee so that he could bob his foot up and down impatiently. "Okay; so I'll entertain the two of you," he began with a sour tone; he clucked his tongue once with annoyance.

"How benevolent," Roy mused. He leaned forward and placed his hand on Edward's leg.

With a small amount of discomfort, Edward jerked his knee so that Roy released his hold. "What do you want?" he continued to ask sternly, ever the one to cut straight to the chase.

"Well, it's not a matter of what I want, Edward, but rather what I can do for you. In order for me to be of any use, though, you have to willingly let me help you," Dr. Zelka said slowly. Steadily, he leaned forward and laced his fingers together. He gave Edward a sympathetic look, but the alchemist severely doubted that the other man had any grounds on which to be sympathetic on.

"Alright, then. So what do you know?"

Zelka continued, "I know some of the details. Honestly I didn't realize that this was even within the realm of possibility. My nurses and I knew you were a hermaphrodite. And now, thanks to Roy, I know that you are pregnant.

"Please refrain from calling me a hermaphrodite," Edward said rather curtly as he held up a hand, hoping that his gesture would further halt that word from ever being used in reference to his body. Zelka's explanation. He pointed at Roy and spoke once more. "How much did he tell you up to the present?"

For a moment, Dr. Zelka looked to Roy then back to Edward briefly. He made a visible swallow of saliva as he though he were thinking long and hard about how to reply next. "I know that you used medical alchemy and human transmutation to alter your physical body. I didn't recognize that during your time under my care; I honestly just assumed that it was because you were born," he paused and made a gesture towards Edward's body rather than call him a hermaphrodite again, "the way that you currently are. I did not think to do a full medical examination of you while you were in a coma.

"It's a medical miracle by all means," he continued. He shook his head slightly and blinked a few times in disbelief as he looked Edward up and down. "You have something inside of you that's utterly foreign to your body and yet your body is not fighting it off as it would fight off an infection. And you're certain that the fetus is still alive?"

"Yes," Edward said quietly. "I've been monitoring the baby's heartbeat at night. I, uh, stole a stethoscope from the hospital; sorry," he said with a nonchalant shrug.

"Medically it means that you're compatible with Miss Riza Hawkeye in a lot of ways for your body to be able to support something that was once a part of her. And for your body to be more or less naturally adapting to this suggest that your hormone levels have acclimatized themselves in remarkable ways. I mean, men and women can be similar in a lot of ways, but hormonally the two genders are vastly different.

"This will be a medical breakthrough if you survive this."

The doctor cleared his throat and attempted to smooth over the nervous tension in the air made by his comment. "I'm sorry," he dismissed quietly. "Your body, Edward, was originally meant to be male. Yes, you have both genders now, but that does not mean that you can necessarily carry this baby through all of the trimesters in a healthy way. Your organs are still in different positions than a woman's. A woman's body understands the complexity of pregnancy and adapts to it. Her organs move and allow room for a growing womb. Your organs might not adhere to the same rules of nature. This, then, could potentially be very dangerous to your body.

"It's a good thing that you brought me in on this. In the very least I can provide examinations and monitor your progress to ensure that you won't hemorrhage and bleed out."

"And what happens if my body doesn't adapt?" Edward said with a gulp, thinking that it would be a waste if he died after all of this hassle.

For a moment Zelka looked uncomfortable. He glanced down at the ground with a bit of nerves before he looked back up at Edward with an honest expression on his features. "It's my job as a doctor to protect the host. In most cases where it comes down to either the fetus or the mother I always choose the mother's life. We would have to look into aborting unnaturally to spare your life and save you from the unnecessary strain.

"Let's help so that doesn't come to pass, then," Roy interjected as he leaned forward and reached for Edward's hand, grabbing onto it with a gentle show of concern and genuine care.

Having been caught up in the realization that things could go very wrong very quickly, Edward didn't register Roy's hand as being an intrusion; instead of shooing him away, he held onto it with a fastened grip. "Yes, we'll just have to make this work. I already made that ultimatum when I decided to do this. I will make this work; I have to."

Zelka nodded. "I understand completely; this doesn't have to be dismal and bleak situation either, but rather this can be a real medical progression into the future."

"This kind of alchemy shouldn't be a progression in medicine," Edward said as he shook his head. "I bent the rules of transmutation and perverted the laws of nature. I'm going to have to live with the changes in my body for the rest of my life now." He stopped and snorted out a light laugh, far too light for what he had been thinking. "You'd think I'd have learned my lesson by now."

"I won't claim to know anything about alchemy, Edward, but seeing your body now, studying a male during this intricate process can be helpful. Please allow me to use you as the subject of my research while I aid you through this."

It seemed like a small payment in exchange for the help that Edward so desperately needed. With little hesitation, Edward nodded. "Where do you want to start?"

"A full physical examination please," Zelka said as he stood up. "I should have done one in the first place, but I wanted to respect your privacy."

"Gee, you make me sound so special," Edward said as he followed the doctor's lead and stood as well. "Are you sure you want this doctor's visit to continue in your home, Mustang? It's kind of creepy to continue on in your house like this. Surely you don't want me naked and all over your things."

Now the third to rise, Mustang chuckled a little as a means to dismiss Edward's concern. "Please, if I had an issue with it I would have dismissed myself from being involved already. Seeing as how I'm still here, though, must mean that I'm dedicated to seeing this through

"And by all means, Edward, be naked all over my things to your heart's content. I'm sure I'll survive," he added with a sly grin.

"That's the kind of crass charm that roped me into a relationship with him too," Dr. Zelka snickered dryly as Edward began to remove bits of his uniform.

"We're not in a relationship," Edward said stiffly as he folded his jacket and dress shirt and tossed them onto the coffee table.

"No? My mistake. Roy was the reason why you were assigned to me to begin with. He requested that I doctor you while you were in your coma. And here I thought it was because he was trying to make me jealous," he chuckled as he gently hoisted his briefcase off of the floor and began to walk down the hallway, towards the General's bedroom.

Edward chose to pay no mind to the doctor's comments for the time being; instead, he followed the other to the bedroom complacently. He chose to keep his eyes closed as he disrobed the rest of the way and weaseled his way back into Roy's bed.

"Please scoot your rear this way," Zelka said as he Edward could hear the sounds of the other man rummaging around in his belongings for the required tools. He heard a clacking of metal as the Zelka brought out one of his tools and rested it near Edward's naked leg. Still, the alchemist kept his eyes closed and his head turned upwards towards the high vaulted ceiling. He gulped as his toes began to curl under in anticipation for another being to go rooting around inside of him where he himself had not even touched yet.

"Nervous?"

Instead of answering immediately, Edward gritted his teeth together and bit out his reply. "Let's just get this over with," he said with a shiver.

"So I'll assume, then, that since you haven't been awake in this altered body of yours for very long that you haven't," with that Zelka quietly trailed off.

"Had sex? No," Edward said as he sighed and brought his hands up to his warm cheeks.

"Hmm."

"What do you mean 'hmm'? If you're worried about Roy you can have him back." Edward popped his head upwards and looked between his legs at Zelka's freckled, dark face. The young doctor gave a warm smile and a soft chuckle.

"My questions are for medical understanding strictly, Edward," he clarified softly. "Please relax," he instructed as he began fiddling with a tool that looked to Edward like some sort of metal scope. "Here's a question for the ages. Is this your vaginal canal that you created, or is this from Miss Riza's body?" He put his hand on Edward's knee and gave it a little shake to give him the cue to relax his muscles more. "If it's hers, then is it now essentially virgin again? Or if it's of your own creation, then how did you get it to look so, well, accurate I suppose," he mused more to himself while Edward listened with no intent on replying.

"If this tissue is essentially virgin, then I'm afraid that you're going to have to acclimatize yourself to this sensation of people touching you. Take in a breath."

Upon doing so, Edward winced as he felt something cold and hard be inserted inside of him. He hissed, his knee jerk reaction being to scoot away from the pressure, but compelled himself to stay still.

"You're tight down here," he heard Zelka go on as he made a metal clacking sound with the scop.

"So I should?" Edward trailed off; he had little desire to finish that sentence with his own energy.

"Masturbate? Have sex? Any and all of the above. Practice using the new muscles you have down here. If we can get you to the point where you have a birth naturally you're going to want to have more control over these muscles. Try clenching now."

When Edward did so Dr. Zelka nodded. "The tissue looks healthy. Cervix is closed and up high so that's good. Have you been feeling cramps?"

"Yes," Edward said through gritted teeth with his eyes still upturned towards the ceiling. He had them opened now, but he would prefer to look anywhere but at the doctor while he spoke. "Is that a bad thing?"

Zelka chuckled lightly as he felt the uncomfortable feeling of having that scope inside of him be removed. He brought his fingers to Edward's abdomen and began pushing hard into his flesh. "It's hard to be sure; I'll take the cramps as a good sign that you do infact have a uterus. Your body is going to continuously get used to having to contract and will cramp periodically throughout this pregnancy. So long as they don't become excruciatingly painful then we should be okay.

"Okay," Edward nodded in return as he closed his legs together.

"Symptoms?"

"Nausea, vomiting, fatigue, weakness," he listed them all as best he could, not knowing what were normal pregnancy problems or abnormal ones.

"All normal. No sharp pains? A dull contraction cramp is good, anything that feels like a hot knife poking you anywhere in the abdomen is bad."

"In my pelvis, sometimes it wraps around to my lower spine."

"Another good sign. Fascinating," Zelka mused as he pushed his fingers down Edward's and began to feel around his groin. "Right here?" he asked as he jabbed his finger into a particularly sensitive spot.

Edward grunted, but remained still. "A-yeah that's the place. It's more like my bone that hurts I think."

"It is your bone. Your body truly is adapting as a woman's would. Essentially the pain you're feeling is your hips widening for the birth. Think of them like growing pains but for pre labor," Zelka said. He extracted his hands and moved to cover Edward's naked body with one of Roy's sheets. "How about soreness around your nipples?"

Edward's cheeks flushed red for a moment before he replied. "No difference I don't think?" he said as he looked down at his flat chest. He silenced himself when the doctor brought his fingers to his chest and began to feel around for abnormalities. It was accomplishing nothing but making Edward feel more awkward than he had been with his legs spread open wide. He cleared his throat uncomfortably.

When the doctor retracted his fingers again, Edward relaxed a little and blinked a few times, looking down at his half naked body, then back up to Dr. Zelka's face while the man began to speak. "I don't feel anything abnormal, and by abnormal I mean I don't feel any mammaries. It might not be entirely impossible that your body grows softer and develops them later on." He moved to sit beside Edward on the bed and allowed for the other male to scoot and sit up with his sheet wrapped around his waist.

Zelka continued. "I can't be for sure, but given the size and shape of your body in comparison to the womb growing I will confirm your suspicion that 3 to 4 months is right around how far along you are. The baby is sitting low in the left hand side of your abdomen. I have a feeling that's where the little one will stay. There's more space there where your new womb is sitting. The symptoms you're experiencing are normal signs of pregnancy. With your pelvic bone giving you so much strain, though, I would encourage you to get adequate rest. For a woman I would recommend bedrest."

"That's not an option," Edward sniffed stubbornly. "I can't call attention to myself right now. I've had enough bedrest for a million years I feel like. It feels better to be moving than it does to be lying or sitting."

"And what are you going to do when you get to be too big?"

"I don't know," Edward admitted softly. "I have some time, though, to figure it out right?"

At that Zelka cocked his head to the side out of curiosity to the question. "Not long, Edward. Your body will only continue to change and grew rapidly from here on out."

Edward nodded. "So I better figure something out soon," he muttered under his breath. He combed his fingers through his bangs and lifted them up out of his eyes for a moment whilst he looked down at the shape of his legs beneath the sheets.

"Do you have any questions?" He could hear the man ask from beside him

"Yeah, after the baby is born. What are my options? For adoption and stuff if I can't find the rightful father, I mean?"


	15. Swallow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fabulous readers,
> 
> I usually don't like to go over 2,500 words and for some reason I guess I got way too carried away with this chapter? Idk what happened. I was just laying in my bed last night half asleep and ta-da. Sorry about the length, but I know that the majority of you probably won't mind giving the content of this chapter.
> 
> Enjoy. 3

By the time the doctor bid his adieus to both Roy and Edward later that evening it had already grown dark outside. As customary for March, it was raining again as it had been every night. Water droplets pelted the windowpanes in the apartment and cast a heavy echoing sound through the empty rooms and hallways.

Edward was bundling himself up, apprehensive of the chill that was waiting for him outside. He didn't expect for the night to go by so fast with the doctor. He no longer had time to go shopping for the items that Lilly had so lovingly written down for him. For once he was actually hungry. It was only natural, then, for the young man to feel bitter and angry due to his hunger. He was sick of being sick in addition to being exhausted by his fickle appetite.

He tossed his head back towards the empty living room, wanting to bid Roy a goodbye before he left. "Okay, I'm going to leave now."

"Woah, wait, Ed," Roy called as he popped out from behind the other side of his kitchen wall. "I thought you said your automail hurt you in the rain?" he asked as he gave Edward a small expression of genuine concern.

Smoothly Edward rolled his head to one side and raised his slim eyebrow at the other. "Yeah?" he questioned, not understanding at first what the connection was between Roy's question and the reality of the situation. He was going to have to go out in the rain whether it hurt his automail or not.

"Then why are you in such a hurry to go out in that weather? You don't even have an umbrella, do you?"

"No," Edward replied flatly as he turned on his heel towards the inside of the apartment and shoved his hands in his trench coat pockets. He wanted very much to act ungrateful and impatient, but he couldn't help but feel flattered that Roy was being so charming. He was sure, though, that he did not show that expression of small endearment on his features and instead projected a air of aloofness.

"We should get you an umbrella so you don't have to worry about getting caught in the rain. With how long your hair is you're sure to catch a cold one of these days if you keep getting it soaked out in the chill of spring. Please, won't you stay for dinner?" Roy asked as he gestured to his kitchen table where Edward could seat himself.

Cautiously, the other chewed on his bottom lip. He glanced around the room before he hesitantly removed his coat once more and tossed it onto a nearby chair carelessly. He couldn't deny the growling in his stomach; he was sure that it was so loud that Roy could most likely hear it all the way in the kitchen. He took a seat at the fine oak table and settled against the chair gently, spreading his legs and lowering his hips so they wouldn't hurt so much while he rested there.

He looked Roy up and down. "Uh, thanks I guess," he commented quickly as he put his hands onto the table.

Roy glanced backwards at him and gave him a small, tired smile. "He turned out to be pretty useful didn't he?" he asked as he nodded towards the door.

"The doctor? Yeah, I suppose that was useful," Edward mused as he flipped his hair over his shoulder and began to play with it between his fingers, twisting and curling it around his index finger as he rested his chin in his free hand.

"You guys talked all evening. Did you find out a lot?" Roy continued as he began working over his stove top, scraping and clacking a few cast iron pans and utensils.

"I suppose." Edward's tone was blase as he spoke. He did not want to seem like he was in a position where he had yet forgiven Roy for having gone behind his back and set up the doctor's appointment in the first place.

"Everything is all good then?"

Obviously the older man was looking for something. Gently, Edward glanced sideways over to the General and gave him a look of mild amusement. "So far so good, Mustang," he commented nonchalantly.

"Please, Edward, you can call me Roy."

Edward sniffed. He straightened both of his arms against the table and leaned, back flat against the chair. "About that; why in world are you being so nice to me?"

"I thought we went over this once before, Edward," Roy tutted as he stirred something in a pot with a wooden spoon. "Contrary to your deluded personal belief I've always cared about you."

"Yeah, but you're showing it a lot differently than before when I was directly under your charge."

"I suppose so, from your perspective that is. From my perspective my attitude, generosity, and love for you hasn't changed much from when you were a teenager. The only reason why you're picking up on it now is because you're older and less combative towards me. You're actually listening to me and therefore you're actually hearing the sincerity in my words," he said with a tired sigh as he spooned some food into two bowls and twisted to carry them to the table.

"It's not much," he continued as he rested a bowl in front of Edward. "But I figured that with all of the pain you've been enduring that something easy on the stomach would be just the ticket," he twitched his lips quickly in a half attempt at a smile before he sat down perpendicular to him.

"It's broth with egg and rice," Roy said as he handed Edward a spoon.

"Smells good," Edward commented as he sniffed at the bowl and relished the feeling of steam as it lapped at his face.

"My foster mother used to make this for me when I was sick. It always helped to settle an upset stomach," he said as he sipped at a spoonful.

"Thanks, but you didn't have to accommodate to me. Surly you want something with more sustenance than just broth dinner," Edward said while he looked down at his bowl with guilt.

"Okay then, I was just going to let you go on thinking that I was so selfless, but I'll let you in on my secret. While you were in the room with the doctor I stuffed my face with a sandwich earlier. I just figured that you might appreciate something more gentle to eat. But please, go on thinking I'm the greatest; I kind of like it," he said with a wink.

Edward scoffed. Quickly he shoved a spoonful of food into his mouth and swallowed. Oh food felt so good. As soon as it hit his stomach it felt as though it cured nearly all of his ailments. He hummed before could catch himself. He coughed to mask the sound of pleasure and bent forward quickly to cover his mouth with his hand. All the while the General continued to smirk.

"You must not be eating very well if you think my cooking is moan worthy," Roy said with a chuckle though he had a more serious look in his dark eyes.

"I can cook if that's what you're asking me. More or less," Edward added with a nod of his head as he tried to conjure an image of the last dish he had prepared for himself that turned out fairly decently. Recipes eluded him. He could follow an alchemic recipe perfectly, but food and cooking were mostly way beyond his skill sets. He was never really good at much beyond combat and scholarly studies.

"Good, then you should cook for me some time," Roy pushed.

Edward half laughed half coughed. "See, now this is more of the usual Roy Mustang that I'm used to; the bastard that's always pushing my buttons and teasing me."

"Only in a good way; and only because it usually tugs adorable reactions out of you," Roy said as he reached forward and pinched at Edward's slim cheek.

Edward slapped the man's hand away as he gobbled another spoonful of food. "Don't push your luck. What's this about love and adorable? You mean to say that you've been in love with me all of this time?" Edward asked as he swallowed and shoved his spoon back into the bowl. He gazed up at Roy's expression, catching himself off guard for he did not expect to see that pink hue cover the man's features.

Roy's dark eyes looked from his bowl then across the old surface of his table. He seemed like he was chewing on his cheek before he slowly turned to look at Edward.

The blonde alchemist had not been expecting so much a raw look from the General. The expression simply took his breath away. Sheepishly, Edward looked away.

"I've always been gay," he could hear Roy begin. "When you come to that somber reality in this day and age, you learn to live with it as best as you can. It's a hard enough world as it is being a gay military man. I'm always on my toes. Couldn't let it slip lest I fall from my spot on the ladder, right?"

"So you make due with a flare of a romance here, a fling there. Brief passions in the night and gone at dawn. I was okay living like that until I met you."

Slowly, Edward rose his eyes to look at Roy. He pressed his lips together as he put some key puzzle pieces together. "But I was only?" he trailed, of trying to remember how old he had been when he had first met the man.

"Not right away, Edward, though I will admit that I loved the fire and passion in your golden eyes. I love how bright they are, so full of life. As time went on my feelings got more complex. You matured before my eyes and my so did my love for you.

"You're an adult now so I don't feel nearly as creeped out to admit these things."

"You're a perv, Roy," Edward laughed as he bowed his head to hide his snicker. "Honestly; how much older are you than me? What 14 years or so?"

Roy shrugged. He knew the answer all too well, he just chose not comply with a comment. "My point is that being gay you get used to wanting things that you can't have. But what about you, now, Edward? You were pretty eager to take you clothes off for me last time things got heavy. If I'm perverted for loving someone younger than me, then what does that make you for willing to have a go with someone so much older and of the same gender?"

Edward gulped in reaction to that. It was a solid point. He blinked a few times. "I don't know what it is that's driving me crazy about you. I mean, you've always driven me crazy and in my youth I just took that as some weird dominance issue that I must have had with you." To that Roy snorted, but Edward chose to ignore him with a dry sniff and continued. "When you kissed me the other night I liked it. Maybe it's the part of Riza that I have inside of me now. Maybe having her blood running through my veins makes me a little hot for you?"

"Are you gay? You mentioned that nurse when we went out for drinks. Or was that just another part of your life?

Edward looked at him blankly. "What does it matter what my sexuality is? I don't know what I am. I just know that when I kissed you I liked it," he said flatly. "That's how it makes sense to me. I don't want to complicate things. Do you?"

"I suppose not," Roy said slowly as he lowered his spoon and reached for Edward's hand.

"You keep hitting on me and it does turn me on.. I just don't want this to be fake and I don't want you out of pity of sympathy," Edward continued.

"I understand. Edward, can I kiss you again?" Roy asked as he leaned forward.

Edward took a moment to register how fast his heart was beating in his chest. He glanced down to the ground for a second before he looked Roy in the eyes. "I think it might be the hormones. I've been feeling hot and confused lately. Kissing you sounds amazing, but I'm afraid I'll get carried away," he admitted softly as he swallowed a gulp of saliva.

"So then get carried away," Roy replied simply as he lay his hand atop of Edward's.

Edward replied by leaning forward and crashing his forehead against Roy's. Quickly, Edward closed his eyes and pushed his lips against the other's truly wanting to convey the right emotions to the man with his gesture. He didn't want to just kiss him because he had been asked to, but rather because he did want it. There were a lot of things he wanted. As their lips touched, he made such a small sound of defeat and pleasure, just a small submissive 'mphf' as he reached with both of his hands upwards to grab at Roy's shirt.

He pulled away as quickly as he had gone in and looked back to his half empty bowl of food, licking the taste of broth that was still on their lips as he did so. He brought his fingers to his lips and traced the outline of them, wiping the excess moisture off of them before he looked back to Roy.

"Thank you," Edward said finally. "For the food and for your kindness."

"Don't make it sound like you're leaving already," Roy put up a small fuss as he leaned on the table a little more. "You're welcome to stay as long as you like."

To that Edward laughed lightly. "Thanks, but I wouldn't know what I'd do if I stayed here. The longer I hang around you the more crazy I feel sometimes."

"Crazy in a good way?"

Again Edward laughed. "Crazy in a good way," he confirmed softly with such a sweet tone as he flashed a genuine smile.

"I like crazy, probably why I like you so much I assume," Roy said as his hand came to stroke the side of Edward's cheek.

"My hormones are out of whack," Edward said quietly as his eyes fluttered to the touch from the General. "One moment I'm angry or sad, the next I'm horny. I've been going on feeling so unstable and it's killing me," he said as he craned his face towards the heat of Roy's touch.

"Pent up tension?" Came Roy's smooth reply.

"Something like that. Even now I feel like I'm throbbing down there in a way I'm still not used to. I'm too terrified to go exploring with myself," he said, not even sure why it was that he was being so honest.

"Want some help?"

"Teach me?"

Roy was ever so close to Edward. He had his hands in his hair and was playing with the blonde locks that were tucked behind his ears. Edward could hear him laugh and feel the force of air brush across his lips as he exhaled his sound of amusement. "Come on. I'll show you," he could hear him say all the while Edward was leaning a little closer to him, wanting so much to delve his nose against the man's neck so that he could take in the smell of him.

Things moved ever so wonderfully fast. One moment Edward was sitting at Roy's table, kissing him with innocence, the next he was in the strength of the man's arms and being carried to the bedroom.

With the sounds of the rain all throughout the apartment, Edward could honestly say that he felt a peace there tucked away in the sheets of Roy's bed. Roy had one of his windows opened if only to let in the sound of thunder and water as it splashed against the concrete and asphalt outside.

The smell was delightful, refreshing relaxing. The chill of the slight breeze had Edward's skin alive with goosebumps. He was leaning against the older man's chest, resting between his legs with his own legs parted and his pants riding low on his thighs. From behind him, Roy was nipping and kissing at his ears and neck while his fingers roamed along the gentle curves of Edward's body. All the while Edward rolled his head on his shoulders as he uttered little sounds of praise and pleasure.

His fingers were laced between Roy's as his hands roamed free across his own body. He wanted to know how Roy made him feel so good and he was under the delusion that if he traced the man's fingertips then he would know his secrets.

Down and down his abdomen he went until he paused on the swollen bump low on him. Together their hands rolled across the smooth surface of the baby tucked safely in Edward's womb and the smaller male could not help but let out a small whimper of pleasure. It was the first time that he had truly stroked his stomach with such tender love and care. He loved the feel of Roy's strong hands against him.

To the sensation, his toes curled and his erection twitched with neglect.

"Feel good?" Roy whispered against the nape of his neck as a slow roll of thunder rumbled across the sky outside.

With a shaky breath, Edward nodded. "Feels safe to be like this. I like it a lot," he replied back with with a low voice.

"That's good."

Edward held onto Roy's forearms as his hands delved deeper and rolled across his erection, then gently across his testicles, then finally to the spot that Edward had been avoiding with such embarrassment.

Edward paused; he lifted his hands off of the man's skin for a second as Roy's fingers began to play with the sensitive flesh between Edward's legs.

"Should I make you feel good here?" Edward could hear Roy said so slowly, his breath tickling him behind his ear.

Meekly, Edward gave a timid nod as he let his own fingers fall against Roy's once more. "Show me," he said as he opened his eyes and looked at the hands that were playing between his legs.

"Like this," Roy began as Edward could feel his fingers delve between the soft petals of flesh. "In and up," he went on as he grabbed onto Edward's fingers and had them rolling inside of him. "Stroke until you feel like you might go insane."

Edward emitted a gasp before as his breath lost itself somewhere between his lungs and his lips. He rolled his head backwards and rested it on Roy's shoulders as the older man showed him how to pleasure himself in a way he thought he never would be able to do. He would never admit it out loud, but he couldn't help but think in that moment how much he enjoyed having this new feminine part to him to enjoy. It was all his to tease and please and oh how he embraced it! "More," he moaned as their fingers toyed and scissored at his flesh. It was only painful at first, but the sensation of pain soon melted and was replaced with incredible pleasure. So much so that it was almost maddening.

"Oh please more; right there," he whimpered as he parted his lips and panted.

"Kiss me," he could hear Roy ask against his cheek.

Without missing a beat, Edward swiveled his face and pushed his lips against Roy's, doing whatever the man wanted in that moment of sweet, raw passion. His lips parted and his tongue played with the older man's as he continued to pant and moan, sharing his breath with Roy as he did so.

"I-I'm cumming," he moaned as he could feel himself twitch. "Don't stop."

He hadn't realized it, but the more he begged, the faster Roy had their fingers moving. He was hardly gentle by the last of it and oh how Edward secretly loved how harsh Roy was being with him! He felt loose, whorish...satisfied. He was hardly quiet with his pleasure as he came, ejaculating across his belly and as far up as his chin and lips.

He blinked dumbly. "That was so weird!" he laughed as he felt Roy's fingers still stroke at the inside of him post orgasm.

He could feel his partner hum gently at his side, his lips kissing the nape of his neck and the angle of his jawline. "Can I make love to you Edward?" he heard him say softly.

Quickly, the blonde sat up and swiveled his body around so that he was facing Roy. He put his hands on Mustang's hips and with shaking fingers he began to work his way into the his pants. He pressed his lips together, face hot with a deep red blush as he gently shook his head no. "I-I don't think I'm ready for that," he admitted as he wiggled his body downwards. "But please let me return the favor."

At that, Roy laughed through his nose. He brought his hands to Edward's naked shoulders and stroked him fondly with the blunt of his thumbs. "Ed, you don't have to worry about that."

As kind as Roy was being, Edward had no intention of letting things go unreciprocated. He cut the other off. "Equivalent exchange; I've just, um, I've never gone down on anyone before so you'll have to excuse me if it's not very good," he muttered as he lay his body down and nuzzled between Roy's legs. "So keep teaching me, okay?" he continued softly as he scooped his erection out of his pants and held the weight and thickness of him in his hands. He was really…. big.

For a moment Edward's golden eyes grew wide as his fingers trailed the length of Roy's erection. And that was supposed to fit inside of him at some point?

"Don't look so scared," Roy said nervously as his fingers traveled from the young man's shoulders to his hair. "Open your mouth," he encouraged, not with a demand, but with a timid request, and gentle authority.

Eagerly, Edward opened his mouth wide and let his tongue hang out so that Roy's erection could be cradled in the crook of it. He looked up as he licked, tasting his pre-cum. Slimey, metalicy.

From above him Roy hissed as his fingers gripped a little tighter in his hair. He bucked his hips forward, sending silent signals that he wanted to be sucked off.

Edward was always the type that wanted to do good at whatever new things he tried. It wasn't hard to figure out; he just mimicked what he would enjoy on himself with Roy, fingers, lips, tongue, all of them he used to Roy's benefit as he pleasured him. Eventually he got to the point where he could fit the entirety of the man deep into his throat. He buried his nose against the man's pubic hair and relished the smell of him. He looked up, wanting to know if he was doing good enough.

"Shit, Edward," he could hear Roy moan as his fingers tangled tighter in his hair. He yanked on him and forced his head to bob up and down quickly all to Edward's pleasure. He really liked to have his hair be pulled. He liked, as well, to more or less be roughly handled. He himself was feeling pretty good during the exchange with how Roy was tugging on him. He emitted a moan as he loosened his lips from around the man's cock, allowing for his saliva to drip from off of his swollen, red lips.

"Shit, I'm cumming," Roy moaned as Edward swallowed him once more.

In reply he merely hummed. He had not been expecting for his partner to ejaculate so quickly after that. Hot, slimy liquid coated the insides of his mouth. Edward grimaced as he suckled a bit more and pulled away with a pop of his lips.

"Swallow," Roy encouraged, clearly he was driven a little mad with lust.

It was an odd request, but Edward complied gladly. He looked up and made a visible gulping sound before he opened his mouth and showed Roy his abused lips and tongue much to his partner's clear delight.

Roy cooed as he trailed his thumb across Edward's bottom lip. "You're so beautiful," he whispered as he leaned forward and kissed him, both at that point exhausted and satisfied.


	16. Morning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fabulous readers,
> 
> I feel personally satisfied by my last chapter. Like I needed a cigarette and a hot shower after I finished it and edited it a few times. Anyone else? Hot damn. So much so that I skipped ahead to write more erotic scenes for this story. >....> Now I'll just hold onto those for now I guess. Lol.

The rain that splashed on his face was cold, like hard droplets of ice that splattered against his porcelain skin and trailed along his cheeks and down his neck. He was laying in the mud with his somber expression turned up to the sky. The clouds were dark, covering the stars and the moon, leaving Edward to exist only in a shroud of darkness.

He swallowed a thick lump in his throat as he blinked slowly. His limbs were numb, his heart felt as though it was no longer there. Surly he was dead. He could feel his chest, though, rising and falling slowly with each feeble breath.

"Please just let me die," he muttered as he turned his head and looked through the mud and muck of the land. "I don't want to live anymore." There was a reason why he kept his eyes turned upwards towards the sky, why he refused to look around. For when he twisted his head he could see the endless field of carcasses. As far as the eye could see it was just one mass grave of soldiers..

He swallowed again as he turned his head away from their deformed, decaying bodies, away from the stench of frozen, rotting flesh, away from their sad, deadpan expressions. He hiccuped, tears now mixing with the freezing rain.

"Edward."

"Please no," he moaned as he shook his head and closed his eyes.

"Edward."

"Please just leave me."

"Edward look at me," her voice said as he felt a pressure crawl atop of his body. Two hands roamed along his chest and down his sides as he felt the pressure rest atop of his hips. "Edward, please," the voice whispered, her tone reminded him of a harpie's from fables that he had read somewhere in musty old books. "Does it feel good, Edward?"

"Yes," he admitted quietly as he felt two hands grasp onto his own and yank them up from their frozen grave in the mud. The presence upon him pulled his hands up to two cold and hard thighs while he felt the pressure roll against his groin.

"Do you love me, Edward?"

"Yes," he answered again, his voice and expression broken as he kept his eyes closed.

"Look at me."

"I can't."

"Please. If you love me, then look at me," she sobbed, her voice nothing but a broken shriek in the empty night.

Slowly, Edward raised his eyelids and looked at her body. She was the same as she had been before, a half decomposed body, soulless, eyeless, with her entrails spilling from her and across his lower belly. She rolled her hips against his as he gave her a defeated expression.

He shivered as he jolted awake in Roy's bed. Rain was still pattering against the roof of the apartment come morning time when at last he awoke from his wretched recurring nightmare. At some point during the night, he had managed to curl his way under the sheets and promptly fell asleep against Roy's chest, arms and legs tangled with his.

Thankful that his dream had not been as violent this time, he gently sat up and looked around for the clock. He was horribly disoriented as he tried to blink the sleep out of his eyes. He scrunched his face up in a screwed up expression as he crawled close to the edge of the bed, squinting his eyes at the old windup clock that rested on the nearby nightstand.

From beside him he could hear the gentle sounds of Roy's breath quicken as he stirred in his sleep. "Morning," Edward could hear a gruff, nasally voice sound from beside him.

Edward grabbed for the clock and brought it closer to his face so that he could read it. 6 am, good it wasn't so late into the morning that he wouldn't be able to make it to work this time around. He sighed and returned the clock back to it's resting spot near the bed and looked to Roy with a soft laugh. "You sound like your all congested," he said as he pointed to his nose.

"That's because I am," Roy said with a groggy yawn followed by an unflattering sniff. He sat up and looked around him with a dazed look on his face.

Charming.

Edward smiled at him with an endearing expression as he pulled his hair around his shoulder and began to braid it, caring not that he hadn't combed or washed it. "You'll learn when you get older. Age comes with its price," Roy said slowly while Edward continued to laugh.

"It's early enough that I can head home and get a quick shower in before I have to head off to work. I really need to stop falling asleep here," he muttered. He shivered and wrapped his arms around himself while he glanced up at the open window.

Roy cocked his head to one side and gave an expression as though he had the simplest answer to Edward's problem, and in truth he probably thought he did. "So don't live separate from me, then," he said with a shrug at first as though he were saying something so simple.

"Huh?" Edward yapped as he crawled back under the sheets and covered his naked body. It was too cold and he did not yet want to leave the warmth and sanctuary of Roy's body heat. He scooted a little closer despite having been taken aback by the older man's words. Roy moved as well to wrap his arm around Edward's body and hold him tight as he weaseled his head into the younger's lap. "You've lost your mind. I can't just move in with my superior officer," he said as he stroked Roy's black hair.

The other mused with a low rumble in his groggy voice. "I don't think anyone is going to come knocking to check my apartment for any underbelly officers to see if I'm having any unapproved sexual relations," he continued with a shrug. "And it's not frowned upon. There was a time where I roomed with Huges. He had to help me through a lot of issues after my time back from the war. We helped each other in a way. It did me a lot of good. This is my chance to pay it forward so to speak.

"Come on, Ed. I think it would do you some good if you had someone around you to help you. It seriously wouldn't be that big of an issue from the Military's point of view, provided that we don't go fucking each other in the broom closet at work," he snickered.

Edward wrinkled his small nose and shoved the man hard in the shoulder. "Don't be crude."

"Think about it please? I could help you with cooking and you wouldn't have to wake up alone from those nightmares."

"That obvious that I have them, huh?"

"You mumble in your sleep. You were tossing and turning all night. The only way I could get you to settle down was to hold you in my arms. You finally got a restful sleep at about 3 in the morning I think. No wonder you feel awful everyday. Are the nightmares a reoccurring thing, or only when you're at my house or something?" he asked gently, not wanting to overstep himself with Edward for fear of offending him.

Edward pressed his lips together as he watched Roy's facial features. "I don't know; nightly most of the times I guess," he admitted.

"I'd like to help, but you already know that. I'm not going to go forcing you into anything you don't want to do. Just think about it, okay? In the meantime you can shower here. I have some clean shirts and underclothes that will fit you." Roy went on as he groaned and sat up from his nesting spot in Edward's lap.

"Are you much of a breakfast eater?"

"Not really," Edward mused. "Are you sure it's okay I use up all of your hot water? What about you?"

"Concerned about me?"

"I'm cold so I can't make any promises that I'll be particularly speedy with my washing myself," he snorted in reply.

Roy laughed as he stood and walked over to the window so that he might shut it. "I'll join you then," he said smoothly.

Edward laughed as he too stood and wrapped his arms around himself. "Mmkay; that sounds really nice actually."

"Just think," Edward could hear Roy go on from behind him as he twisted the knobs on the faucet of the bathtub and sent a rush of warm water through the pipes and out the shower head.

Edward glanced back at him, half interested in what he had to say as he unbraided his hair. "Hmm?"

"We could enjoy this every morning if you were to live with me; save on the water bill too."

"You and I haven't even had sex yet; you could hardly call us dating and you want me to entertain living with you?" Edward said stiffly as he climbed into the shower and immediately curled his body towards the warmth of the water. He sighed as the heat soothed his sore muscles while he rubbed a kink in his neck with his fingers.

Roy submerged himself beneath the water droplets from behind and wrapped his arms around him, the heat from his body was a welcomed feeling for the blonde. "You honestly don't seem too put off by the idea. I feel like if you were truly offended and hated the idea of it that you would be more, I dunno, violently vocal about it?"

"It's still morning; give me some time and keep pushing my buttons," Edward said as he turned his head to the side and allowed the man to kiss at the nape of his neck. He combed his fingers through his hair and pulled the thick locks across his shoulder, giving Roy total access to the bare skin of his neck and back.

"What buttons should I push? These ones down here?" the older man went on as Roy's fingers slid down from his waist to his groin.

"We could be dating you know; I wouldn't mind coming home to you every day, making love to you every night."

"That wouldn't be awkward to you? Seeing me grow more and more pregnant as the next 6 months roll by? You mean to tell me you intend to have sex with me when I'm 7 months pregnant and probably big and awkwardly shaped?"

"I think you'll look cute," Roy said sweetly, tugging a small smile from Edward as he spread his legs and allowed for the older man to toy with him.

"Can you think of different words beyond cute and adorable? I'm a 20 year old man, Roy."

"I know; that's why I'm attracted to you," Roy paused for a quick moment. "The man part not the 20 year old part," he elaborated as Edward laughed.

"I'll think about it," Edward mused softly as he let the other man play with him to his personal delight. He sucked on his bottom lip and smiled. Maybe he would strongly consider the idea. Roy did make it sound all too tantalizing.


	17. Hello

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fabulous readers,
> 
> I hope you enjoy. This chapter was ever so much fun to play around with.

Lazy Sundays were not something that Edward was particularly used to. He had half of the desire to simply work through the day at the office, but thought not and opted instead to rest and try to get his ducks in a row. Shopping, maybe straighten up his flat a little bit, things of that nature. Granted there wasn't much to straighten up; he simply did not have much in his home. Maybe sweep, mop, and dust if he truly felt ambitions, which he did not.

He was laying in his bed, back flat against the mattress and feet pushed up onto the wall. He had a book held up to his nose whilst he tapped his toes against the wall and wiggled his body occasionally. As odd as the position was, it felt good on his lower back to stretch that bit of muscle out.

He hummed to himself, some song he had heard on the radio somewhere as he thumbed through his book on pregnancy, nodding occasionally to himself when he understood something. Presently he was perusing through a section on female sexual health and hormones, figuring that the information was relative to his life and current condition.

"Hysteria, a psychoneurosis, in which unconscious emotional conflicts appear as a severe mental dissociation or as physical symptoms (conversion reactions), is not dependent upon any known organic or structural pathology." Edward furrowed his brow as he read that particular sentence out loud. "What the fuck?" Quickly he closed the book and looked once more at the title and the author.

He opened the book again and read through what exactly "sensory disturbances" meant, though he had a pretty good idea. He tisked with distaste and closed it with a harsh sounding snap, opting not to set it down, but rather to carelessly toss it onto the floor. He mulled over those ideas, thinking of hysteria in correlation to his own mentality. The nightmares, the weird feeling he kept having in the middle of the night, was it all really because he now had a uterus? If so he had evermore of a growing respect for humans of the female gender. To be able to deal with this on a constant? Edward had only been living like this for about a month or so and he felt like he was about ready to jump out of his own skin.

Sexual contact did make him feel more….relieved, but sometimes it didn't help these so called "hysterical" symptoms.

A blush crossed his cheeks as he recalled a few instances where he and Roy had touched and played. They still hadn't had sex yet, but their exploration of each other seemed sufficient enough for the time being. He gave an awkward expression to the emptiness of his flat before he bleated like some fawn and rolled over onto his belly so that he could bury his face in his mattress.

Subconsciously, he allowed his hand to wander down to his belly so that he might feel the small bump. He was chewing on his lip as he turned his head and looked at his empty wall. Even after a month he still felt like he was living in a foreign body. How long would this feeling last? As much as he hated that article, it seem disturbingly relevant even if the whole notion of it was absurd. It made it sound as though women were some sort of subhuman race, products for men to use for procreation.

He jolted when the sound of his phone rang out into the hallow hall. He slid from his bed like the worm he felt like and in no type of hurry at all made his way to his phone. "Hello?"

"Hey, Brother."

Edwards frown decreased only a bit, his lips turning upwards in a half smile. "Al; it's good to hear you. Um, how have you been?" he said. It was strange hearing him over the phone. He had lived with Al by his side his whole life. He never had to worry about when he would next get to talk to him. Thinking about it only made him feel more alone.

"I've been fine. Everyone here is glad about the news."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah! They were a little disappointed, though, that you didn't come. I wanted to give you some space which is why I haven't called you up until now. I was kind of hoping that you would call home in your own time. Guess not."

Edward's half smile faded. He couldn't act like a jackass, but the urge to say something snarky was all too alluring. "Yeah, uh, I've been busy. Getting situated in my new position and all."

"Uh huh," he could hear Alphonse say on the other line. He didn't sound very convinced. "Pinako wanted me to ask you if you're making sure you're eating alright," his brother paused for a moment to give a little giggle before he continued. "She was talking last night about how bad you are at taking care of yourself."

Edward's mood only further decreased as well as the expression on his face. Soon he would surely be scowling.

"Come on, Al; don't take me for an incompetent fool." At that he glanced to his empty kitchen. His brother did have a disgustingly good point. He hated it when the other was right.

"Okay; I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. I just want to make sure you're alright. You know?"

"I know," Edward replied softly. "But I'm fine."

"That's good I guess. I still don't believe you, but you'll come around eventually."

"How's the wedding planning?" Edward said as he leaned against the wall and tapped his toes against the ground, giving himself something to do while he stood there feeling awkward.

"Oh, it's going fine I'm sure. I'm not really allowed to be a part of the planning, beyond my having to contribute money to it that is. It's supposed to be a surprise," he said as he chuckled.

"Heh, yeah? What if it ends up being a disaster?"

"Then it'll be our disaster. It's whatever May wants in the end. She's so happy planning with Winry. She talks and talks and talks at dinner about all that she has planned. The guest list is starting to get pretty big. So many people had an important role in our lives towards the end of our teenage years, you know?"

"Doesn't she have a pretty big family?"

"Yeah, even the emperor himself is invited and apparently that means that it's going to be this big thing. I'm having a hard time believing that so many people are going to cross the desert to get here."

Edward shrugged to his comment. "Can't know for sure until they send out reply letters. They'll probably say something fancy like 'his royal greatness cannot possibly bother to attend unless there is a promise of copious amounts of food to mooch on'," he said as he mimicked an authoritative, high class voice.

"Ha, is that supposed to be your impression of Lin?"

"Heh, I'm sure he would refer to himself in third person and everything."

"Probably!" Alphonse giggled while Edward himself laughed, feeling less tense now that the conversation gravitated away from his personal well being. "So we have a date set now."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yes! I mean, well," from the other side of the line Edward could hear Al clear his throat awkwardly. He didn't want to sound too excited about it. Edward laughed quietly as he rolled his eyes. "August 27. I also wanted to ask you if you would be sure to arrive early. I would like for you to be my best man. That's kind of a no brainer that I would want that, though."

Edward paused for a moment while he counted on his fingers. 6 months from now, right when he was theoretically due to give birth. He grimaced at the mere thought of showing up 9 months pregnant and about to pop. "So soon?" he opted to say nonchalantly.

"It's not too soon. That's a reasonable time frame, Ed. Why? Is that an issue?"

"Uh, no. Not at all," Edward muttered as he gritted his teeth. "When do you want me there?"

"Is it too much to ask you to come a month early?"

"Yes," came his reply flatly. He didn't know when conception began, so he had no idea when the birth would be. It could be the beginning of the month, or the end of the month for all he knew. Hell, it could go to September or October even! "I'll put in for personal time off and see what I can get, okay?"

"Promise you'll try to come early?"

"Promise."

"Besides it wouldn't be just for me. Everyone else wants to see you too. You know, I think Winry really misses you. Sometimes she looks sad, like she keeps wishing this could be her wedding. Just a thought," Al finished quickly.

"I'm not interested in Winry."

"Really? Since when?"

"I don't know. Just grew out of it I think."

"You….grew out of it? Edward, is there someone else?"

"Someone else would imply that I was dating Winry to begin with."

"Well haven't there been…" Al trailed off; obviously he was too embarrassed to talk about his brother's sex life.

"What? Moments where we've been together? Off and on...briefly, but nothing substantial."

There was a quick pause before Al spoke again. "So is there someone else?"

Edward snorted as he looked up at the ceiling and smiled. "Something like that."

"Don't be illusive! Brother, sheesh, wow; okay. So there is! Who?! Do I know her?"

For a moment, Edward entertained the idea of weaving another lie, but lying to Alphonse was something he never did like doing. The least he could do was let him in on his life even if it was just a little right?

"Yeah, you know him," he said simply.

"Him?" Al said as his voice lowered significantly lest anyone nearby him hear.. "Edward are you, you know, gay?"

Edward shrugged. "Guess so, sorry to disappoint. Probably explains why it is that I'm not interested in Winry now, yeah?"

"Yeah, geez; I guess so. I mean, it's okay Edward. If you're that way. It's not really something that a lot of people talk about. Did this just happen or are you finally coming terms with it?"

"I dunno," Edward shrugged as he shuffled his foot across the floor. "We've… kind of been dating I guess. He's been helpful and I like being with him. I guess it came as a surprise even to me? I didn't realize I swung that way either until we, ahem."

"Oh no; don't tell me stuff like that!" Al moaned. "You said I know who it is; so who is it?"

"Three guesses," Edward teased with a laugh as he slid down the wall and promptly sat on the cold floor.

"Hmmm; is it Kain? Wait, no he's not there anymore, damn."

"Nope."

"Um, Breda?"

"You're kidding, right? Not my cup of tea."

"So that means it's not Armstrong then either," Al snickered.

"Have you lost your mind? What makes you think I want a bull for a lover?" he sighed. "General Roy Mustang."

"WHAT!?"

At that Edward winced and yanked the phone away from his ear so that he could wiggle his finger in it to drone out the ringing. He brought the phone back up to his face with an exaggerated sigh. This was not something he was wanting to discuss with his baby brother. There was a small sense of satisfaction, though, that he was able to get one over Roy. An eye for an eye in the spilling of secrets. He smirked. "Yeah, so he'll be my plus one if that's okay. I'll catch the bouquet, so tell May to throw it my way," he snickered.

"Mustang? As in, tiny miniskirts Mustang? That one? The lecher?"

"Gay."

"No way!"

"Yeah, he's good at pretending. Apparently he's had a thing for me for years."

There was a gasp on the other end of the phone. "Is that why you wanted to stay there? So you could stay with Roy?"

"Sure, let's go with that," Edward said as he clucked his tongue.

"Are you living together? Wait, isn't gay sex dangerous? Are you being safe?"

"Please stop," Edward moaned. "No we aren't living together; we haven't had sex yet; and I'm being as safe as I can be. Wanna belittle me like I'm a child some more, baby brother of mine?"

"S-sorry. I'm just… there's a lot of alarms going off in my head. I'm shocked to say the least."

"It's not a big deal. Roy is nicer than I used to think he was. He did offer that we start living together," Edward continued with a small voice as he pushed his feet together and played with his automail toes. It felt good to at least let some of it off of his chest. It was nice to be able to open up to Alphonse again.

"Are you going to take him up on his offer?"

"I don't know, Al. It's hard living alone. I've always had you or someone else around me. And after the war... when I'm alone all I can hear are the sounds of bombs and gunfire."

"You should move in with him then. I mean; do you love him? Or is it too early to ask that?"

"I care for him," Edward admitted.

"Well, if you care for him," Alphonse trailed off again. "Hey," he said after a pause.

"What?"

"Thanks for telling me, Ed. I know it couldn't have been easy for you. I was worried something serious was going on with you, but it sounds like you're just busy falling in love, which is a good thing."

At that Edward looked down at his stomach; yeah, nothing seriously wrong at all. "No problem. Thanks for calling. It was really good to hear from you," he said softly as he looked at the black receiver of the phone.

"Of course, Ed. Call me if you need to talk, okay? Keep me updated; I'm curious to know how this Roy Mustang thing works out. I do wish the best for you. Oh, but hey. I should go May is calling me. Seriously, call me."

"Okay," he said with a soft sigh. "Love you."

"Love you too."


	18. Dilemma

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fabulous readers,
> 
> I really need to update my other story; so, obviously, instead of doing that I started up a new one. And by starting I mean to say that I'm finally getting around to editing it and posting it.
> 
> I'm posting another Fullmetal Alchemist slash fiction depicting Edward Elric and Alfons Heidrich in Germany during WWII. *wiggly eyebrows* Fun, right? Check it out if you feel like it. It's call In the Eyes of the Dying.

The way he saw it he had only a few options. The longer he went on not thinking about it the more of an issue he had with himself. After his phone conversation with this brother, Edward was busying himself by pacing back and forth in his flat with his thumb in his mouth so he could chew on the nail aggressively.

He had his arm wrapped around himself and his brow furrowed whilst the brooded. He needed to have a plan. His brother's wedding for saint's sake! In August! "Of. Fucking. Course," Edward said as he threw his head back and stared at the ceiling with such a defeated expression.

"I hate this," He stated blatantly. Not that his comment was going to do him any good. Equivalent exchange, right? Gain something, but receive your suffering and force yourself to enjoy its bittersweet flavor? What was that about there's no such a thing as a painless lesson?" Edward asked himself. "I wrote something stupid like that I'm sure," he said as he scuttled to his bed and crouched down so that he could dig under it angrily for his old leather suitcase.

"It's gotta be here somewhere," he said as he tore around some things. Funny he still had some things packed in it; almost like he hadn't left for the war. His old jacket, some shirts that surely wouldn't fit him anymore, a few miscellaneous items here and there. "Ah-ha! Here it is, you little bastard," he said as he tore out his jacket and snatched for the notebook he had been looking for.

After he thumbed through the pages, he nodded and stabbed the paper with a violently extended finger. "No such thing as a painless lesson, yep. You're a dumbass, Ed!" he seethed as he flopped onto his ass and crossed his legs with an angry growl.

He flipped through the small notebook some more, skimming across his chicken scratch. Some of it was diary entries, most of it was alchemic notes. A few pictures here and there that were paper clipped to the pages.

He gave a heavy sigh again as he pulled an old photo from the contents of his teenage diary. That last picture of him and his military crew. Breda, Fury, Fallman, Mustang. His eyes rolled across the photo until they rested on Riza who stood in the back, tucked right next to the man of her dreams.

Edward sniffed. Things weren't better back then, so he shouldn't go missing the past, but he couldn't help but think that he would at least like to entertain the idea of exchanging a few things if only just to rewind his life a little. She could have her baby, but would she really be any happier? If it wasn't Roy's. Would she be alone? What would she do?

Edward returned the photo to his book and snapped the book shut and set it aside. He sniffed as he scratched the side of his face and looked over the things he had scattered across the floor, thumbing at the familiar red jacket with his fingertips. It was like his calling card, like he was so unique and cool. It really was flamboyantly tacky.

"Ugh," he said as he picked it up and looked at it. "So small." He sniffed again, scrunching up his face in the process as tears welled in his eyes. That's all he was good for it seemed, sniffing and tearing up.

Edward tossed his head back, bringing the jacket up to his face and using it to wipe away his tears. Time was ever moving forward, leaving him behind, often times confused and hurting. His jacket was the literal symbol of his wasted teenage years, spent traveling up and down the countryside. For a good purpose ultimately, nobel even, because he deserved it and no better. It was a lot; he grew up and now he was, still in the military, still a dog, pregnant, mutilated.

He sobbed, unable to stop himself from doing that as he flopped backwards. He didn't know why it was so sad in that moment. He had come to accept those parts in his past, but in that moment seeing his jacket just made him so sad.

He rolled over onto his side and hung his mouth open, giving low groaning sounds that were half between sobs and moans. He sputtered every once and awhile and blew strands of hair out of his mouth before he scraped his bangs away with frustration. Eventually he managed to roll upwards and stop himself or at least calm himself.

What was he doing? With a dumb look on his face he looked about him. He was sitting on the floor crying to himself. It wasn't even that sad, right? Since when did he of all people cry over spilt milk? He was utterly grateful that at least he was alone during that scene of weakness.

Hysteria. Great; that's what it was, right? He blinked like some newborn calf. He looked like a child sitting on the floor like that with his limbs sprawled out across the floor. When was the last time he threw a tantrum? Probably sooner than he was recollecting, but he felt like he hadn't thrown a tantrum since he was a toddler.

"Ugh," he grunted to himself as he straightened his bangs. He could investigate local adoption agencies. Or, ever the harder option, he could try and seek out the biological father. And what? Make him take moral and physical responsibility of a child he didn't know he was having? He would be delivering a burden to someone unaware and ill prepared.

Well that made it sound like if it was a burden then he himself should take on the responsibility. Keep the baby? He shook his head vigorously. That was a terrifying otpoin; the last resort. No, he could in the very least investigate whether adoption was the best course of action while he could use his military resources to potentially find the father.

Edward craned his neck to one side. He scrunched his body into a ball and held onto his slim knees, laying the side of his face down on them while he took a moment to ponder. It would be really weird to just show up to an adoption agency by himself. Should he get someone to pretend to be his wife? Or get someone to go in his stead; no, that would make her look like a floozy.

He could always use Lilly; lately it seemed like she was becoming a reliable friend when he needed her. But then he would have to let her in on his life. That would be really weird to just go up to someone and ask that of them without sufficient context.

He tapped his feet against the floor a few times, taking a moment to chew on his cheek and wiggle his jaw back and forth.

With a heave, he let loose a giant sigh. He was going to have to figure something out. Telling Lilly might be his best option, but if he went around telling a great deal of people then he'd have to let loose about it to his brother. If he told Lilly, then he would feel guilty enough to have to explain himself to Al. He didn't even want to imagine that conversation. Though Alphonse did take the news about Roy Mustang well.

In his quiet apartment, there came a knocking. Despite it being such a soft and light sound it still startled Edward. He scrambled upwards and trotted to the door, slamming against the wall momentarily before he opened up just a crack. "Uh?"

From the crack in the door Roy's coal grey eyes peered in. There was a stupid, smug expression on his face. That face that Edward was secretly starting to like. "Hey."

"Hi?"

"So, it's a day off tomorrow and I thought that we could," Roy paused for a moment as he nodded his head back and forth quickly, "go out."

Edward raised an eyebrow. "Go out?"

"Yes; I know a nice place. I'm sorry-did you-were you busy?" Roy asked though the answer was fairly obvious by sleep clothes that Edward was still sporting.

"I, uh, no. No, I'm not busy," he said as he rubbed his nose with his finger, hoping to wipe away the evidence of having been bawling not but a few minutes ago.

"Ed, were you crying?"

"No!" he snapped as his face turned a deep shade of red. He felt hot in his ears as he tugged on his messy ponytail and used the hair to cover his expression. "I have emotions that are hard to control," he admitted with such shame. "If I was crying it was only because I couldn't help it."

Thankfully the older did not smirk or snicker, much to Edward's relief. "Oh, Ed, you don't have to be ashamed. Women are naturally crazy," he comforted as he grabbed onto the younger's shoulder and gave him a reassuring squeeze.

Edward smacked his hand away. "Bastard."

"Okay, jokes aside. Maybe you just need to get out for a little while. I really would like to take you out. There's a club that I sometimes go to. That would imply that you would have to get dressed, though," he said as he pointed at Edward's outfit.

"Uh, right," Edward said as he leaned back a little and looked down at himself. He wasn't obscenely disheveled, but he probably should have made more of an effort to get dressed for the day. It was dwindling well into the evening by that time surly. "Yeah, okay," he said stiffly. He surely be fine with a distraction. It wouldn't hurt him to go out with Roy.

He more or less had an idea of what actions he could take; he just…..needed…. To find Lilly first.


	19. Dance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fabulous readers,
> 
> Okay, this story is, while in a alternative universe, is still in the dawn of the 20's. It so easy to forget that it's essentially a period piece because in the show everyone speaks relatively modernly. So it was easy for me to forget that they were farting around in the early 20th century.
> 
> I oh so wanted to tease out the fun and cool aspects of history in this and I've been patiently waiting to build enough background to do so. I have a hybrid mix of modern language with 1920's style slang in here that's part made up part historical. Im chalking it up to being a matter of accent differences to explain why it is that nobody talks with that midwestern slang.

It was a roaring club alright. The place was hopping with all sorts of men dressed to the tip in their finest. This type of place wasn't the kind of place where some nobody would hang out, that was for sure. It was a whole secret world all underground, kind of exclusive and Edward was a bit impressed to be let in on the secret, fashionable society beneath Amestris.

He clung tight to Roy's arm as he was sure to walk close to him, looking down at where he was going. He was so afraid of looking stupid or something. He was simply out of his element which made him incredibly uncomfortable.

"Why, Edward are you nervous?" Roy chimed from beside him.

"I don't go out and party around often," Edward replied flatly as he narrowed his eyes, offended by the comment. He wasn't nervous, just apprehensive. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to do.

"No? Not even a little after you succeeded with the coup Central Command? I could have sworn you were out partying with us one of those nights."

"That was different; that was just getting drunk because we didn't die sort of situation. This is, I dunno, isn't this the kind of place where you're supposed to be sophisticated and culturally enlightened?"

There came a cackle from beside him. "Ed, this is just a dance club, and a very underground one at that. It's just a club for gay men. You know, a place where we all can go and be ourselves without having to worry."

"Okay, yeah, but I'm new to this, uh, lifestyle," he said as he gestured to the room. "I don't drink often, and I definitely don't dance."

"You're 20 years old, try to live a little and not act like such an old man," Roy said as he sat Edward down at a nearby table. "For me, some gin on the rocks and for you? Some seltzer water," he said as he pointed his fingers at Edward like he was doing some showy gesture on stage. "That kids soda that I promised from before right, Ed?"

Edward nodded his head to the other. "Fuck off, Roy," he hissed without missing a beat.

Roy puckered his lips like had just eaten something sour and squinted his eyes. "Oh, saucy," he said before he spun on his heels and walked away.

Well someone was in a good mood at least. Edward looked up and around the gentleman's club, nodding his head a bit to the jazzy beat of the brass band that stood on stage at the front of the club.

"Saucy is right! Saucy little minx that is," came a voice from behind him. He hadn't even realized that someone had snuck up on him. There was what looked like an air force veteran sitting next to him, sporting his military formal attire and everything. He pulled up a chair and made himself quite at home next to Edward.

Edward glanced from side to side. Did he just call him a minx? "Isn't that a come on for women?" he asked with a wrinkle of his nose.

"Sure it is baby doll, but it can be flattering for men too especially for a fine gonsil such as yourself. Well I mean just look at you; I gotta assume," the man said as he removed his hat and held it against his heart.

"Geeze, you westerners sure do have such a brash way of talking. You sound like you're in a gang or something," Edward said as he rolled his eyes and leaned forward against the table to that he could drop his chin into his hand. He crossed his legs and kicked the other rudely in the process, being sure to hit him with his metal leg. "Woops," he said with a shrug as the other man flinched and gave a yelp.

"Accent that obvious?" he said with a hiss. He didn't want to let up.

"Sure is," Edward said with a single raised eyebrow.

"A fella like you couldn't be interested in someone like me? I promise I can be charming even if you don't like my accent."

Edward gave a laugh. "Wouldn't it be kind of hard to talk to you if I don't like the sound of your voice?"

"Nah, you could get used to it."

"Sorry, fella, but I'm taken," Edward finally resorted to saying as he waved his hand and turned his face away.

"Makes me kind of just want you a little bit more," the man prowled ever closer.

"Well Joseph Mikain, as I live and breath. Finally back? Last I saw you you were getting thrown out of Black's after you drank too much and pissed yourself. right before you shipped out for the war, right?" Roy said.

He had returned just in time to save poor Edward who was sitting looking ever the more unimpressed. He sniffed stiffly as he glanced back to the man named Joseph.

"Eh-heh, you mean to tell me you're sweet on this man right here? This General Roy Mustang?" Joseph said as he pointed to Edward's suitor.

"Ed, this is Joseph."

"Joey, please," came the others request.

"Joseph, this is Colonel Edward Elric; say hello," Roy said as he handed Edward his soda water.

Edward smirked a little while Roy gave him a sly wink.

Joey made a loud whistling sound as he put his hat back on his head and leaned back in his chair. "Wowie, the Fullmetal Alchemist, huh? That's pretty dandy, yes sir. Military men gotta stick together, eh? I don't want to get my ass burnt so I'll just skedaddle on out and find me another saucy young man to warm my bed tonight. Sorry, fella," Joey said. He tipped his hat and excused himself pretty quickly.

"I don't think I've ever heard someone talk with such thick slang before!" Edward said with a laugh. He leaned forward, tears clinging to his eyes as he patted the table with sheer amusement and shook his head a few time. "Who was he trying to impress?"

"Obviously he thought you were just some showbird," Roy said after a sip from his drink.

"Okay, what's with the nicknames? First gonsil and now showbird? Please elaborate because clearly I need to be educated on how to be gay."

To that Roy nearly snorted his drink. He made a sputtering noise and almost choked on his sip. Quickly, he leaned forward and backwards again after he wiped his mouth. "He called you a gonsil?"

"Yeah; what does that mean?"

Roy gave an uneasy laugh. "It means that you're, um, the receptive partner in sex. Just him saying it to your face was a heavy come on. He must be antsy for someone to go home with him."

"You mean he thought I was loose?" Edward said to clarify with an unimpressed tone in his voice. "And showbird?"

"Think fairy, frilly, lacy panties, queen, that sort of person, man or woman. You know, flamboyant," Roy elaborated from across the table.

Edward emitted a groan and covered his forehead with his hands, sinking low in his chair to take a quick moment to stare at the table. "I don't need people to be thinking of me like I'm sort of walking fetish."

"Forget him. He's just a lecher. Does it matter what anyone else thinks?"

"I suppose not, but it matters to me what you think of me. Are you only attracted to me because of things like that?"

"Of course not, Ed. I'm attracted to you for a great deal of things besides just your looks. Your looks are just an added bonus. The more I get to spend time like this with you the more I like you as well. If it makes you feel better think of it like this; I've known you since before you were sexually attractive. I got to know you to your core before I got to know more fleeting things like appearance. That only goes so far, right?"

Gently, Edward uncovered his face so that he might peek at the man quickly. "You're actually pretty smart about this kind of stuff. Suave even."

"I should hope so. I'm 35. Really I'm prime real estate to be getting married right about now. Like a fine aged whisky."

Edward gave and unflattering snort. He scooted his chair a little closer to the table and gave the other a quick doey eyed look with a small smile. Roy really was awfully charming. Oh how Edward hated himself for a moment. He looked around the club again as he nodded his head to the music, tapping his foot along once more as he sipped on his soda.

"Know this song?"

"I know I said that I wasn't good on cultural up and ups, but come on. Who hasn't heard this song? It's, what did that guy say, pretty dandy," he said with a snicker.

"You know most men your age would be talking with the modern slang. I'd like to hear it more come from you. With the accent and all."

"You mean with that nasally western accent?" Edward said as he scrunched up his nose with distaste. He leaned back for a moment while he thought of something to say, tapping a single finger on the table as he did so.

Once he thought of it he leaned forward and looked at Roy. "Gash, what ah fine man you are ta look at, sweet cat's meow right. Got mah jaw on tha floor," he said as he licked his lips and whistled. "Enjoying your," he paused as he thought of the stupid term, "giggle water? What do ya say we blow this joint and have some real fun all to ourselves?"

Edward promptly shut his mouth upon seeing the older man's expression grow more and more shocked. "What?" he said, quickly growing self conscious.

"I don't want to admit this, but what you just did there was a bit of a turn on for me. You…. have a really smooth voice when you talk like that. I kind of want you to talk more like that later on when we're alone," he requested as he leaned forward and reached for Edward's hand. "So ya got the talk; do ya want to know how ta walk the walk? Or in this case dance?" He he said with his own accent.

Edward then understood what the alluring aspects of it could be when it was done right. He fluttered his eyes a few seconds while he stuttered. "I don't dance."

"Sure you do; you just don't know how ta yet. I wanna show ya." After that he polished off his drink and set the glass down with a crash against the table. He stood and tugged on Edward with such a charming smile. Oh geeze how could he say no?

Reluctantly, Edward stood and shuffled forward as the band began to change it's tune to a more upbeat song. Again another song that Edward recognized except this one was far too fast for him to learn to dance to.

Who would have thought that Roy Mustang was such a smooth talker as well as a smooth dancer? His swing was pretty impressive. He trotted to the dance floor seamlessly with Edward in tow and whipped him around, grabbing his hand and allowing for Edward's own to come up to his shoulder. "Don't you feel a bit embarrassed that someone older than you knows how to swing while you don't?"

"Not at all. Just shut up and teach me," Edward said; he was too busy looking down at their feet to give the older individual a glare. Honestly, when did Edward ever have the time to act his age? The answer was never. At least Roy got to enjoy his youth once, or so Edward assumed.

Roy laughed as he tutted the other. "Light on your feet; tip toes," he encouraged as he began to step lightly himself and led Edward around.

"Light on my feet, okay, I do have a metal leg in case you forgot," Edward said whilst he continued to stare downwards, popping up on the balls of his feet so that he could move faster along with Roy.

"Does it really make that much of a difference?"

"Only when I'm learning something new then it can be challenging."

"Count with me, then: one, two, three..." Roy instructed as he danced as though they were spinning around in three neat little circles on the dance floor.

"One, two…. Three," Edward was replied clumsily as he nodded his head to the tempo, trying his hardest to match his partner's steps, but horrendously falling short instead.

"I'm the lead so all you have to do is memorize these steps and let me lead you. So if I push you away," he spun Edward away from him, being sure to hold tight onto his hand, "then you keep doing those steps until I," he pulled him back into his arms again, "pull you back. And if I turn you around," Roy continued as he did so, much to poor Edward's confusion. "Kick your left foot back, then forward now hop to my side and-"

"This is just a bunch of hopping and kicking," Edward complained. "Maybe I shouldn't be doing this because of the baby, you know?" he made an excuse for himself.

"Nonsense. This should make you feel more relieved to stretch out your hips like this."

"It doesn't."

"Feet together, step back, feet together, kick forward," Roy continued, still ignoring Edward's whining. He spun him around again and grabbed for his hand. "Just mirror me now, keep up and stay light on your toes," Roy laughed just as Edward began to laugh after he stumbled and nearly fell onto him.

It felt good; Roy was right. Not just because it stretched body out, but because he was laughing and sharing fun with someone for the sake of sharing fun. He grinned as he began to add a bit of his own flare to his movements, making cheeky faces at Roy when the other looked at him with an impressed expression.

"Now you're getting it."

Edward wiggled his eyebrows slyly as he at last matched the tempo of the music. He was looking around him at the other gay couples and was trying mimic their movements with cocky ambition. He threw his head back and laughed as loud as he could as he let Roy get a little more complex with their footwork.

"You're one of those people who are naturally good at things aren't you?" Roy laughed later as he walked out of the club with his arm slung around Edward protectively. Edward had done a fine job that evening on attracting attention to himself once he finally got the hang of how to swing. And because he got the hang of it he couldn't help but get a little flashy about it. He didn't like that other men were looking at him like a fine piece of meat, but he did like impressing Roy.

"I practiced martial arts, which in its own respect is kind of like dancing I guess. But yeah, I'm pretty good at a lot of things that I try. Except for cooking; you were right. I can't cook to save my life."

"Thought so. If you don't' want to live with me then you could at least come over more often for some food. I'd be happy to cook for the both of us."

"Ever the charming partner," Edward noted as he leaned a little further under Roy's arm, his own coming to wrap around the man's narrow waist.

"You've got me falling for you," Roy said simply with a shrug. "I want to be as charming as I can in order to make you mine."

Edward blinked a few times, shocked by the comment. Truly? A hot blush spread across his cheeks. He had been in romantic positions before; hell, he had flirted himself once or twice as he seemed to recall, but he never did feel the sweet sensation having a flutter in his heart. Perhaps when he had lost his virginity, but that was due in part of physical contact with another human being for the first time in an intimate way. Roy was just talking and it was making Edward's heart beat hard against his chest.

He cleared his throat awkwardly as he looked up at his apartment complex. "I should get going," he said dully as he rolled out from under Roy's arm.

"So soon?"

"You made me tired. I need to go take a hot shower and lay down. My ass is killing me."

The General leaned a little closer, his hand still holding onto Edward so he might tug on him, like a child begging for a snack. "Invite me up?" he asked sweetly.

Such a sinister smile spread across Edward's thin lips and he glared at Mustang. "I'm sorry, but I'm not just a one night kinda showgal," he said, thinking himself so smooth all for a second before he screwed up his expression in realization to what he had accidentally just called himself. "Uh, I mean a showman, but that doesn't sound as good I guess. I was just trying to fit the slang," he rattled off before he smacked his palm against his forehead.

From ahead of him Roy gave a laugh. "Not just a showbird gnosil?" he offered helpfully.

"Not a showbird," Edward mumbled as he moved closer to Roy and rolled up words onto his tiptoes so he could kiss the older man against the lips. "But I wouldn't mind being your gnosil some other night," he said before he quickly stepped backwards.

"Goodnight, General Roy Mustang."


	20. God

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fabulous readers,
> 
> It feels like forever, but it’s only been about a month since my last update. I bounce back and forth from stories to make sure that I’m not exhausting myself too much on one singular plot line. I was working on some Yuri on Ice stuff for August which was fun! What else is fun is that every story that I have been working on has been a pregnancy story in some way shape or form. And all of these pregnancy stories must have been giving me good luck or something because now I’m pregnant too! I’m still laughing about it.
> 
> ANYWAY, being an author while pregnant is….difficult. Pregnancy brain hits me pretty hard. I will try and wrap up all of my stories before I hit that useless pregnant potato stage.

 

Edward had half the mind to give up before he even began with Lilly when he saw her come into the office Tuesday morning. After coming to the absolution that he would somehow ask her for her help, he had reduced himself to nothing but a mixture of nerves and apprehensive. He just wanted to get the exchange over with lest he cause himself anymore personally inflicted turmoil. All of the what-ifs in his mind were starting to get obnoxious.

He knew that she often came to work early, so he was hoping to catch her before the rest of his team began to file in. He was already sitting at his desk with his hands folded like he was some masterminded villain. Unknowingly he was glaring at her when she walked through the door which instantly (and understandably) set her on edge. 

Lilly stopped just short of her desk and looked around herself as though she were expecting something horrible to be standing behind her. She looked back at him with such a confused face, somewhere crossed between terror and frustration for not being able to pick up on his mental signals. He was sitting there with what must have looked like a constipated expression, stone faced and clearly uncomfortable. 

“Uh, sir-

“I NEED YOUR HELP!” Edward yelped as he slapped his hands onto the desk, startling not only Lilly, but himself in the process with his outburst. He gritted his teeth; he didn't meant to yell it at her, but it had just been hanging out in the back of his mind, looming over him with nervous urgency. In response she jumped a little and hoisted her messenger bag up so that she could hold it in front of her body as a shield. 

Edward was still sitting there with his hands still flat on his desk, face turned downwards, and eyes vacant and devoid of all emotion while his ears grew hot with embarrassment. He just sat there slack jawed as Lilly approached his desk cautiously. He snapped his face upwards and looked at her; again she jumped a little. 

“Sir, what’s the matter?” 

“Um; I have a dilemma,” he proclaimed, trying not to be ashamed of the fact that he had a problem that he needed help with. 

She lowered her voice and leaned a little closer to him. “Is this about that top secret mission you sent me on a month ago?” 

“Yes, that, sort of,” Edward said as he cocked his head and tried to remember at first what she meant. “Not really, but kind of?”

She blinked a little as she pushed her black bangs out of her eyes so she could see him a little more clearly, like she was missing out on some sort of important facial que that Edward was giving her. “Sir?” 

“I, um,” he twitched. He still didn’t know whether or not he should tell her. “Want a baby,” he said slowly as he screwed up his face, confusing her as well as himself in the process.

She blushed a deep shade of rose red as she straightened. “Well, I’m flattered, Sir, but-” 

“Wait, no! Nononononon, that’s not what I meant. Not with you. I mean, don’t get me wrong you’re very pretty, maybe in another life, another time, but I mean I just want to adopt one.” 

She seemed to relax a little and again leaned forward to hear him out further. “Oh, is that all?” She chuckled. “Well that’s awfully noble of you, Sir. I’m sure there are a lot of orphaned children out there that need good homes after these hard times. But you’re so young,” she mused. “And what all does this have to do with me?” 

“Won’t it look weird if I go to an adoption agency all by myself?” Edward said as he gave her a pathetic look. 

She thought for a moment before answering. “I don’t think so? You could be looking for a protege or something. I’m sure batchelor men are still allowed to desire children. It doesn’t have to just be a married couple thing, does it?”

“That’s what I don’t know,” Edward said with frustration. “I thought about doing it myself, but I don’t want to be creepy. What do I know, right? At first glance who would want to adopt to me: a young bachelor, out of the war, in the military?”

“This is all very true. I feel like you’re answering your own question, Colonel Elric. I’m sure the right woman will come alone in your life soon enough; if you wanted to wait,” she mused while the feeling in Edward’s gut continued to worsen his fevered embarrassment. She was right, but he couldn’t back out of this plan. She paused for a moment and looked down on him, pity in her eyes. 

Just as he thought that perhaps his answer would be a sure no, he heard a crack in her voice. “You don’t need to look so sad like that. I suppose it couldn’t hurt. If you have questions we can at least get answers for you,” she said as she scratched at the side of her cheek. 

At first Edward did not know what to say; he hadn’t expected her to just agree without further needing to be persuaded. He hung his head facing downwards for a moment before he peeked at up at her when she continued to talk. “I’ll go with you, but that’ll be the extent of my help, okay?” she said sternly. 

Edward smiled, finding how motherly she was acting with him to be incredibly endearing. He held out his hands and gestured that he wanted her to hold onto them. When she hesitantly placed her smaller hands into his he gave them a gentle shake. “Will you be my pretend wife for a little while? Just until I can see the inner workings of how adoption works.” 

“What an odd request!” Lilly half choked half laughed; nevertheless, she squeezed his hands gently in return. 

Edward quickly looked around his desk, patting his jacket’s pockets for something to use to show his gratitude. He stood and retrieved his pocket watch, sniping from it a few of the chains that usually fastened it to his belt. He never did care much for the stupid thing. He clapped his hands and with a flash of blue he materialized a modest, but still beautiful, silver ring. It was nothing lavish, just a weave a metal in a knotted design. “Okay, Miss Lilly Hall,” he said as she held her hand out for him to take. “You can just take this as a token of my appreciation, but for the moment won’t you pretend to be my wife?” he said as he flashed her a stupid grin. 

She rolled her eyes, a deep blush still on her cheeks. Quickly she put her hand up to her face to cover her expression before she gave a subtle nod of her head. “You pull out all of the stops usually, don’t you? So you don’t really have a girlfriend of your own to do this with or anything?” she asked as he put the ring on her finger. 

“Nope,” he murmured, not wanting to disclose too much information to her. To his knowledge being gay and being in the military was not permitted. While he didn’t necessarily like his job, he had no intention of being let go right at the very moment, nor did he want to point any fingers towards Mustang. 

“Okay. I’ll accept your token of thanks, but you should probably at least take me out on one date or something otherwise this is really weird.” 

“What? Two friends can’t have a pretend marriage?” he laughed as he leaned back onto the desk. 

 

Edward was busy fussing with his shirt. He wrung his finger between his neck and its collar and tugged on the tight cotton. A few days after Edward’s sudden and terrifying proposal, Lilly had arranged that they meet outside of work and go to investigate the adoption agencies. She insisted that he leave it to her which he had no problem doing as he was unfortunately and pathetically clueless with many things concerning the different intricacies of the working world in the city. 

He was waiting in Lilly’s boarding house lobby, a girls dormitory where he was not allowed clearance anywhere except on a small couch in the entrance hall across from the Head Mistress's office where such a woman could sit and glare at him.

Edward cleared his throat as he looked down at his knees and tapped his feet against the tiled floor. Mis. Wiggen was the old woman’s name who owned the building. She had a shiny gold plaque posted outside of her door with the illusive and oddly daunting sounding  “Mis” in front of her name to broadcast her status as a single woman.

Edward had to wonder whether or not she held the title because she was a widow or an old maid. He didn’t want to be caught staring at the plaque for too long, though, so he made due and wondered to himself quietly.

“Sorry to make you wait,” Lilly said as she came skipping down the stairs in her fresh change of clothes. “You look nice,” she said as he stood and adjusted his shirt again. She looked him up and down as she came to his side with a smile. 

“So do you,” he noted as he returned her look of endearment. She had on a very fitting spring dress, complemented with a few choice pieces of jewelry all that seemed to match the silver ringer he had made for her. For a second he could almost trick himself into thinking that this really was something serious between them. “But remind me why we look like we’re about to go to church service?” he asked as they began to walk. 

“Because we are going to church. Churches often take care of adoption. I have the address of one that’s not too far,” she said as she pulled a slip of paper out of her hand bag. 

Edward froze for a moment while he glanced at her with a glimmer of fear in his golden eyes. She laughed casually in exchange and waited for him to explain himself. “Every time I go to a church something awful happens,” he said with a legitimate shiver of concern. “I seem to recall getting shot at a few times.” Exaggerations; that had been quite a many years ago, but still. He and God did not see eye to eye. Believing in his existence aside, Edward, from a churchly person’s perspective, was a heretic and a blasphemer. He didn’t like calling attention to that.

“Oh; I forgot that alchemists don’t often have a religion,” Lilly mused as they walked together, arms intertwined casually. “I don’t think anything so serious as someone shooting at you is going to happen this time around, Sir.” 

In reply Edward made a low grumbling sort of sound. He remained silent at her side for the majority of their travel and instead chose to watch her mannerisms and listen to her talk. He noticed that she liked to play with her ring or her necklace while she spoke absentmindedly. And when she was shy she would cover her face with her black hair. 

Thankfully the endearing Lilly Hall had many things to talk to him about to fill Edward’s self inflicted awkward silence. She talked about growing up with Kain and where she had come from. “Do you really suppose that you don’t believe in God?” Lilly asked. “I didn’t know churches were a big sore spot for you. Is this going to be okay?” she asked as she halted him in front of a long stairway leading up into an old stone church. 

“This is a can I’m sure you don’t want to open with me,” Edward muttered as he glanced up at the steps. “I respect the Truth, but he and I don’t see eye to eye.”

“You talk about it so casually,” Lilly laughed nervously. 

“I’ve seen God and I’m not impressed,” Edward stated flatly much to her surprise. “So I do believe in him. He doesn’t care much for alchemists nor we him. I’ve made my deals and my peace with him. Religion has it wrong,” he said stiffly. “But I’m not about to go taking that away from someone who wants to believe.” 

“That’s very mature of you,” she offered as she began to walk up into the building, leaving him behind her. He couldn’t tell if she was indifferent or frustrated statement.

“I had to swallow a bitter pill when I was 15 or so,” he continued as he followed her. “I’ve learned some lessons about how to treat others. What others want to hear and don’t want to hear. The truth is that no one wants to believe what a hubristic scientist has to say about the world. Science does a lot, but it doesn’t do everything; and no matter how much I defend myself everyone will always zero in on the things science can’t explain.” 

Lilly mused; she paused mid step and twisted to him. “I find you endlessly fascinating,” she said so suddenly, rending Edward stunned as he evaluated the expression on her face. “I can’t help but wonder what has happened to you in your short life to make you like this, but I’m not so sure that I want to know,” she ended.

Edward snickered after the initial shock of her words wore off. “It’s probably best that you don’t ask. You don’t want to know what I’ve done and what I know. Bit of a curse, really,” he said with a shrug as he opened the door for her and allowed for her to lead the way. Now he was ever the more glad that he had asked for her to help him. 

“Mother Gabrielle,” Lilly said as a old nun came walking towards them from out of the gloomy shadows of the building. Edward straightened a little and looked up and around at the high vaulted ceilings and stained glass windows. Beautiful… How unfitting for the cold reality of the Truth. “We spoke on the phone. I’m Lilly and this is my husband, Edward,” she said as she gestured behind to her to where Edward was standing awkwardly. 

“I was delighted to have spoken with you,” the old mother greeted as she hugged Lilly. “Our house of God is glad to have you here. Interested in adoption, yes?” 

“Yes,” Edward found himself shakily replying as he looked at the nun and extended his hand for her to shake. “I had some questions about the process. How the children live, where they came from, how the adoption process works. We were hoping if you might educate us a little this afternoon.”

“I’d be glad to, but I dare say that the stories of the children who come to our doorsteps are often not stories that we like to tell. This way, then,” she said as she tucked her hands into her black robes and swiveled on her feet. She began marching down one of the hallways, her gate wide and swift as one would expect from a nun. She was probably strict and impatient too. Edward was immediately uncomfortable after having met her, like she would turn and began to scold him any moment for his wrong doings. Unmarried, male, pregnant. He felt the hot sting of truth burn his neck as he followed her. He felt as though even the building itself knew his secret.

“Before the war, orphan rates were lower. We only had a few children whose parents either were accidently killed or a few drop offs at our doorstep, young mothers who were scared you see. The poor would bring their children, not wanting to see their babe suffer, or a woman who was pregnant wrongfully would shamefully leave her baby in the middle of the night.”

“That’s awful,” Lilly whispered. 

“Indeed; since the war, children have been sent in from around the area. Most were brought in by their extended families after hearing the news. We have reached over capacity and have had to turn a few poor souls away. So you’ll imagine my delight when a few fine young couples come to visit,” Mother Gabrielle continued. 

Edward felt a surge of guilt course through him, but he remained straight and expressionless while he listened and collected his questions. “What are the ages of the children you house here?” 

“We have children anywhere from infancy to 11 years old. At that rate the grow up into adult; most leave to live lives of their own the older they get than that. Of course we provide schooling for as long as they chose to stay here in their adolescence.”

“Do you often take care of many infants? Or get newborns?” Edward asked, trying to retain the sound of eagerness from his voice when it came to talk of infants.

“More often than I would have ever liked to see in my lifetime,” Mother Gabrielle said slowly as she opened a door nearest to her, showing the two into an empty room with beds lining along the walls. “These are the dorms; this is the boys room ages 3-9, they wake up with each other, help each other, love each other. All here are raised with God’s morals. They rarely misbehave. Girls through this other door. We have 31 children presently, all of whom are well behaved. We are lucky. Orphans can sometimes be troubled especially those who have come to use at a later age.” 

“That’s good,” Lilly said as the nun closed the door with a sharp click.

“It looks like you guys are pretty spread thin, though. Are all adoption agencies this pushed right now? You know, at their limits and such?” Edward asked as he peaekd into another nearby door, spying in on what looked like a small classroom. 

“Unfortunately yes; these have been troubled times.”

“With times so hard, how do you take care of infants? I can only wonder,” Edward added. He pushed his hand to his check and made a somber face. “I mean; it must be ever so draining,” he tried to sympathize. 

“It’s not ideal, but the older children help tend to the infants. Presently we have 7 little ones with the oldest being 14 months.”

“They grow up learning responsibility, then. No time to be children?” Lilly gassped. 

The nun bowed her head, knowing it to be unfair, but unable to change the fact of her reality. “Their lives are not easy, but we make due with the best we can,  together as God’s family. I like to hope that for our young girls to tend to the little ones helps to give them a sense of purpose. Something to distract them from their sorrows.”

“Just work and no play,” Edward added to her comment if only to provide more of an answer to Lilly’s question.

“We make fun where we can, Mr. Elric. So you see now why it is important that we get good Amestrian families such as you two to come in and question about adoption.”

It was a surreal feeling standing there questioning Mother Gabrielle like that before she led them to the courtyard where a few of the older orphans were tending to laundry, around them a few toddlers played while still a few more babies slept in old, donated bassinets. Edward hadn’t been prepared for the initial shock. It was as though those that tended to the chores were not children at all. They had been robbed. Edward could feel his heart stop as he walked into the courtyard with Lilly. 

He didn’t want to be nosy, but he couldn’t help but inch a little closer to peak into one of the bassinets that was rocking out in the sunlight. 

“Careful; I just got her to settle down. She’s teething so she’s in a pretty terrible mood near constantly. I don’t expect she’ll be quiet for long,” a young blond girl was saying to him as she pushed a folded sheet into her laundry basket. She smiled.

“Do you take care of her?” Edward asked as he knelt down so that he was at eye level with the young one. 

The girl shrugged. “It’s not just me; I help like everybody else,” she said as she patted her hands on her apron. “I’m Gilly,” she said quickly before she extended her hand to Edward. “This baby’s name is Mavus. She’s 5 months old.” 

“I’m Edward,” he replied with a nod as he shook her hand gladly. He had a newfound respect for the children there for all they had to endure--for all that they already  _ had  _ endured. Mostly at that moment he was feeling foolish for thinking that adoption was right. He should be helping; not adding to the issue further. Sheepishly he looked from Gilly to the baby. “Can you show me how to hold her?” he asked gently. 


	21. Father

“That was a little fun wasn’t it?” Lilly was asking Edward as the two left through the front doors of the church after having chatted with the mother and the children for some time into the late afternoon. She had her arms intertwined with his again and teetered close to his body while he in turn enjoyed the feel of her warmth.

“If by fun you mean it was sad to see the lives that they live then yeah,” Edward replied somberly, mulling over the bittersweet taste of having gotten his answers for the day. 

“But it was insightful. And there was something so amazing seeing you hold that baby. Do you feel like you really might adopt?” 

“I dunno,” Edward shrugged as they began to walk down the steps. He wanted to leave it at that and so he hoped that she wouldn’t press him any further. Instead, he opted to change the subject to a lighter topic. “You know, for once I’m actually feeling hungry. Let’s go out to eat?” 

“That sounds good to me,” Lilly sighed. “I haven’t eaten anything today.” 

Edward was about to laugh and toss a light hearted comment back at her, but upon raising his eyes he glanced on ahead, down at the side walk and caught the stare of General Mustang who was standing at the base of the stairs, carrying what looked to be a bag of freshly purchased groceries. He was dressed in casual clothes, indicating that he too had the day off. So it was purely just by chance that he had been passing by the church as Edward and Lilly came out. Rotten, unforgiving chance.

Roy’s body was turned towards them, staring up at Edward with a confused and what seemed to be a pained expression on his features. As their eyes met, Roy raised his eyebrow and looked to Lilly, then back to Edward before he spoke. “Fancy meeting you two out and about in this part of town. What has you all dressed so nice and going to church together? Planning a wedding or something?” he said lightly, though Edward knew far better than to trust his casual attitude. “I highly doubt that Edward would go into a church for any less of a reason.” 

It took a great deal of willpower for Edward to not lose his cool. He didn’t know how best to react short of shouting, ‘I can explain!’ He gulped as his stomach lurched. 

Lilly broke off of Edward and stepped to a more casual stance at his side. “No, nothing of that sort, General, Sir,” she said as she gave a salute. 

“At ease. Please, it’s your day off it looks like,” Roy laughed as he waved her off formal gesture. “So I can’t expect to hear wedding bells in the future?” 

“No! Nothing like that. Edward just asked me for some help,” Lilly stated vaguely to Edward’s momentary relief. 

Instead of saying something on his own, he chose to remain silent lest he call too much attention to just how serious this was for Roy to see them like this. He looked down, not wanting to show an expression of shame and avoided Roy’s eyes. 

“Well Edward is lucky to have a friend like you that he can ask these sorts of favors of,” came Roy’s voice, his comment hitting a little more of a hateful tone than perhaps he meant. 

Edward flinched subtly. There was nothing about this that looked good. Worst case scenario was that Roy would walk away thinking that he had been two timing him all along; best-worst case scenario was that he knew Edward’s true motives and would be livid that he hadn’t at first talked to him about it. “Roy, I-” Edward’s voice was barely above a hoarse squeak; he was unable to say much before Roy held up his hand and gestured that he wanted the younger man to save his explanations. 

“I went grocery shopping because I was hoping to have you over for dinner. So I think it’s comical that I ran into you on my way home. You and your girlfriend are welcome to come over tonight,” Roy went on with a dull look on his face. 

“We really are serious; we aren't dating, Roy,” Edward said as he began to walk down the steps towards the other, leaving Lilly behind. 

“Your girl acquaintance if that’s less awkward for you,” Roy corrected as he adjusted his bag of groceries. He looked down at Edward’s stomach then into his eyes quickly, giving him the full brunt of his fierce glare as Edward stepped closer. 

“Oh,” Edward could hear Lilly announce from behind him. He stopped himself from speaking and glanced back. She was standing still, half way up the stairs with her hands clasped around her small handbag. She stood there and swayed her body back and forth while she observed the other from her perch. Again she spoke. “Oh! I get it.” She snapped her fingers before she lowered her voice to repeat, “I get it. 

“Okay. Please, General, Sir, understand that Edward only had good intentions for asking me to help him today. I’m not, um, hear to come between anyone.”

Roy looked up at her, more livid than ever for a hot moment. There was a bright flicker of fear mixed with rage that gleamed in his eye. “Like hell he had good intentions, but thank you, Lilly. I know you mean well. I don’t believe you’re here to come between anyone either,” he said with a defeated sigh as Edward watched him visibly deflate a little. So much for the great General Mustang’s best kept secret. 

“I’ll just go on by myself, then. Head to a nice diner by my dorms and grab a snack I suppose.” She tugged on her black hair and pulled it over her shoulder, using it as though it were her safety blanket. “I can see that I’m in the middle of something that I ought not be in the middle of,” she said as she bowed and quickly excused herself, dashing off before Edward could properly bid her a grateful goodbye. 

Roy glanced up at the church then back to Edward before he adjusted his bag of groceries again. “You can go with her; it’s not like I’m in charge of your life or anything. I can’t make you involve me in your affairs, right?” 

“I wasn’t having an affair, Roy.” 

“No; I can see that. You were looking to see how adoption works. Too scared to do it alone and too ashamed to ask me about it?” Roy paused for a moment while the words sunk in. “Right, Ed?” he snapped. 

“I just wanted to see what other options there were,” Edward meekly replied. 

“I find it ironic that an orphan himself would think orphaning another would even be an options to begin with. Come on, Ed. We shouldn’t talk about this here.”

  
  


Edward couldn’t quite understand what was worse: the entirety of the situation, or the fact that he was willingly following Roy home to accept his scolding and punishment. As Roy so painfully and blatantly stated, he did not have to be involved in Edward’s personal affairs. Edward owed him nothing; the baby wasn’t his, and they were not yet lovers, nor were they legally bound to each other in any way. Roy was just another man to Edward, right? If that’s truly how he wanted to look at it, but Edward did not want to look at it like that. 

He had his hands shoved in his coat pockets as he scuffed his feet along the carpet outside of Roy’s apartment door. He paused before crossing the threshold and looked into the usually calm and safe environment; this time he felt as though he were walking into an active battlefield. 

Roy slammed his bag down onto the kitchen table and feverishly removed his coat. This was obviously not how the older individual had intended to spend his evening. 

Edward was at a loss. He began to unbutton his coat slowly before he found use in his voice. “Do I go first or…?” he cut himself off whilst the man across the room shot out a sarcastic snort. 

“Sure; you can start off by explaining to me why you wouldn’t think to ask an actual orphan that you knew to begin with before you went jumping in and involving someone else in this,” Roy snapped.

“Lilly doesn’t know,” Edward defended at first as Roy crossed his arms and gave an impatient look. Edward had seen him annoyed before, but this was different. He was clearly offended and hurt. It was impossible for Edward to understand why he hadn’t seen this coming. “I just said it like this: I’m thinking about adoption and I’d like to look into it. Will you please help me,” he explained, trying to defuse any rebuttal Roy might have before he had the opportunity to reply. 

“That doesn’t explain why that was your first go to option after telling me. So what, Ed? Your little plan didn’t work out? You thought the child was mine so you were telling me with the intention of making someone else responsible? So now you find out that I’m not the father, and that means you’re looking for someone else to take responsibility? What? Is your next course of action to take steps in finding the real father?” 

“You know as well as I do that that’s a near impossible task. I don’t even know where to begin,” Edward said, his voice cracking a little. Roy was good at pointing out the hard facts that even he couldn’t admit to himself. The way Roy said it made him sound awful and manipulative. It made his blood boil. “Of course I’m going to weigh my options, Mustang. I’m 20 years old for fuck’s sake! I’m not equipt to be able to raise a child successfully! I don’t even know what I’m doing right now.” 

“Adoption is a low way to sink. Especially given that you took on this responsibility willingly. You made yourself a part of that baby’s life even if right now you’re trying to alienate yourself from it.”

“Because she BEGGED me too, Roy! What was I supposed to do; let her die knowing that I didn’t have the courage to fulfil her last request? She lied to me and now I’m screwed! I don’t know who the father is. I originally thought I was helping you; I thought I was brining you a piece of the woman that you loved and that in the end-”

“In the end what? What did the end of this story look like I wonder? Deliver me a newborn infant and promptly leave afterwards, knowing that you had fulfilled this righteous act and did me a favor of some kind!? Mission accomplished, eh?” 

“I don’t know what I was going to do!” At that point the two had raised their voices towards each other, but neither dared to make a move nor even breath after that. They couldn’t out and out argue, not with how close others were to them in the apartment complex. Two men arguing like a married couple surely would not bode well, and Edward had already done enough to have someone question Roy’s sexuality. 

“So you don’t know and that makes it okay to go off on your own and figure things out?” Roy said after he exhaled a long breath. He lowered his voice and covered his forehead with the palm of his hand, pushing his bangs between his fingers and gripping tight at the roots. From that angle, Ed could clearly see that the other was starting to show a little gray in the underbelly of his bangs. 

“It’s how I’ve always lived.” He didn’t know what else to say beyond that. It was the truth. When he had a problem he made it his own business and did his best to figure it out. 

“And the last 10 or so years of your life has done nothing to teach you otherwise? To show you that you’re not alone?” 

“This is different,” Edward murmured, anger still stirring low in his belly. He couldn’t help but ruminate on the bitter taste of reality that hung on Roy’s words. 

“How is this different?” 

“Everyone is gone, dead or moved in the aftermath of the coup that my problem caused… because of me; my life is different now. It’s not mine anymore, everything is different; everything is new,” he said, this time his anger near evaporating and leaving him with nothing but the empty feeling of sadness. He hadn’t voiced it out loud before, that everything was different. “I feel like it’s a dream most of the time. I’m scared near constantly, Roy,” he said as he crouched down and gripped his fingers into his blond locks. “Just when I think things are normal, I get this overwhelming sense of this not being real. You’re alone in your dreams; do you ever notice that? So I feel like I’m alone even when I’m awake, because nothing feels real.”

“I get it; people have died. And now your brother is no longer always at your side. But, Ed, that’s why I kept insisting that you live with me. You’re not alone because in the very least you have me. Aren’t I familiar enough of a figure in your life by now? After so many years?” 

“You can’t take responsibility for me or my warped sense of righteousness. That’s all it is that got me into this mess. You’re right.”

“For someone so smart you sure are the biggest dumbass I’ve ever met,” Roy scoffed, though his tone was far from hostile at that point.  Edward relaxed a little as he listened to him continue. “Adoption is a shitty idea. As an orphan myself I can say that being raised by the church is the worst thing, never having structure and stability, always wondering why you’re not good enough to be adopted.” 

“I wouldn’t have been able to go through with it anyway, Roy,” Edward sighed. “Those children didn’t have innocence. They were robbed of it just as I was. I don’t want another baby coming into this world having to grow up too fast.”

“I’m glad you can see that. Why do you have it in your head that I don’t want to take responsibility?” Roy continued. Edward listened as the man began to walk towards him, his footfalls heavy against the wooden floor, still the other did not look up to acknowledge him. “I thought my having told you that I love you, my inviting you to live with me was obvious enough that I’d like to take responsibility.” 

Edward chortled a little in the back of his throat. “See I’m confused by that because you can’t let anyone in the military know that you’re gay otherwise you’ll be discharged, but you want to willingly live with me; what’s more you want to bring this baby into the world and continue to care for me as well? In what kind of reality do you think that’s going to work out?” 

“It’s a chance, but I think it’ll work. It’s don’t ask don’t tell, Edward. I might very well be high up enough  in the chain of command that no one would want to know anyway,” Edward could hear him say, ever closer did he come still, moving down so that he could place his hand onto his shoulder and give him a reassuring squeeze. 

“So you’re going to live happily ever after with me? Keep this baby and keep me as well; and what-we just pretend that this is the right way of things?” 

“Give it a chance; I think deep down you know that you’ll like it. You don’t have to be alone. I don’t care if it’s not biologically mine or even yours. I’m still thankful that I’m being given this opportunity. I’d like to be the father.” 


	22. Mother

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fabulous readers,
> 
> I'm trying to move quickly while the ideas are fresh in my mind. I feel like I'm a ticking time bomb! Has anyone read Flowers For Algernon? I feel like I'm Charlie and I realize that soon my brain will be mush so all I can do is sit here and begin the mourning process for the inevitable.

“This is all easy for you to say,” Edward snapped. He hated the fact that tears were beginning to fill his wide, hopeless eyes. He pushed his lips together in a straight line before he spoke again. “You can say that you want to be the father, and that you want to be in love with me. This can be a dream come true for you. Me on the other hand-”

Roy gripped tighter onto Edward’s shoulders and gave him a little shake. “This can be happy for you too.”

“I can’t even rightly call myself a father,” he muttered as he looked away from Roy. “I’m stripped of whatever familiarity I’ve ever had my whole life. Now I’m just this enigma, a scientific example of everything a person should not do. What am I, Roy?” Edward resorted to asking as he at last panned his head back to the older man kneeling in front of him. He hiccuped before he stuck his lip out in a pout, feeling pathetic, but unable and unwilling to hide it. 

“You can be a mother; it’s fine if you are. I think so anyway,” Roy said with a stupid look. He shrugged his shoulders upwards. “Biologically I mean,” he trailed off. 

At that Edward tossed his head back and emitted a low sob towards the ceiling, earning a look of fright from the older. “Ed; calm down. You can be a mother. It doesn’t have anything to do with you being male. Let’s just say that a mother can be a male in our world, okay?” he shushed as he leaned a little closer. 

“I don’t. Want. To be. A mother!” Edward continued to cry, breaking his sentence with exaggerated gasps between words. “I’m not ready!” he went on as he brought his hands up to cover his eyes. “I’m so scared!” 

“Shh; oh geeze, shhh,” Edward could hear Roy say as the other man pulled him into a tight hug; his tone of voice sounded softer, more endearing as though he were smiling as he held Edward and placed his chin against the top of his head. He swayed their bodies together back and forth, lulling Edward into an uncomfortable silence. He had never been coddled before, not since he was little at least. Soon he quieted and rested his head against the strength of Roy’s chest, calming his breath and his body. 

“Stop smiling. It’s not funny,” Edward said as he twisted his nose into the other’s chest, knowing that the other was sitting there with a grin on his face. He sniffed. 

“I’m sorry; I don’t mean to, but you’re being really cute right now.”

“Glad I’m amusing,” muttered Edward in reply. 

“Try to enjoy it,” Roy eventually said after Edward remained calm and collected for more than a few moments. 

The blonde raised his eyes and gave at inquisitive look. “Enjoy what?” 

“Awkwardness aside, look at the positives. You’re not alone because you have me; and you’re not doing anything that women haven’t been doing for thousands of years already. Aren’t pregnancies supposed to be a blessing?” 

“Please don’t tell me you’re the religious type,” Edward uttered reluctantly as he gave the other a harsh stare.

“No; no way in hell. I just mean to say that there shouldn’t be anything about this that you can’t enjoy.” 

“I guess.” 

“Don’t just guess. You can enjoy this just how women can. Look at the sheer science of it. Your body is now doing something incredible.” 

“I didn’t create the life, Roy,” Edward went to rebuttal only to be hushed again. 

“It doesn’t matter. You’re harboring life and you’re the one that’s making it grow now. It’s not Riza anymore. What you do, eat, drink: all of that adds to the life you have. Marvel at it. How many times have you seen the Gate of Truth now? How many times have you successfully walked away and won against all scientific and logical laws?” 

“I didn’t make a deal with the Truth this time,” Edward said. “It’s not hard when you use your whole body as a philosopher stone. The payout is heavy, but-”

Again Roy shook him a little. “Don’t you see how groundbreaking it is? Modern alchemy has advanced forward ten times over because of you. Understanding that our bodies are philosopher's stones and making that work to your advantage.”

“What if it’s not a baby? What if it’s a homunculus or something?” Edward winced with terror. 

“It’s not; Ed. It wouldn’t be alive if it was. The doctor said that your baby is alive.”

“My baby?” Edward repeated after a thick swallow. 

“ _ Our  _ baby,” Roy corrected.

“Ours,” Edward nodded. “Okay, ours. I can work with that.” He scrubbed the heel of his hand into his eye and wiped away the excess of tears. “I suppose that we’ll need a lot of essentials, then.” He sighed and relaxed, peeling off of Roy’s chest and taking in a fresh breath of air as he looked around. “A crib, clothes, bottles.” 

“What do you think of the name Everett?” 

“Huh?” Edward cocked his head to the side, caught off guard as to what he was saying for a second. “For a baby name? I dunno. I suppose that’s a fine name. Everett Mustang?” Edward repeated, not for clarification, but because he wanted to hear how the name sounded, to taste how to say it. “For a boy or girl name?” 

“Either. Or is it not flashy of enough of a name for you and your classless tastes?” Roy snickered. He stood with a grunt and yanked on the smaller alchemist, toting him along with as he moved. 

“It’s a good name. If that’s what you want. I’ll hold on to it. A name is less foreboding than saying ‘it’ all the time.” 

“Are you quite done, then? Being hell bent on thinking that this is the worst thing ever and that you’re all alone?” 

Edward shrugged as he followed Roy into the kitchen. He grabbed for the bag of groceries and began to rummage around, intending on helping Mustang to put the items away and helping with dinner. “I might start up again later. I don’t know,” he said nonchalantly. 

“I get that being in the war was hard on you, but you’re alive for good reason.”

“Okay, Roy. I get it. You can stop with your encouraging and sappy words now,” Edward sighed as he grabbed for a carton full of eggs and set them down on the table. Man, he had a headache from all of that disgusting crying. “I’m a precious vessel or whatever,” he said with a roll of his eyes. “I get it; I’m not alone. I’m stuck with you probably for  the rest of my life now,” he mumbled, causing the other to turn around and give him a curious look. 

Edward blushed. “Isn’t this permanent? You’re going to the father of what I give birth to. That makes you committed for the rest of your life; so now my life is yours. Um, if you give me your life in exchange. That should be fair. So I’ll be packing my things. I don’t have much, just a few suitcases. Okay?” He said as he glanced at the stupid smile on the older man’s face. 

With a sigh Edward turned to began putting things closer to Roy so that he could put them away; he didn’t know where anything was in the man’s kitchen. He would have to familiarize himself soon. “I need to tell Al,” Edward finally admitted after a moment of silence. There was a lot that he needed to do, but he felt that was the appropriate place to start. “Ugh; I’ve been avoiding this.” 

From beside him Roy made a clucking sound with his tongue in acknowledgement. “You can always do it really formally like how the aristocrats do it: send announcements in the mail and such,” he said casually, obviously meaning it as a joke.

“Hell no,” Edward snorted curtly. “I don’t have many important people to tell. Do you?”

“No,” Roy mimicked. “Just my aunt.”

“Does she know you’re gay?” 

“She does actually. She has a mother’s love for me; you can’t hide that kind of thing from your mother.” 

“She’ll be happy then I assume. That she’ll get to see you have children.” 

“I’m sure she will, after she’s through laughing her ass off first, but don’t worry; I won’t let her laugh at you.” 

“Yeah? I’m sure my aunt will laugh at me too. Something like ‘that science gets you in the worst kinds of trouble, Ed,’” he said as he mimicked her raspy, high pitched, old voice. “I’m a medical professional and you’ve turned my house into a scientific funhouse more times than I can count.” 

“She’s a treasure that one. Remind me of her name again?” 

“Pinako,” Edward replied. 

“But she’s not your real aunt, right?” 

“No; adopted aunt. Like yours I assume?” 

“Oh Madame Christmas is my biological aunt. It took her a few years to be able to adopt me from the church, but she got there eventually. I’m sure that the church was happy to talk to you and Lilly; they really doesn't like adopting to single parents.” 

Edward narrowed his eyes. He knew that the church wouldn’t want to talk to him if he hadn’t brought Lilly along. “We’ll do it together for both sides; I’ll tell my aunt with you there; and you can tell your family with me there,” Roy went on. “Then if they laugh it’ll be at the both of us and not just you.” 

Edward nodded his head. “I’d like that. I don’t want to face Winry alone. I’m still nervous about breaking her heart. I know she’ll be sad to see me like this,” he mused as he wrapped his arms around himself. “But I’ll tell my brother in private before anyone else.” 

Roy nodded as he grabbed for the last bit of groceries. “How do you think you’ll tell him; please don’t tell me you’re going to call him on the phone?” 

“Of course not. I suppose that it can’t be helped that I’ll have to make a trip back home soon. I want to show up with a flat stomach,” he said as he patted his tummy. 

“Better move soon. You’ll be growing bigger the more time goes by,” Roy offered as he reached for the front of Edward’s shirt and gave it a little tug. “You already have a bit of a bump,” he teased as Edward smacked his hand away. 

“I  _ know _ . It’s because I’m so damn skinny that you can see everything even my ribs right now,” he whined in turn as he tugged on his clothes. 

“Then you should stop getting so sick all the time!”

“Easier said than done.”


	23. Yours

For a time the two went back and forth like that as they went about the kitchen, talking lightly and preparing something to eat as though they hadn’t just argued. Edward supposed that’s what made being in a relationship special: the fact that one could argue, but never fully stay mad at the other. Always together in the end.

He smiled every so often as he listened to Roy talk, asking him a few questions occasionally as the night went on and they soon retired to rest on the couch. 

Somewhere in another room a cock struck the hour, allowing for Edward to count the chimes so he could tell the time. “It’s already so late,” he hummed softly as he uncurled himself from the couch. “I suppose I live here now, starting tonight?”

Roy nodded with a chuckle. “Starting tonight,” he confirmed as Edward leaned forward and kissed him. When he broke their kiss, Roy spoke again. “We can get your things tomorrow and have you settled in.” 

“And I suppose I get to sleep in that big bed with you now?” Edward asked before he kissed him again. 

“I should hope so,” Roy murmured. “I’m not the type of person that’s into sleeping in separate beds.” 

“No?” 

“No.” 

Edward laughed lightly before he cleared his throat awkwardly. He curled his body towards the other and pulled his feet from his lap, sitting up a little straighter before he spoke candidly. “I love you, Roy Mustang. And I really want to thank you,” he said sternly as he leveled his expression and stared at the other intently. 

“Don’t ask me how or when,” he added as he held up a hand before Roy could reply. “I don’t know the details; I just do. Upsetting you today made me feel like shit.” 

“Good; then next time you won’t go behind my back when it has to do with your well being because now you know why it is that I care. Because I love you too, Ed. Very much so that it hurts sometimes. Always watching you from a distance, seeing you mature, seeing you fail and grow.” 

Edward screwed up his expression at that, wondering what it was that was so endearing about him and his failures Roy continued, “you’re a noble, hotheaded, little shit. I’ve always loved that about you. When you fail you become stronger and I had the inside treat of getting to know that intimate part of you, seeing you to your very core. I’m a lucky man.” 

“Don’t call me little,” Edward laughed for old time sake. “I’m not that much shorter than you anymore, and you’re not so tall yourself for a man; not like Havoc or Breda.” 

“So you know that good things come in small packages,” Roy snickered as he leaned and pecked Edward on the cheek. “I like how you are. You’re perfectly sized for me. Easy to hold, comfortable to curl up against. You could be a little softer,” he said as he patted his bony arm. 

Edward snorted and looked away. “I’m sure I’ll get there,” he muttered, not looking forward to growing soft and round, but at least feeling more confident with the mental picture than before. He blushed as he stood abruptly and pulled on Roy’s sleeve. “I want to go to bed,” he stated blatantly as he tugged on Roy until the other stood. 

“Take me to bed,” he whispered as he reached up on tiptoes and wrapped his arms around him. 

“Cary you?” Roy chuckled as he bent and hoisted Edward up by the waist. He kissed him. “Wrap you legs around me.” 

Edward smiled and pushed his nose flat against Roy’s cheek as he used the strength in his abdomen to raised his legs and wrap them around the man’s high waist. He crossed his ankles and laced his fingers as he felt Roy’s large hands hold him by the ass and easily walk with him away from the living room, kissing him gracefully as he moved. 

Edward relished the sound of their lips as they kissed; he enjoyed the taste of the man’s mouth, the feel of his stubble against his fingertips and lips when he kissed along his jaw. He was growing hard...and wet as well. He could tell now, becoming familiar with his body’s new physical cues when he was aroused. 

As Roy entered his bedroom-- _ their  _ bedroom--Edward slid from his waist and twisted to push on the other so that he fell backwards onto the mattress, the springs squeaking faintly with the sudden assault of weight. 

Gently he rolled his head on his shoulders as he did as well with his hips before he began to unbutton his shirt, mirroring what he had done and how bold he had been their first night playing like this together. Roy kept still; he usually kept patients when he was with Edward like this, never over exerting his boundaries and always respecting Edward’s comfort levels. Roy had always been so perfect. 

Edward shivered as he began to remove his pants, trying hard not to look a fool as he wiggled out of his clothes. “I want you to make love to me, Roy. I want to feel you inside of me.” he murmured with a low, hushed voice. 

“You’re sure?” 

Edward nodded. 

Roy leaned up from his relaxed position on the bed and gave Edward an eager look as the younger finished undressing and crawled onto the bed after him. He released a shaky breath. He was familiar with being intimate with Roy, but still so unsure of himself being with another man. “Where do you want me?” he asked as he looked down to the empty part of the bed before he glanced back up at Roy with an innocent expression. 

“Lay flat on your back,” Roy hushed as he gently encouraged the other to rest back by pushing on him lightly with his hand, moving along with him and sliding between his legs near seamlessly. Edward elongated himself, licking his lips in the process as he looked at the older man with a trusting gaze, knowing that he was safe.

Roy towered over him, bending to kiss him along his jugular and down to his collar bone, down further against his chest, to his stomach, to his erection so that he could take him into his mouth and nurse on him, rolling his tongue across his sensitive flesh until Edward was nearly undone, moaning and writhing beneath reluctantly. He didn’t want this to end too fast.

Roy hummed against him as he pulled his lips away and traveled further still, dipping his tongue into Edward’s womanhood and rolling it against his tender flesh. Edward’s toes curled as his fingers gripped into the sheets, instinctively going lax and letting his legs fall limp to the sides as his lover pleasured him before he pulled away once more and raised his hips so that he matched where Edward had his legs held open. 

Roy fumbled, fingers shaking as they worked to undo his button and zipper to his pants all while Edward trailed his fingertips along the man’s forearms with a show of gentle encouragement, watching him curiously. He was nervous; because it was their first time? 

Edward licked his lips and waited as Roy all but tore his pants from his body and hurriedly removed his shirt before he brought his hips down to crash against Edward, colliding their erections together and rolling against the heat of his body. 

“Hold my hand,” Roy whispered as he leaned down onto his forearm shifting all of his weight to his left side as Edward grasped onto him. 

“You’re such a sap,” Edward whispered back, though he secretly liked it. He adjusted his body, raising his hips and wrapping his legs around Roy as he felt the other use his free hand to bring himself to the heat of his alternate sex, pushing against him lightly enough to give him reason to stiffen with momentary anticipation. 

Edward held his mouth open as he twisted his head and kissed at the man’s exposed neck. His body was trebling; they both were. He held his breath as he felt the foreign organ push inside, breaking into him for the first time. 

He knew not what else to do than to moan, full and deep as he clung to Roy. He was surprised to know how easily and eagerly his body accepted the other man. There was only a small amount of pressure that immediately melted and gave way to the most intense feeling of pleasure. By that point he was shaking violently, gritting his teeth and squeezing his eyes shut as he listened to Roy emit his own moan, joy for being able to delve inside the man he loved for the first time. 

“Am I hurting you?” Roy asked; he dared not move another muscle until Edward answered. 

“No; God, no. Please; keep going. It feels good,” Edward said as he stretched his body against his lover’s. “Please make me yours,” he said all on an exhale as Roy began to move, rotating his hips slow and easy. 

Roy gave a dark chuckle as he thrusted. “Now who’s the sap?” 

“Shut up,” Edward snapped with a blush. He reached up with his hand and tugged on the man’s hair, teasing a sound of pleasure from him before he came down to kiss him, allowing Edward to moan full against his lips, giving him something to do as Mustang began to grow more sporadic with his movements. 

It didn’t take Edward long to come completely undone in the man’s arm. He moaned and cried as he held on for dear life, allowing Roy to claim him, use him up. He lay utterly limp, willingly submitting himself in a way he never thought he would do with a partner. He hadn’t even realized that he had already come until he began to feel the semen on his belly began to dry thin against his skin. He knew not what to do with the sensation of pleasure that coursed through his body. Pleasure both inside and out. 

He had been touched against the cervix before, but how Roy was hitting it with his thrusts sent a surge of ecstasy throughout him with every push. “I c-can’t,” he uttered nonsensically. “I’m going crazy.”

“Come for me again, baby,” he could hear him say before his hand feel between their bodies and began to pleasure his erection. 

“Don’t!” Edward shivered. He grew tight in response, constricting all of his muscles, causing a chain reaction for Roy’s body as well. “Ffu-ah,” Edward stopped himself, not wanting to ruin the moment with vulgarity and opted to ride on his orgasm, creaming and feeling the man join him in his climax until at last there was no more but the overwhelming urge to sleep a dreamless slumber. 


	24. Breakfast

“I,” Edward announced the next morning as he gingerly walking into the kitchen where Roy was drinking his coffee.  “Regret everything from last night,” he continued with a groan as he eased himself into a chair and grabbed for a piece of toast off of Roy’s plate. 

Roy looked at him from over the rim of his coffee cup inquisitively with a single dark brow raised, understandably concerned over the comment. 

What Edward said, though, did not imply that he hated what they did, just that he regretted it. After he chewed on a mouthful of toast he swallowed and spoke. “I was reading about sexual health and thought that this piece of information was weird, but it’s true so go figure,” he began as he leaned forward with his elbows on the table. 

“Did you know that a man’s ejaculation can cause a woman’s womb to cramp after sex, especially during pregnancy? ‘Normal pregnancy pains,’ they call it,” he added with fingered quotation marks. “Ejaculation can help encouraging the uterus to contract.” 

“So you’re having….labor pains?” Roy asked after he coughed on his sip of coffee for a second. 

“I’m hurting; that’s for sure,” he replied with an unamused look on his face. “Just-” he made a gesture towards his lower abdomen. “Everything hurts: my hips, my insides, my back.” He pointed at his toast, “I will probably be sick later. I’m eating, fully knowing that I will just throw it back up later.”

Roy blinked at him a few times, unsure on what he was supposed to say in order to offer the other comfort. He crossed his legs and leaned forward a little, stitching his brows as he visibly thought long and hard about what he was supposed to do. “I’m sorry, Ed. I didn’t mean to make you hurt.” 

Edward laughed and shook his head. “It’s okay. You didn’t need to know, but I don’t ever have anyone else to talk to about it. 

“Hey, do you suppose that the military will get tired of me calling in sick and eventually fire me?” he asked as he perked up a little. Of course he had every intention of keeping his job for as long as his body would allow, but eventually he knew he would have to figure something else out in the last months of his pregnancy. 

Again Roy raised his eyebrow with unamused concern. “Probably not. Demoted, yes, but you’d really have to piss them off for them to out and out discharge you. About that; what are you going to do?” 

“I think I should have retired when I was given the opportunity, but I wanted clearance for the library; and I also didn’t want to go home with Al so I opted to take the position as a scape from having to explain myself. I don’t know what I’m going to do now. I face being discharged for performing unauthorised and unethical transmutation. Imprisonment maybe if they find out it was on another soldier.”

“You’re lucky they didn’t do an autopsy on Riza; otherwise there would have been an investigation. Good thing I know a lot of people and can call in a lot of favors,” he said unamused. “Reason to question her death was in circulation.”

Edward nodded. Of course Mustang was in the back pulling strings to protect Edward from his own idiocy even if he hadn’t know what it was at the time of action. “T-thank you,” Edward said slowly with a nod. 

Roy returned his gesture with a nod of his own. “I’ll always protect you even if you are a fool sometimes. Just promise you’ll stop pushing your luck.” 

“Yeah; I think I should get out of the military. All it’s ever done is pushed me to my limits. Even if we are in a post war era now, I don’t trust for my life to calm down unless I just leave.” 

“Then retire,” Roy said with an indifferent shrug.  

“It’s all I’ve ever come to know. That and alchemy. And even still to understand alchemy is nothing but a burden. I’ve almost come to hate it after all of this time,” he mused as he dipped his chin into the palm of his hand. He sighed and took another bite of Roy’s toast.

“It’s caused you and your family a lot of pain,” Roy agreed. “I think you’ve done enough for your country that you can justify walking away and wanting to live in peace.” 

“What about you?” 

“I never joined the military because I wanted to use it as a tool for personal gain. I joined because I wanted to make a difference.” 

Edward caught himself before he made a careless comment. In his youth he would have shot that statement down and dismissed Roy for being full of it, but having been with him more intimately allowed for Edward to understand when the other was being sincere. He spent a long time thinking that Roy had only been doing things for personal gain, never because he was trying to protect him and his brother and genuinely make a difference. He kicked his feet back and forth a few times. “Still want to become Fuhrer?” 

“I will become Fuhrer in due time.” 

“And what will you do when that happens?” Edward had never thought to ask him about it before; he never cared to delve too deeply into Roy’s ambitions or why he had them. 

“Change alchemy laws for one. Not just in the military, but across the nation. So idiots like you stop hurting themselves.” 

“What? Are you going to arrest me when it comes time?” Edward snickered. “Careful what you wish for; it might cause you grief later on down the line.” 

“No; no one will touch you, Edward. I’ll die protecting you,” he said as he reached for his hand. 

Edward smiled for a moment before adverted his eyes. “What else will you do?” 

“I want to change the purpose of State Alchemists, switch from being over powered combat enforced to more research based. Alchemists shouldn’t be used as human weapons. Too many lives have fallen apart because alchemy has been used as a blunt show of force.”

Edward nodded. “That’s noble,” he said “I like that.” 

“You’re designed to do good for this world, not help to destroy it. You saved it. I’d rather see you as a head of a research team than a colonel stuck behind a desk. They’re wasting your talents right now.” 

“Everyone has to work with a broom and dustpan for now,” Edward replied as he held onto Roy’s hand. “But I’d like to see a day where I do something productive besides just stirring up shit and doing intel work. I’ll see that you get there as Fuhrer. Maybe not from the inside, but I’ll do what I can. 

“Someday I think the position of Fuhrer should be left to a democratic vote. It’s bullshit that the decision is made by a small collective group of assholes with too many stars on their lapels. I didn’t risk my neck just to see the military stay stagnant. There’s a wall between the people and the government. Break it down,” he encouraged. 

“Will do,” Roy said with a laugh. “We can make changes without having to risk our lives right now at least. It sounds like I’ll have a smart lover at my side to help me change the world.” 

“Will you change the don’t ask don’t tell code?” 

“Of course.” 

Edward nodded again. “Because I don’t mind having to pretend for now; if it means that you’ll make a change for the better in the end,” he began hesitantly as he looked around momentarily with a bit of embarrassment for being able to say it out loud. 

“Pretend to be what?” 

“Your wife,” Edward stated bluntly as best he could with a straight expression though he could feel the heat in his cheeks. 

Roy blinked dumbly at him a few times while Edward began to fidget. “Don’t look at me like that. I’m going to have to eventually. I don’t think anyone is ready to see a pregnant man walking around. Lucky me because I’m so adrogenist to begin with. It’ll make you look good anyway, having a home with wife and child.”

“I’m just trying to picture you wearing a dress,” Roy snorted with amusement. 

Edward rolled his eyes. “Yeah, well don’t hurt yourself trying to picture it too much. The more times goes by the more I think wearing a dress sounds a lot more comfortable than pants,” he sighed as he folded himself over the kitchen table. 

“Why don’t you collect your things today while I’m at work? Call your brother and arrange for a visit. We can buy you some clothes while we’re traveling.” 

Edward shook his head. “Yeah, okay,” he sighed before he twisted and pushed his forehead against the flat surface. “I’m so tired; I’ll go talk to my landlady this afternoon.” 

“I’ll see you later tonight, then,” Roy said as he leaned forward and gave Edward a gentle kiss against the top of his hair. “Take care; okay?” 


	25. Surprise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fabulous readers,
> 
> Another cluster of chapters coming up. I went camping and have been working on these; I just wasn’t around any wi-fi to post them ;P.

 

Edward was sitting at the kitchen table in his landlady’s apartment. Her home reeked of cats, which that was making him feel increasingly more nauseous with each passing moment. He swallowed something thick and uncomfortable in his throat before he was able to speak. He must have looked like a fish out of water sitting there struggling to breath like that. 

“Are you sure, Edward, dear? You’re such a good tenant,” she was saying with a withered old tremble in her voice.

“I am, Mrs. Abrnathy. It’s been really great to have lived here, but I’m afraid I just don’t need the room anymore.” He resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Of course he was a good tenant; he was hardly ever there. He smiled with about as much sincerity as a lawyer as he crossed his legs while she huffed an old laugh at him. 

“Fu, fu, fu. Off growing up behind my back. I see that glow on your face. You must be settling down. No need for a bachelor flat anymore, eh?” she creaked as she pointed a wrinkled finger at him. 

Edward gave another quick smile before he spoke. “You see right through me. So please; I’ll pay for this last month’s rent; I just want to sign myself off of the lease agreement and pay the difference.” 

Gretty Abernathy waved her hand. “Nonsense, child; how about you just pay for the add in the paper and we’ll call it even?” 

“Are you sure?” 

“Yes, yes, you probably have a dowry to pay. I can’t in good consciousness take away a man’s dowry; put it towards better things in your new life.” 

Edward gave an uneasy laugh. “Uh, I don’t think anyone pays dowries anmore, Mrs. Abrnathy.” He began to stand, glad to be over with the exchange relatively quickly. He left behind his cup of tea and a few half nibbled biscuits with little remorse, too sick to eat. 

“Oh, I guess I just don’t keep up with the times. My husband paid a dowry to my family, right and proper. Everything was by the book back then. These days it’s a little more fast and loose. Young men just don’t want to honor where a lady comes from. Probably not even an arranged marriage I’ll wager, yes indeed.” 

Really Edward didn’t know whether or not he was supposed to be offended. “There’s no one to ask permission of; we’re both orphans, but your concern is refreshing I guess?” he replied as she walked him to her front door. 

“That’s a shame, but at least now you’ll have each other. I’ll take the difference from your safety deposit and have the rest for you when you bring your key back. Take your time,” she said as she patted him. “You’re such a fine young man. I do wish the best for you and your future. Thank you for defending our country; we need more men like you around,” she affirmed with a nod. 

He gave an uneasy smile as he shriveled away from her touch and scrambled on up the stairs, wanting to be over with it and away from the smell of cats. 

He hurriedly closed the door to his apartment and immediately made a rush for the bathroom, sick and utterly ruined with nausea after talking with Mrs. Abrnathy. He wretched until he had nothing left but the cramping in his sore womb. It felt as though hours had gone by. He groaned as he peeled his cheek from the toilet seat. “I hate cats,” he muttered to himself before he fumbled with some toilet paper with shaking fingers. 

Eventually he wormed his way back to the main living area of his flat and began to dig around under his bed for his suitcase, hopefully packing it for the last time in his life. He sighed heavily, being sure to move gingerly lest he trigger his nausea again. 

Edward was busy going through his things, packing them carefully away when a knock came at the door to disrupt his thoughts and shatter his piece of mind. He swiveled his head around, twisting his body a little as he looked back at the door with wide eyed terror. For a second he thought that maybe if he were to stay quiet the visitor would go away. He didn’t want it to be Mrs. Abrnathy. It couldn’t have been her, surely she would have been able to climb the stairs.

He gulped, trying to conjure some strength in his voice after having been throwing up off and on for the last hour. A gargled came at first, but soon cleared, allowing him to make a high pitched sound that sort of resembled: “just a minute.” He rolled onto his feet and stood, tip toeing towards the door and reaching for the handle, dread falling across his shoulders and weighing heavy on him. 

Standing in the hallway was not just a singular individual, but a group of them. Three to be exact, all standing, patiently waiting to be let in with smiles on their faces. Al, May, and Winry.  

“You guys!” Edward cried out with faux glee, working hard to try and hide the fact that he really just wanted to cry right then and there. He opened the door for his family extending his arms and letting Al rush forward to throw himself into a hug. Edward gnashed his teeth together and withheld his groan of discomfort as their bodies collided. Uncomfortable, yes, but he was overall pleased to see his baby brother. He wrapped his arms around the taller and held him tight, pushing his face into his shoulder and taking that moment to just enjoy holding him.

“Brother, you look so much better since I last saw you.” 

“Yeah?” Edward couldn’t help but ask as he gave him a weird look. He certainly didn’t feel any better.

“Yeah; I’m being serious. You’ve got your color back, and your eyes don’t look so hopeless and vacant,” he chuckled as he pulled off of him and allowed for the other two to hug him next. May reached up for him, kissing him and giving him a tight hug before Winry stepped in last. 

She gave him an unsure look, smiling at first, then giving him a straight face before she half stepped towards him. It seemed that she felt just about as awkward as he did seeing her for the first time after so long. “It’s good to see you,” she said after she stepped away. She scooped a strand of her blond hair behind her ear. 

“Yeah, you too,” he came to say with a genuine smile. Awkward, yes, but he was still happy to see her.

Alphonse, knowing the underlying issue, stepped between, wanting to clear the light tension in the air as quickly as he could. He was about to say something when May interjected from the other end of the room. “Were you going somewhere?” she questioned as she pointed at his suitcase and all of the items he had sprawled around it. 

Funny how life worked out sometimes, with everything colliding together whenever it was least appropriate. He had just told Mrs. Abrnathy that he no longer wanted to live there, making him unable to go back on that, and thus temporarily leaving him without a place to provide housing for his company. He was in a position where he had little option but to tell the truth. 

Edward sighed as he shoved a hand into his pocket and reached up to tug on the back of his ponytail, scratching himself at the base of his skull as he let out a slow exhale. He puffed out his cheeks while he took a moment to collect how he wanted to say it. 

Al already knew and it was growing apparent on his face that he had made a terrible error in showing up unannounced. Normally Edward would have found his expression comical if hadn’t been feeling just as awkward. Alphonse shrunk a little and rounded his shoulders with a guilty expression.   _ Sorry _ , he mouthed quickly before Edward found his words. 

“Well, I was in the process of moving out. I found elsewhere that I’d like to live so I was getting things ready. I only just spoke with the landlady downstairs before you guys showed up.”

“And surely you were going to tell us?” May offered as she crossed her arms and raised her brow. 

“I did briefly mention it to Al; so I don’t know why he thought a surprise visit was a good idea.” 

“I didn’t!” Al snapped quickly. “I wanted to call ahead, but May insisted that we surprise you. She and Winry were hoping that it would be good for you.” 

“Well I’m surprised at least,” Edward replied with a harmless shrug and a gentle laugh. 

“Where are you moving to? We can help you, and after we can all go get something to eat,” Winry added with a helpful chirp. 

“I’m.” Edward paused to take in a breath, “moving in with Mustang.” He said this very slowly so the shock had plenty of time to sink in. 

“Ed, I’m so sorry! I didn’t know you were already going through with it!” Alphonse yipped as he clapped his hands together in front of his face to hide his expression. 

“Going through with it? So you already know what’s going on?” May asked as she twisted her body towards her fiance while Winry screwed up her expression. 

“I thought you hated him,” Winry added as she cocked her head to the side, utter confusion scribbled all over her features. 

“Yeah, I couldn’t stand him for a long time. I don’t know why I fell in love with him; it just happened all on its own,” Edward said as he slapped his hands against his thighs to give himself something to do for a moment. 

The sound of women screaming was near unbearable for Edward. He and his brother winced as the other two yelled in reply, not even bothering to vocalize any words, just senselessly screaming.  

“So you guys are welcome to stay with us since I’m sure you’ll be here for a few days and were probably intending to stay with me.” 

“In l-love with him?” Winry repeated, ignoring Edward’s attempt at being a good host. “I’m confused.”

“Please don’t be,” Edward requested as he crossed his arms. “I’m gay and the man I chose to be with is Roy. It’s as easy to understand as that. Or at least I like to pretend that this can be easy. I know it’s not normal.” 

“No, it’s not! Because you’ve only ever spent all of your adolescence hating Mustang and now you’re telling me that y-you’re in a relationship with him? I mean you have to be in a relationship now, right? Are you guys open about it? Does anyone else know?” She was chattering nervously while May busied herself by smacking Al on the arm repeatedly.  

“Why wouldn’t you tell us!?” she was demanding. “This would have been good useful information to know before we just went showing up uninvited!”

“Because it’s my brother’s business to tell people when he wants to.”

“I don’t think it’s weird that I’ve come to love him. He’s done a lot for me and Al over the years. He’s about as close to me as you guys are, so why not?” Edward snorted.

“Why not? That’s far too casual of an answer, Ed!” May barked in reply. “I mean, I don’t care who you’re sleeping with as much as Winry, but you have to give a better explanation than that!” 

Edward growled, resisting the urge to snap. “It’s a stupid question; you’re asking me something like why I like the color red. It’s because I do. Do you really want to know the logistics of this? I like his voice; I love his body; I like his compassion; I like that stupid smug look he gets when he’s right and he knows it. I can write a list if you need me to defend myself.” 

There was a harsh silence in the room while Edward paused, thinking that he had made a very good point before Winry busted out into near tears from laughing. Her voice was warm and full, her laughs coming out in gasps as the others in the room turned to look at her. “Mr. Science can’t figure out what it is that has him in love! That’s rich, Ed,” she said as she pretended to wipe a tear from her eye. “I’m sorry; I’m just shocked is all.”

Edward hung his head for a second. “I had every intention of being more formal about this, and tell you in a better way.”

“I couldn’t expect any less of you. You’ve always kept your secrets,” she said lightly though her words were far heavier than she meant for them to be. She smiled again, her arms folding over themselves so that she could give herself a small hug. It was obvious that she was indeed a little heartbroken. For a moment she looked as though she may cry.

Edward stood there, frozen while he contemplated his next course of action. He wanted to sigh again, but withheld the urge and instead shook his head. “I don’t have a lot of secrets to keep anymore, Winry. This one was just personal. I didn’t know what was happening between Roy and myself for a while. No one really needs to know about what I do with another person behind closed doors anyway. Can we agree on that?” 

He didn’t need for them to answer. He closed his eyes and looked down momentarily. He didn’t want this hanging over his head. “Since I have you all hear why don’t you sit down. Just try and bear in mind that this is not how I intended to tell you.” 

 


	26. Confession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fabulous readers,
> 
> Editing these chapters was a giant pain in the dick. I need a nap!
> 
> Also, for those of you who are presently waiting: It totally was not my intention to leave that cliffhanger as an actual cliffhanger. By the time I finish editing this chapter the site went down for services, then I had a hair appointment, then I had to go home, then I had to get dinner, and so on and so forth. Wow, okay!

 

There was something about his previous discussions with Roy that had Edward thinking about the events of his life in a more enlightened way. He sat in the middle of his flat with his legs cross while the others mimicked him. May and Winry sat on his bed with his things while Al took a seat on the floor. Everyone had their eyes set on him; they waited quietly. Edward was center stage now.

“Al knows what went on while I was deployed, but I’m not sure if you two do,” he began as he curled his legs upwards towards his chest and wrapped his arms around his knees. “After the military opted that the best place for me was along the front lines, they made me second in command of a small special forces team. I was under charge of Riza along with a few other soldiers. The intention was for us to be able to push through enemy lines by just focusing on small weak points in their defences. Since the war turned into a pissing match of who had more grenades than the other, it became near impossible to maneuver beyond our own front lines. We were trapped in our own desolation, just living in trenches with each other, stuck there for weeks at a time, unable to do anything.” 

“That’s awful,” Winry commented quietly.

“I was with Riza in the end when she died; I never left her side, not since I was put under her. We grew close. When she got shot I tried to save her.” Edward released a shaky breath as he hugged himself a little tighter. 

“There wasn’t anything that I could do. She was shot in the lung from what I was told. She never mentioned anything before this point about her personal life. I don’t know why she kept information to herself, but she was hiding something that she only told me as she was dying. She managed to get herself pregnant and-” he stopped and squeezed his eyes shut. 

“I don’t know why. I just... reacted as best I could. She was dying fast in my very arms. She didn’t want me to save her, didn’t even bother to ask. She just wanted me to save the baby.” 

He paused for a moment to collect himself, looking up at the others and evaluating the expression they had on their faces. He hoped that this exchange would be less painful than it had been with Roy.

“I’ve learned a few things; how to do human transmutation without the use of a Philosopher's Stone while also bypassing the laws of equivalent exchange. Well, not without totally using a Philosopher Stone, not in its ultimate form anyway. I did the best I could, and now I’ve ensured that her baby lives safely within my own body.” 

For a long while, no one else in the room spoke. Edward fell to silence himself before he promptly stood. He gave a stern face before he pulled his shirt up and exposed his belly, swiveling to the side so the others could see the distention of his womb. 

“Holy! Shit!” Al scrambled to his feet, staring wide eyed and open mouthed at his older brother, a mixture of awe and disbelief sprawled on his features. “Brother?” 

“I don’t understand; you can do that with alchemy?” Winry asked as she furrowed her brow. 

“I’ve never even heard of that being possible in alkahestry,” May whispered. She leaned forward on the edge of her seat, staring at Edward’s belly. “You’re sure it’s …. A baby?” she asked as Winry made a sacred sound in reply. 

“What else could it be!?” she screeched. “Not one of those monsters!?” 

“So far everything checks out normally to this being a standard pregnancy, unorthodox yeah, but-” May shot up from her seat and closed in on him, her eyes fixed on his abdomen. “I get scared about that to sometimes, but I’ve heard its heartbeat; and right now I’m showing all normal symptoms. I’m working with a doctor so-”

“Can I feel?” May interjected as she outstretched her hand. 

Edward’s initial reaction was to recede away from her but he stayed still and gave a quick nod of his head. She would be the first to know if something was wrong. He was torn between the desire of wanting to know and being too afraid to know. Quickly he closed his eyes as he felt the heat of her hand push up against his abdomen and stay there for an extended moment. No one else in the room bothered to speak while she closed her eyes and concentrated. 

Eventually she pulled her hand away and spoke with a softer tone of disbelief. “I can only sense pure chi inside of you, an entity that’s separate from your body. It’s as a normal pregnancy would be; how it would feel at least from my experiences. I-” she fluttered her eyes while Al and Winry looked at her. “I don’t know what to say short of this being incredible. Edward, this is amazing. A successful human transmutation and transfer of, well, essentially someone else’s body parts into your own body? Baby aside; you must have her womb, the placenta, the umbilical cord, otherwise this wouldn’t be possible. Do you know what this means? We’re talking we can transfer other organs in the future,” she stopped, clearly getting ahead of herself. Instead of going further. May took a deep breath and stepped back to collect herself. 

“So it’s a baby, May?” Al asked quickly as he stepped up closer, leaving Winry behind on the bed. He too reached out with his hand, allowing May to grab it and bring it to Edward’s belly. 

Softly Edward groaned and rolled his eyes. “Everyone doesn’t need to go touching me,” he mumbled, but he was grateful that the exchange wasn’t as volatile as it had been with Roy. 

“Feel here, Alphonse, and remember what I taught you about sensing chi,” she said as Al closed his eyes and tried to concentrate. 

“I just feel warmth and electricity, like a small amount of tingling in my fingers.” 

“Exactly: pure chi!”

Al looked down at his hand, then up at Edward, then down at his hand once more. “Brother,” he gasped. “Wow. Wow…. Wow!” It was almost as though he could think of nothing else to say beyond that, truly he was speechless. “So you’re pregnant? That’s the right term here, right? You’re having a baby?!” he said as his face began to split into a smile.

“So, it’s Roy’s then; that must be why you’re suddenly in love with him?” It was Winry that was talking now; she stayed on the bed and gave Edward a stern look. 

Edward shook his head. “I thought so too. In fact I’m sure she told me that it was his. She didn’t know what was happening in the last moments of her life. It’s not Roy’s.”

“Wow, so she just went off and must have had sex with another soldier during the war?” Al puzzled. “That doesn’t sound like her.” 

“I mean, well, we were all hurting for physical comfort,” Edward shrugged. “I’m not surprised if that was the case. Just a product of a lonely heart. She had never been with Roy intimately. He, uh, prefers the company of men.” 

“Who do you think it could have been?” Al asked as he began to rub Edward’s belly, encouraging the older to smack his hand away and eagerly tug on his shirt so that he could cover himself again. 

“I honestly have no clue.”

“So obviously Roy knows, then, since you guys are, well,” Al made some obscene gesture at Edward’s body to insinuate what  he was implying. “He’s gotta know, right?” 

“He does,” Edward nodded. “And here he still is, sticking with me and insisting that I let him help take care of me.” 

“I can’t believe you, Ed. You’d ask for someone else’s help over your own family?” Winry stated from where she still sat on the bed with her arms and her legs crossed. “We could be taking care of you too. You’re not well. You need to…. Why can’t you trust us ever to tell us things; me things? Al is your only brother and yet you’re-”

“Winry, try and look at it from my perspective. I don’t want to get into an argument about this. When I woke up in the hospital I had no idea what was going on. May and Al were a total surprise to me. I couldn’t just shit on their happiness by dragging them down with my terrifying news. I had no idea if the transmutation was a success; I had no idea where to turn to for research. I just needed to figure things out on my own.”

“What about Mustang?” 

“ _ Roy  _ happened to be in all the wrong and most obnoxious places at the right times. Him finding out so soon was accidental…. More or less. At the time I thought he was the father of the baby so I sort of thought it was his right to know. Imagine my surprise,” he muttered as he held his arms across his belly. He looked down with probably the most pathetic look a person could generate. 

“I understand,” May confirmed as he felt her lay a gentle hand against his shoulder. “You were trying to do what you thought was right and now nothing adds up. I can’t even imagine how you must feel right now,” she soothed. It was the first time that he had seen her be so gentle and sincere. 

“I’m sorry; I don’t mean to be mean,” Winry murmured as she bit her lip. “I’m just concerned. It’s our right as your family to want to take care of you and to get upset when we find out that you’re hurting.” 

“I know,” Edward replied softly. 

“But I think that Brother is an adult and that he should have that right to be able to assess his own situations. I know he would have come to us if things got too overbearing, Winry,” Al added as he too lay a hand against his brother’s shoulder. He gave him a big smile. 

“I guess it’s just my own motherly instinct that makes me want to take care of you. After all, I’ve been cleaning up your automail messes for so long now,” she said yet still she did not move from the bed and instead held herself a little tighter. “I can only hope that you’ll understand where I’m coming from now that your, um, going to become a parent. Maybe you’ll get some maternal instinct.” 

“I have so many questions!” May piped up again. “Do you intend to keep the baby? Surely you must?!”

“I was unsure about what I wanted to do at first; well, more like scared shitless,” Edward admitted, “but I’ve since had my mind set. Roy insists that he wants to be involved, be a family. He’s actually kind of a ham about it,” Edward snickered before he coughed and wiped clear his amused expression. 

“Oh wow; you really are in love with him aren’t you?” May smiled sinisterly as she inched a little closer. “That’s actually really kind of sweet.” 

“Yeah; well-” Edward trailed off. 

“When is the baby due?” Al questioned; he insisted that he hang a little closer to Edward, wanting to touch his belly more. 

“Fall,” Edward replied, figuring it was best to more general since no one knew for sure just how far along he was. “I’m about 5 months. Sheesh that still sounds so weird for me to say. I don’t often talk out loud about this,” he made a nervous expression, feeling the heat beginning to rise in his cheeks. “Maybe end of summer,” he added. “Hopefully before the wedding.” 

“So I get to be an uncle, right!?” Alphonse exclaimed with glee. “Please tell me I get be Uncle Allie!” 

“Uncle Allie,” May repeated with a stupid smile. “And Aunty May!” 

“Stop,” Edward groaned. 

“Don’t forget Aunt Winry.” At last the reluctant blond stood and stepped closer. 

She extended her arms towards Edward and pulled him into as big of a hug as she could, holding his head in the crook of her shoulder and stroking his hair. “We’ll all be here for you, okay? I want you to come to Resembool for the last trimester, please? We all should be together as a family; Roy too,” she said softly. Her voice was comforting, more so than Edward could have ever thought. 

Gently he nodded his head and hugged her back. “Okay. I will.” 

 


End file.
